You Matter with Matt Emerzian

Judd Shaw: [00:00:00] I’m still, you know, in a warehouse with a bunch of people that I don’t know doing drugs all night. Welcome to Behind the Armor, where we deep dive into the heart of what matters. I’m your host, Judd Shaw, adventurer, storyteller, agent of change, and speaker on authenticity and human connection. Join me as we explore the complexities of human connection featuring theorists, scientists, and speakers.

Judd Shaw: Our mission is simple, to inspire you to reclaim your true self and create. genuine connections with others. Join me as we laid out our armor and live authentically. Hello, you beautiful people. And thanks for tuning in today. We’re speaking with Matt Amerzian. Matt build a successful career in the music industry as SVP of Robert Kardashian’s music marketing company, working on projects for the biggest artists in the world.

Judd Shaw: U2, Coldplay, Usher. Tim McGraw and more. Matt found [00:01:00] himself surrounded by fame and fortune. He had achieved the dream yet was empty inside and unknowingly heading towards a Monday morning that would change his life and now the lives of millions of people forever. Let’s uncover what’s behind the armor with Matt.

Judd Shaw: You are a senior executive VP of a major company. Music mogul representing some of the world’s biggest music superstars, including my man crush, Chris Martin and Coldplay. Wake up one morning and you realize that everything you thought mattered was bullshit. Matt, welcome to the show.

Matt Emerzian: Wow, that’s a heck of a welcoming.

Matt Emerzian: Uh, yeah, I guess that was me. Um, I was, uh, I was living the dream, you know, I was, uh, working for Robert [00:02:00] Kardashian. I got to do projects for the biggest bands in the world. And I thought I had checked every single box of what it meant to be successful.

Judd Shaw: So, you know, let’s call this Matt 1. 0. Okay. Before this awakening, before the morning, right.

Judd Shaw: I had a dark night of the soul. You had the dark morning of the soul. And before this awakening paint a picture for us, what’s going on?

Matt Emerzian: Well, you know, I mean, I was in my, you know, I was 30 years old. I was living in LA, you know, I came here to go to college. So I just stayed in LA and, um, I was again, working for, you know, in the music industry, uh, I started in, in artist management, managing my best friend’s band, uh, which I loved, you know, my office was the sunset strip basically, and, you know, getting gigs at the whiskey and the Viper room and the.

Matt Emerzian: Um, rainbow [00:03:00] dragonfly and rainbow room. And, um, you know, and I was just really kind of living the good life. Honestly, it’s, I was having a blast and, you know, then getting the chance to work with Robert, uh, who is just an amazing man. Uh, I miss him dearly. Um, and you know, I, I got to be around, you know, Kim and Chloe and Courtney, and they worked in the office and all their friends were coming to the office.

Matt Emerzian: And so you can just imagine as a, as a 30 year old single guy, um, you know, slightly a jerk. Um, just, you know, trying to make a lot of money, um, have nice things, have a house in the Hollywood Hills, be on all the VIP red carpets, Grammys, you know, thinking that I was pretty cool. Um, I think because of the people I was surrounded by, I thought that somehow I, I was also really, really cool.

Matt Emerzian: And, um, and then as you shared, it was. Uh, you know, it was that Monday morning that everything changed and, you know, I didn’t see it coming. That’s, that’s [00:04:00] the wild part. In hindsight, if I look back and maybe the same thing for you, Judd, like when you had that, that dark night you’re talking about, like in hindsight, maybe I can look back and like, ah, there was a flag.

Matt Emerzian: There was a flag. There was a flag. But in the time I didn’t see any of it. I just woke up and ran into a brick wall.

Judd Shaw: You know, my, my friend Nick Onkin calls them cosmic bricks that are thrown at us. And eventually some of us require more weight of bricks, more volume of bricks to be thrown at us before that happens.

Judd Shaw: But you know, you, you woke up with a, with a real panic attack leading to hospitalization, right? In, and, and. This disconnection, where did you have the conscious awareness right before out from the ashes rises Matt 2. 0 and before you go on this major journey that we’ll talk about, how did you have the conscious [00:05:00] awareness about the fact that everything you thought mattered didn’t?

Judd Shaw: Yeah. Thank you. And it changed your perspective.

Matt Emerzian: Wow. I feel like that conscious awareness came with a little bit of time to be honest with you. Uh, you know, that Monday morning when I woke up and had this massive panic attack and, you know, I think I was just, I was just an outcry for help, right? Like I was scared and, and I knew that something was really off.

Matt Emerzian: You know, I thought it was a heart attack. And typically when I talk to people who experienced this, that first one, especially, they think it was a heart attack. So, um, You know, I think it’s like necessity compels one to take action. Right? And so I knew that something was really, really wrong. Um, you know, the doctors told me to go home and rest, eat well, you know, drink lots of water and I should be better in a couple of days.

