Plan A, No Plan B with Britney Holmes - Judd Shaw

Plan A, No Plan B with Britney Holmes

Judd Shaw

Britney Holmes

Episode Summary

In this inspiring episode of “Behind the Armor,” host Judd Shaw chats with Brittany Holmes, a recording artist with a unique journey. From driving Uber to singing the National Anthem at major sports events, Brittany shares her story of commitment to her Plan A, overcoming obstacles, and finding authenticity. Listen as she discusses her experiences on American Idol, her journey of self-love, and the power of human connection.

Listen Now:

Listen Now

Episode 011

In this inspiring episode of “Behind the Armor,” host Judd Shaw sits down with Brittany Holmes, a mainstream recording artist and songwriter with a unique journey. From driving Uber to performing the National Anthem at major sports events, Brittany shares her story of unwavering commitment to her Plan A, overcoming obstacles, and finding authenticity. Listen in as Brittany opens up about her experiences on American Idol, her journey of self-love and acceptance, and the power of human connection.

Lessons From the Episode:

  1. Embrace Vulnerability: Brittany emphasizes the importance of being open and authentic. By laying down our armor and showing our true selves, we create genuine connections and inspire others.
  2. Persevere Through Obstacles: Brittany’s journey highlights the value of persistence. Despite facing numerous challenges, she remained committed to her Plan A, proving that perseverance is key to achieving our dreams.
  3. Self-Acceptance is Crucial: Learning to accept and love oneself, flaws and all, is essential. Brittany shares her practice of speaking to herself with love and compassion, a powerful tool for self-growth.
  4. Take Bold Actions: From reaching out to NFL teams for anthem opportunities to quitting her job to pursue music, Brittany’s story encourages taking bold steps towards our goals.
  5. Forgiveness Heals: Forgiving ourselves and others is vital for moving forward. Brittany’s journey underscores the healing power of forgiveness and the importance of letting go of past hurts.

Guest This Week:

Britney Holmes

Britney is a mainstream recording artist and songwriter with a plan – Plan A, no Plan B. From picking me up in an Uber to expanding our connection beyond the car ride, Britney is confident in her destiny, despite all the obstacles life has thrown her way. The challenges of her journey have encouraged her to inspire others to persevere and never give up on their “Plan A”. Britney made it to the top 50 contestants on season 16 of American Idol and has made several musical appearances for the National Football League, NBA and NCAA Women’s Final Four National Championship Games. Britney recently released her debut EP, titled “Done.” — continuing her Plan A.

Show Transcript

Judd Shaw: [00:00:00] Welcome to Behind the Armor, where we deep dive into the heart of what matters. I’m your host, Judd Shaw, adventurer, storyteller, agent of change, and speaker on authenticity and human connection. Join me as we explore the complexities of human connection, featuring theorists, scientists, and speakers. Our mission is simple, to inspire you to reclaim your true self and create genuine connections with others.

Join me as we lay down our armor and live. Hello, you beautiful people, and thanks for tuning in. Today, we are talking with Brittany Holmes. Brittany is a mainstream recording artist and songwriter with a plan. Plan A. No Plan B. From picking me up in an Uber to expanding our connection beyond the car ride, Brittany is confident in her destiny.

Despite all the obstacles life has thrown her way. The challenges of her journey have encouraged her to inspire others to persevere and never give up on their [00:01:00] plan A. Brittany made it to the top 50 contestants on season 16 of American Idol and has made several musical appearances for the National Football League.

NBA and NCAA Women’s Final Four National Championship game. Brittany recently released her debut EP titled Continuing Her Plan A. Let’s see what’s behind the armor with Brittany. Brittany, welcome to the show!

Brittany Holmes: I’m so happy to be here. Are you kidding? Are you? I’m happy. This is so crazy. It’s the ripple effect.

It is. It’s full circle. Full circle. Yep. You know, I think the way to start is just telling the listeners how it all started. Yeah. Yeah. You want to, you want to go with it? Let’s, let’s get right into it. So I had just quit my job, [00:02:00] my job in marketing. And, uh, for several reasons. And in the interim, I just started