Matt Emerzian: And that’s not what happened for me. You know, so my my anxiety attack or panic [00:06:00] attack turned into chronic anxiety disorder and depression. So that’s when I believe that it. I started down this healing journey, if you will, and through that journey, I started to learn new states of consciousness to awareness is to understand, like, you know, wow, I really was way off and it wasn’t until years later of working with my therapist to I jokingly call my expensive friend and, uh, It wasn’t until years later that she actually said, you know, Matt, I can say this to you at the time, but now I can say this to you today that when you came in here that first time, you were like, you were an empty shell of a human.

Matt Emerzian: And,

Speaker 4: uh,

Matt Emerzian: and to hear that, you know, it, it, it. It makes me sad. You know, it’s a little bit gut wrenching for me, uh, to think that I was going through life as an empty shell. Uh, it’s a real striking, I think, visual, a lot of emotions wrapped around that visual for me. [00:07:00] Um, but that’s really what started the journey of, of learning and healing.

Matt Emerzian: And that’s where these new awareness has started to come into my life. That, you know, they took time, you know, transformation takes, it takes time. It took me a long time to get to where I was. And it took me some time to get to a new, better place to that 2. 0.

Judd Shaw: Wow. That it so resonates about the shell of a human being.

Judd Shaw: I remember when I was crawl curled up in a primitive fetal position

Speaker 4: in a

Judd Shaw: corner of my garage floor, what had happened was I realized that at that moment, all the material things, all I had in my life, it was all bullshit. Yeah, it didn’t really matter because there I lie at my unhappiest at my most disconnected moment and realize that those things aren’t at the heart of my healing.[00:08:00]

Judd Shaw: Human connection was first with myself and then with others because first I had to connect with myself because I felt like that shell of a human being, I felt like, you know, everybody was applauding just this. This mask, this wolf, this, you know, veneer, everything that I was putting on was this show, but inside I felt broken.

Matt Emerzian: That’s right. That’s right. You know, it’s interesting. And I’m going to say this now because I don’t want to forget that. Um, my third book I wrote, it’s called you matter, learning to love. He really are. And when I first started writing that book at home, before I pitched it. The title I was using was the connection cure.

Matt Emerzian: And so, uh, when I met you, I’m like, okay, this guy, we’re gonna have to share with one another because I went through the same process. Judd. I mean, first off. When I was going through my therapy and stuff like, you know, I was in a bit of a crisis [00:09:00] state and it sounds like you can relate and, um, you know, my ship had a lot of holes and it was taking our water real quick.

Matt Emerzian: And so we had to kind of steady this thing out. And then. As I did that kind of internal work, the next thing we did is looked at my relationships around me and, and which were life giving, which were life sucking, you know, it turns out the nickname for anxiety disorder is the nice person’s disease. So I was trying to please everybody and say yes to everyone except for myself.

Matt Emerzian: Right. And then that final stage of my journey, uh, my therapist said to me, I want you to know that you are never going to truly feel better until you know what it is to live a life that’s not about you. And now we’re getting some real new deep awarenesses about who is Matt and what is my purpose in this life and in this world.

Matt Emerzian: And maybe I need to take myself out of the center of the universe, if you will, and start to look at how I can serve this world around me better. And that was, [00:10:00] that was the ultimate like, whoa, I can, we can amass as many things as we want. But if we think that we were put on this earth just to amass stuff and work ourselves into the ground and one day die, I think that we missed the purpose of our life.

Judd Shaw: And boy, did you go on a journey, 15 year plus of a mission and deep purpose. That everyone everywhere deserves to be seen and heard and felt valued and, and I so agree with you, our missions align in what we’re doing. You know, you, it, it, it gets to a point where you now develop a nonprofit every Monday matters.

Speaker 4: Yep.

Judd Shaw: And. Thank you. Uh, and you really talk about, uh, everyone [00:11:00] deserves to be seen and heard your nonprofit doesn’t cover a set or unique, uh, type or subset group of people. You really hit it all right. So you have a K through 12. Children’s education program, which have helped millions of Children. You have developed a workplace program in which increases, uh, companies, bottom lines, efficiency, culture, and, uh, and really have tackled that issue.

Judd Shaw: Uh, you then have already covered senior living. And, uh, ensuring that, that seniors feel mattered as well. You know, tell me about this journey of developing this nonprofit and what we’re doing, what it’s doing.

Matt Emerzian: Yeah, thank you, man. Uh, yeah. So basically, you know, after all this journey of healing with this therapist and just the work I was putting in, um, one day I was inspired to write a book and, and it was a [00:12:00] 2007.

Matt Emerzian: And my thought was, I’m probably not the only person in the world trying to find purpose in all the wrong places. And, uh, you know, I spent tens of thousands of dollars in therapy. Um, and, and when my therapist told me to live life, that wasn’t about me, she basically every Saturday I had to go out and do something that wasn’t about me.

Matt Emerzian: And so it was this weekly dose of doing something outside of myself. that truly helped me then find myself. And so I wrote a book called every Monday Matters 52 ways to make a difference in 2007, which was basically something people could do every Monday of the year. Like I was doing on Saturdays in my therapy, I wanted to give people a 1699 solution to my, you know, 25, 000 solution for feeling better

Judd Shaw: and actionable,

Matt Emerzian: totally actionable.

Matt Emerzian: And that book I call it the little book that could, and it just, it took off. And all of a [00:13:00] sudden I was still working in the music industry at the time, but all of a sudden I started getting these calls and these emails and we want school curriculum, your book saved my life from doing suicide. Uh, our company needs this in our culture.

Matt Emerzian: And all of a sudden it became this calling, like. I’m like, I don’t even know what this book is supposed to be. Um, but I can’t ignore the calls anymore. So I walked away from my music career, um, just to say, whatever this book’s going to be, I’m going to, I’m going to chase it. And I remember saying, what if I made every Monday matters, a household name.

Matt Emerzian: That was my plan. That’s all I had. I had a book, I had a MySpace page and I wanted to make it a household name. Uh, fast forward. You know, 15 plus years now, uh, we are, yeah, that’s nonprofit organization that, you know, has served millions of lives and, um, it’s the most rewarding work, you know, I’ve ever done.

Matt Emerzian: And I, you know, I’ve written three more books. I obviously I’m a keynote speaker as well, [00:14:00] but now, yeah, I get to spend my life every day, helping people embrace how much and why they matter. And. It’s just such a blessing and, you know, my brother, he’s a doctor, and when I was going through my darkest of times, he said to me, he’s like, you know, Matt, one day, uh, you’re gonna be grateful for all of this, and I would be like, I was like, dude, you’re out of your mind, and, and like, there’s no way I’ll ever be grateful for this, and, and today I can say that I wouldn’t have changed any of it.

Matt Emerzian: It was the biggest gift in the world.

Judd Shaw: Love it. I love it. Because when I went into rehab in 2020, I couldn’t figure out why if I bought a Ferrari. And I’m driving it after 30 days when the smell of the leather wears off a little bit. Why I wasn’t getting that same high. When I, you know, was on a private jet flying.[00:15:00]

Judd Shaw: And then I’m like, why is this over? It’s because the plane landed. And the point is that all of that stuff was never sustainable. All of those material things, all of the bullshit. Yeah. It’s, it’s, it’s what it did to me. Right? Made me feel, well, I, very important guy, I mean, looking at private jets and boats and whatever and look at me, right?

Judd Shaw: That’s what I hoped because when you did look at me, it made me feel validated. Ah, now I feel heard and seen, but for the wrong reasons. I’m on billboards for the wrong reasons. And so when my therapist said to me, you know, Judd, I want you to start thinking about serving others. And I went out and I remembered I was in Newport beach, California, and I went to Balboa peninsula and I saw a, like a homeless camp.

Judd Shaw: And so I went in his store and I bought a bunch of chips. And I went and handed them all chips, and they all were [00:16:00] like soaked, right? And now I’m going, I hear they need socks, so I’m going to get them socks. But the point of that was, was I realized that That was sustainable that when I helped others whether it would be somebody giving food to Or keynote speaking and trying to pass on the message that authenticity is our superpower That’s sustainable joy.

Matt Emerzian: That is sustainable joy. And and you know, and you know people ask me a lot It’s like matt, you know I want to serve other people. I want to make a difference and, um, but I can’t go start a nonprofit organization. I can’t go on some mission trip to Africa. I can’t do these, you know, these kinds of big things that I see people doing that are so inspiring.

Matt Emerzian: And for me, like I see inspiration in the smallest moments of it, you know, we can make a difference even if we didn’t buy those people a bag of chips. Just by [00:17:00] even just walking up and saying hi or acknowledging them. You know, I just, I just was reading something recently about the unhoused population that they interviewed a bunch of men and women who were unhoused and, and they said, what do you crave more than anything?

Matt Emerzian: Um, do you, you know, was it a shelter? Was it food? Was it clean socks? And the thing that they crave more than anything was to hear someone say their name. Right. And so, and we can all do that, right? We can do that every day. And, and in any moment, and when you go to the grocery store, just to see someone, just say hi to someone, just ask someone, you know, how they’re doing, or, Hey, hope you’re having a great day.

Judd Shaw: And I want to practice science of that for a minute, because that that’s really, really important that, you know, the sense of mattering, and I want to get into your mattering mindset. I think it’s fascinating. We want to feel heard, seen, and feel valued. We want a [00:18:00] sense of belonging. We want a sense of belonging more than we want anything else because we’re innately wired that way.

Judd Shaw: Right. Just like, you know, uh, uh, children, uh, who are with. A caregiver in unhealthy situation will stay in that situation because it will require that sense of belonging more than actually a sense of safety.

Speaker 4: That’s right.

Judd Shaw: So, right. And so in that sense of belonging, when that moment, which is like just high, the acknowledgement, you know, that alone really drives human connection.

Judd Shaw: Is that why mattering mindset or is that why we matter is so important?

Matt Emerzian: It is. And what’s fascinating, Judd, and you’ll like this a lot. So, uh, we’re producing a tool right now to measure mattering in people, a sense of mattering in people. I love that. Yeah, dude. It’s, it’s the coolest research that we’ve been doing.

Matt Emerzian: [00:19:00] Uh, we started in 2023. And, and to start that, we started asking people, what does mattering mean to you? And, and, and the responses that we got was, uh, I feel important. I feel seen, I feel worthy. I feel loved, right? I feel like I belong, like all of these things that we’re talking about, which were incredibly beautiful, but what I noticed, what was missing in all of the responses.

Matt Emerzian: Was it was so much about how it made me the individual feel, but it ignored my role in helping others feel that same way. And so mattering isn’t just to feel seen, heard, and loved. It’s also embracing our role in creating a world where everyone feels seen, heard, and loved. So it’s, I matter, but it’s not about me.

Matt Emerzian: And, and that’s the paradox of this whole thing is, you know, it’s kind of [00:20:00] like some people say, I need to love myself before I can love other people. And I say, no, I don’t believe that because also through loving other people, you can learn to love yourself.

Speaker 4: And

Matt Emerzian: that’s the same with mattering to helping other people feel seen, heard, and loved.

Matt Emerzian: You can also help yourself feel the same way it goes both ways

Judd Shaw: to ordinary and, and what in the responses are you measuring? Is it like we’re looking for patterns of what the mattering underneath means?

Matt Emerzian: Yeah. So, so basically our mattering mindset framework, it’s, it’s a three legged stool and it’s the I matter.

Matt Emerzian: Is the first leg understanding myself, the good, the bad, the ugly of all that, um, do you matter is understanding that through my actions, my words, my thoughts, my behaviors, I have the impact to impact the ability to impact those around me. And we are all extremely, extremely powerful when it comes to our ability to impact those around us.

Matt Emerzian: And then the we [00:21:00] matter is that we’re all a part of something much bigger. And, and so the, I matter, you matter, we matter are the three legged stools. And then below that, each of those are five attributes that we have. So when someone understands I matter, we can, we can look for things like purpose. We look for things like authenticity.

Matt Emerzian: We look for things like, um, agency, sense of agency or resiliency. When someone understands you matter, they value connection. Right. They they value honesty and truth. When someone understands we matter, they value community. They value hope they value. So we can look at these attributes and we can measure people’s.

Matt Emerzian: This is what we’re working to do is measure people’s values. Levels of living true to these ideas and these attributes that, that support each of the I, the U and the, and the, we matter. Their

Judd Shaw: core values.

Matt Emerzian: That’s right. And so what we do is we, and every Monday matters, we ask this question. [00:22:00] I’ve asked this question for 15 years, uh, to hundreds of thousands of people.

Matt Emerzian: If there’s one word that you Judd think we need more of in the world today, what is that word?

Speaker 3: Love,

Matt Emerzian: love. And so we collect these words. And at the end of the year, we put these words in a word cloud. And we see what comes up, and we end up picking 12 of those words, and those 12 words become our monthly themes for the upcoming year.

Matt Emerzian: So every year we have a new set of values that we are driving into the community, into our schools, into companies, into senior living communities. And then, so you have Monday Gets Kind, let’s say, or Monday Gets Loving. We’ll use Love. Monday Gets Loving is the monthly theme. And this week, because then every Monday is a strategy.

Matt Emerzian: So this week is use your words. So in an, I matter engagement. We would ask you to do an assessment [00:23:00] on your self talk. What kind of words do you use when you’re talking to yourself or about yourself or thinking about yourself? Are they loving at all? In a You Matter way, we might say, Go out in a loving, kind way, compliment five people today.

Matt Emerzian: Right? In a We Matter sort of way, we’d say, Hey, listen, how can we, in our school classroom or with our team at work, bring more love into this space with the words that we choose? Right. And so it’s this is this monthly themes, weekly strategies meets. I matter. You matter. We matter. And that is our theory of change.

Matt Emerzian: That’s our engine. And we just bring that into spaces where it can be consumed and operationalized.

Judd Shaw: I mean, if, if you can’t see the smile and it’s, I’m in all of this, it is so great. I love it. I want to unpack this for a minute because as you pointed out, similarly, I have the connection cure, right? In my, my framework being C [00:24:00] U R E conscious awareness, how we’re disconnected, showing up in our lives, how do we show up understanding, which is learning about how authenticity and being real and raw, uh, allow you to thrive.

Judd Shaw: R for renewing, which is renewing connection with yourself and others. And then E, which is expanding, which means it brought in your connections, expand the connections because the more deep connections you have, the more you will thrive in your life. And so what I wanted to ask you is I was curious, right?

Judd Shaw: A component of mine has a component of connection with self and connection with others. so much. Can you come into your framework in one and having like a missing leg? In other words, can I feel that you matter, but that I don’t matter?

Matt Emerzian: Dude, you’re so [00:25:00] good, man. Uh, yeah, so it’s interesting. So, uh, for the first 12 years of this journey with Every Monday Matters, I’m a visual learner, and so I, I draw things a lot.

Matt Emerzian: And I, I, I abuse posted notes and whiteboards. I used to draw this model with the, I matter was like the inner circle, the small one that you matter was the circle outside of that. And the we matter was the bigger circle outside of all of that. So they were concentric circles. And on my third book, I sent it final manuscript off to the publisher in New York.

Matt Emerzian: And it was ready to go. And I woke up in the middle of the night one night and I’m like, wait a second. The drawing is wrong. I’ve had it wrong all along. And all of a sudden I saw this Venn diagram where the I matter circle, the you matter circle and the we matter circle were all the same size. And they all have equal value and equal importance and they overlapped and right in the middle where all three of them overlapped [00:26:00] is where I saw us as human beings at our very, very best.

Matt Emerzian: At all times, I’m aware of myself and my own needs. I’m aware of how I impact those around me and their needs. And I ran that part of something bigger than myself. But the truth is we don’t always live right there in the center where they all overlap. And, you know, I get called and we get called a lot in the service industries, for example.

Matt Emerzian: So, and, uh, we’ll just, we’ll just go with healthcare and healthcare. They’re really good at the you matter part of serving their patients, serving those who need their help. Um, they’re kind of bad at the we matter part. For example, like the nursing industry is a very, You know, eat your own kind of industry.

Matt Emerzian: They don’t support each other very well. And also, we all know plenty of people who are constantly serving, and they just can’t serve anymore from an empty bowl. Teachers are the same way. So when we go into education circles, [00:27:00] we start with, I matter with our educators. because we know that they will just keep giving and giving and giving and giving.

Matt Emerzian: But at the risk of their own health and their own well being. So I’d like to think that we’re always all in this perfect spot where we have them all nailed at the same time. But the truth is, we’re not. And and I, you know, I’m not perfect. I can tell you and my wife reminds me kindly that, you know, Matt, until you treat yourself like you matter, You can’t go help other people know how much they matter.

Speaker 4: And

Matt Emerzian: that’s typically when I’ve been working way too many hours. When I’ve been on a few too many airplanes, a few too many hotels, she can see that I’m tired. She can see that I’m run down. And she’s like, wait a second, you need some eye matter time for Matt. And it’s, first of all, it’s lovely when your wife uses real framework on you, but it’s true.

Matt Emerzian: It’s true. We can still get out of balance. There’s no question about

Judd Shaw: it. It’s great. [00:28:00] You know, I, I do use rings in my, uh, framework because my concept is that it grows, it grows from within the expanding grows out. But what I love about your diagram. Is the concept that a stool without three legs will tip.

Judd Shaw: And so if you’re missing one of these matters, you’re tipping maybe too far into you matter. And I lack, I matter, right? And if I’m tipping too far in, we matter, maybe I’m forgetting about those close relationships where you matter. And so you can like the concept that it requires all three is the balanced approach.

Judd Shaw: And when I think about that, I think about how that’s the power when we show up real and raw and we’re so aligned with our core value [00:29:00] because if our core value, for instance, my core values, love, compassion, forgiveness, harmony, wholeheartedness, if those core values are how I show up for myself, but they’re also how I deal in my relationships with others.

Judd Shaw: I give myself compassion, grace. But likewise, I give you compassion and I give we compassion. And so if, if I’m showing up aligned with my core values in community, in my relationships with others and my relationship with myself under mattering this mindset, it sounds like that’s when I’m really thriving.

Matt Emerzian: That’s right. That’s right. And I, and. You know, I’ve wanted, I wanted to ask you too, because a lot of that I think, and all that there, you find authenticity, right? And so, um, I mean, you’ve obviously done a lot of work and really trying to understand who is Judd? Like, who am I? And what [00:30:00] are these values that drive me?

Matt Emerzian: And when I really understand these things, it just allows me to show up wherever I am in life as truly my authentic self. Right. And, and I think, and you’re more of an expert, I would say, than even me at this, although I do talk about authenticity is this craving for a world that can just show up authentically.

Matt Emerzian: Right? And, and how that a lot to me, that’s, I mean, that’s the cornerstone. Like, you can’t have a, a, a, you matter or we matter without authenticity. We can’t build meaningful relationships without authenticity. You know, we can’t live to ourselves if we’re not being authentic with ourselves. And I mean, I should just stop talking and let you talk.

Matt Emerzian: No,

Judd Shaw: I’m like, my, my brain is blowing up as you’re talking about. Cause I’m like following this podcast, you and I have to do a workshop together. Cause here’s the overlap.

Speaker 4: Yeah.

Judd Shaw: Yes. [00:31:00] At the core is for me. Authenticity is your absolute superpower. Yeah. And here’s why, because if I’m authentic, then I respect myself and I really believe I matter.

Judd Shaw: I’m showing up as my unique, my most beautiful, true version of what’s aligned with my core values in how we want to show up in the world. You’re seeing the real and raw Judd version.

Speaker 4: If

Judd Shaw: I believe you matter, then likewise being absolutely authentic respects that because I can say, you know, Matt, I would love to have dinner tonight, but I’m like, I’m drained, man, I have like 20 percent energy and I really need to just like quiet my mind.

Judd Shaw: And that’s respecting you because then I’m not giving you me at our dinner, right? I, I, I’m, I’m not going to be there in the way I want to show up. And likewise, also, if we [00:32:00] matter, authenticity means I can be vulnerable enough to say, Hey Matt, you know, the other day, like maybe it’s just me. When you, when you walked away after we were just talking about something I was like, did I say something wrong?

Judd Shaw: Like whatever and you’re like, no, I’m sorry. I thought we were like totally done with the conversation a lot In other words, it allows you to be vulnerable with me being vulnerable with you and the we matter part the authenticity The we matter is That true sense of belonging happens in our tribe, where we now share values, where we share interests and purpose and meaning.

Judd Shaw: And we really are thriving in a community standpoint. And so I think when you layer authenticity over, I matter, you matter, and we matter, boy, are you doing well in your life.

Matt Emerzian: That’s right. Bam done. Mic drop. We can do a decent job. We can do a decent job of making connection [00:33:00] and building teams and building relationships.

Matt Emerzian: Um, but we’re not going to get to the level of meaning in all, in any of this, if we don’t show up authentically, because then it’s not built on, on, on like ultimate, like capital T truths. Right. Yeah. And, but we also know that. You know, judgment of ourselves, judgments of others. There’s insecurities. There’s so many wounds.

Matt Emerzian: There’s so many things that keep us from showing up authentically. And so, you know, when I, when you see a room of people or a team, even at work working together, um, it’s almost like you just want to say, okay, how many right now are showing up a hundred percent as your authentic self? And if we’re not, then let’s start with working on that because once we nailed that part, the work we produce together is going to be eons beyond [00:34:00] what we could do when we’re not all showing up as our true authentic, real selves.

Judd Shaw: So, so, you hit it right on the mark, man, absolutely. You know, uh, you’re an amazing keynote speaker. Um, on the big stage, really helping companies get underneath mattering. So people are showing up with raising their hand with opinions and feedback and frontline team members are not afraid to, you know, tell a business when it’s heading the wrong way or whatever.

Judd Shaw: You know, all of that is, comes from a place where of feeling safe. And, and also feeling authentic because Matt, you know, um, I’ve, I’ve had the opportunity to be hanging out with you, uh, you know, and if we have conversation and you give off a vibe one way, and then I get to a conference and there’s Matt.

Judd Shaw: That, [00:35:00] that’s not the Matt I know to your point that doesn’t drive that trust factor. I’m like, wait, which Matt is the real Matt? Is it the guy that I know when I’m just one on one, or is he like this different guy putting on a whole different persona?

Matt Emerzian: And a friend of mine used to say, cause it was funny cause I would, um, when I first got in the music industry, I was still doing some other kind of consulting things.

Matt Emerzian: And so I would, I would wear a suit jacket and, and then I would get to the studio when I was like managing bands and I would change into a totally different outfit was like, you know, jeans and converse and a t shirt and, and, uh, a lead singer one day said, you know, you know, Matt, you are your costume

Speaker 4: and

Matt Emerzian: maybe I had all these different That, that I would wear.

Matt Emerzian: But as I think about that more today, I feel like that divide is, is, is gone now, like, I feel more and more like us as people, as humans, we just have one [00:36:00] costume and that’s just ourselves. And, and my personal persona and my professional persona are pretty much the same.

Judd Shaw: Yeah. And

Matt Emerzian: so whether I see you on a street corner or whether I see you talk to you after I do a keynote office off the side of the stage.

Matt Emerzian: You’re going to get the same, Matt. It’s just, and that’s because I, I’ve just, I, you know, I’ve put in a lot of work and, and I’m just going to show up as myself, like unapologetically myself. And, and I think that. I know I’m a good person. I know I care deeply for people. I know that that whether again, I’m at the grocery store on stage, what I think about always is how can I help people feel seen, heard and loved?

Matt Emerzian: How can I help them know that they matter? And that shows up. And if I’m an elevator with you, I’m gonna say hi. Um, you know, I joked that my wife thinks it’s creepy, but I think it’s weird that we stand there and ignore each [00:37:00] other. And so I’m going to say hi to you in the elevator. I’m going to say hi to you on a subway.

Matt Emerzian: I’m going to say hi to you from the stage. It’s just, it’s just how I, uh, it’s just, there’s no difference from my professional and personal life anymore.

Judd Shaw: And what resonates with the analogy of that costume, right, is it’s like, is it armor? Is it a mask? Is it something you’re putting on? Or, you know, if I’m wearing a suit in courtroom, playing my lawyer role, That’s appropriate, right?

Judd Shaw: Yes. That’s expected, but if I’m now, you know, doing a podcast in a t shirt or a keynote in this other, it’s not different versions of Judd, it’s, you know, a line, it’s still the core values. It just happens to be, but it’s when this suit becomes my sense of armor, my identity. That’s where it starts, the disconnection starts creeping in.

Matt Emerzian: And I, and I, you know, Judd, I follow you on social [00:38:00] media. I’ve seen you like now on this podcast. And, uh, yes, you have a lot of different styles in terms of clothing. You, you have maybe the courtroom Judd, which I’ve never seen before, but across the board, you’re always Judd, right? And, and what I love about it is you’re not afraid to just show up as Judd.

Matt Emerzian: You’re not afraid to. Cause it’s brilliant and smart and is intelligent. And I know in deep you are, I know that you’re also, um, just super fun and adventurous and playful and all these other things too. And so sometimes you’ll, you know, you’ll show up and you have a t shirt that’s cut down, open down to here, but the necklaces on and bracelets, and now you’re in a suit jacket, but it’s always Judd it’s the same dude.

Matt Emerzian: And I just appreciate that.

Judd Shaw: Matt, I appreciate that so much. And I appreciate you making me feel like I matter because that’s what I wanted [00:39:00] all of my life. But, but this, this is the genuine feeling of mattering, not the fake hurt scene valued because they see some other version of me that, you know, you know, is some kind of like alter ego.

Matt Emerzian: Yeah, man, I really respect you. I do because You know, the level of success that you’ve achieved. Um, you know, I was never on billboards. I, uh, I worked for people who were on billboards. Um, but, uh, the level of success you’ve achieved and, you know, um, you could have just kept going on, going on, you know, and achieving the success that you’ve done.

Matt Emerzian: Um, but I can tell you’re someone who stopped and put in the work and, and, and now you’re turning that, which I know is not easy. It’s not easy to go out there and to put your heart out there. To share these truths about yourself, um, especially up against this other life that you have built.

Speaker 4: Um, [00:40:00]

Matt Emerzian: you know, and I have a dear friend, her name’s Jennifer Friend.

Matt Emerzian: And, um, she was an at attorney also in Newport Beach actually. And, um, senior partner at a, at a huge law firm. And what no one knew about her is that she grew up homeless. And she was, she was a motel child and she and I became friends. Um, and she was always scared to let anyone know this truth about her because she was a senior partner at this prestigious, you know, law firm.

Matt Emerzian: And one day I said, what are you hiding from? Like, that’s your story. And it’s beautiful. And look who you are today. She ended up walking away from the law firm. And now for the last. I think nine years has run a nonprofit organization to help homeless women and children and families in Orange County. And now that’s, she doesn’t tell the story of Jen, the attorney anymore.

Matt Emerzian: [00:41:00] She tells the story of Jen, this homeless child grew up always hoping for this, that, and the other thing. And now she brings that to families. And so for you dude, to take that turn. To be bold, to be courageous, to go out there and share it, uh, is just awesome. And I believe that this world needs more big hearted men that are not afraid to go out there and show that side of us that we’re, we learned and we’ve taught all our lives just to get back up, you know, wipe off the tears.

Matt Emerzian: Don’t show that get back in the game. Um, no, sometimes it’s fine to say, no, I got a big heart too. And I have, I have feelings. I’m sensitive and, and, uh, I think it’s opening up something that our world desperately needs more of.

Judd Shaw: I appreciate that so much and you know, what it reminds me of is so many nights that after a day of being a lawyer and all this, you know, success and [00:42:00] cases and these things, I’m still, you know, in a warehouse.

Judd Shaw: Broken down, like abandoned with a bunch of people that I don’t know who they are doing drugs all night because that’s where I felt I belonged. That’s what I felt I deserved. But when I feel so understood, when I feel that belonging that you give in this kind of conversation, that’s where I feel so mattered.

Judd Shaw: That’s replaces. That deep, sustainable joy that we started with, and you, Matt, are such a beautiful human being. I have a question for you, and that is, how, Matt, doing so much for so many other people, how do you authentically best connect?

Matt Emerzian: Man, that’s it. That is a great question. And, uh, and I’ll be honest.

Matt Emerzian: Uh, I, um, I hurt my [00:43:00] back, uh, a year and a half ago. And, and so I’ve had two back surgeries over the past 18 months, uh, and might have to have a third. And, and so, um, before that I played tennis. So I have a whole tennis community of friends that I would be with two or three days a week. It was extremely life giving for me.

Matt Emerzian: I’ve been an athlete my entire life. I played water polo at UCLA in college. Uh, and so this, the, the, the sport part of my life has kind of been taken away the past nearly two years. It’s been extremely hard for me, um, emotionally, physically. Uh, and so I’ve been struggling. lately with how do I better take care of that?

Matt Emerzian: How do I serve Matt? What? Um, what? What’s something I need to change? And it’s interesting because the tennis thing came about because I told my wife We kind of just got into this, this groove and I said, we got to mix it up. I said, we both should start a hobby. And so [00:44:00] my wife decided to start learning how to play the banjo.

Matt Emerzian: Uh, her, her, her family’s from the South, like the Blue Ridge mountains. And, uh, and I decided that I want to learn how to play tennis. But it was that decision to start a new hobby that for me opened up this whole world of tennis community. Um, some of my closest friends now are people who I play tennis with.

Matt Emerzian: Um, and so it might be time, uh, now you’re inspiring me, but it might be time for me to say, okay, what is this next thing? If, if tennis. Is it going to happen? I can’t just sit around waiting for it to happen again. There’s something else I have to start in the meantime. Um, I used to also do a lot of meditation, but it’s really interesting because in transcendental meditation, uh, you know, they give you a mantra.

Matt Emerzian: And as I started speaking more keynoting, I kept hearing the term Sherm, you know, the society of human resources. Right. And as the [00:45:00] more I heard the word, the thing Sherm, it started to mess with my mantra. And now I can’t remember my mantra anymore because I keep thinking, sure, it sounds very similar, but they’re not the same.

Matt Emerzian: So, uh, I’m actually going to meet with a, with a transcendental meditation coach, uh, in a week or two to get a refresher on my mantra, because now I don’t know what it was

Speaker 4: going

Matt Emerzian: to start doing that again. So I appreciate you asking me that. And I take that as a very sweet. Um, not challenge, but inspiration to reconsider, like, what does Matt need to do more to take care of Matt more?

Judd Shaw: Four time award winning book author, renowned keynote speaker, uh, head of an incredible non profit, Every Monday Matters. Matt, people want to reach out or get in touch with you. What’s the best way?

Matt Emerzian: I mean, they can go to every mondaymatters. org. They can go to my personal website, Matthew immersion. com. Uh, they can email [00:46:00] me at Matthew at every mondaymatters.

Matt Emerzian: com. They can go to Instagram at immersion. They can go on LinkedIn. I’m out there. I’m on, I’m on the web somehow. Uh, but, uh, what I love most is this, this is what I love most. This one on one

Speaker 4: connection with

Matt Emerzian: someone. And, uh, I struggle with social media because. Uh, in a lot of ways, because this is what I crave, uh, and, but I know, I understand why social media has its place, uh, but, uh, I would rather do this all day with you than take five minutes doing anything on social media, uh, but.

Matt Emerzian: You can find me out there in technology land, too.

Judd Shaw: I feel like I really matter. I know that you matter, man. And we so matter, Matt, thank you from the bottom of my heart for connecting with me and coming on the show,

Matt Emerzian: man. I, I’m, I’m grateful that you had me and I’m [00:47:00] grateful that we’re friends. And, uh, here’s to doing a lot of big things in the world together.

Matt Emerzian: My friend,

Judd Shaw: Let’s do it. Let’s connect these things and roll it out.

Matt Emerzian: Let’s go. Let’s go. Love you, buddy.

Judd Shaw: Love you, too, Matt. I want to extend my deepest gratitude to you. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please follow us on your favorite platform or share this episode with a friend. You can also follow me on Instagram at Judge Shaw Official.

Judd Shaw: A special thank you to personal injury law firm, Judge Shaw Injury Law for their support in helping us bring this podcast to life. Remember, friends, authenticity isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being real. It’s about embracing our vulnerabilities, celebrating our strengths, and owning our stories.

Judd Shaw: Until next time.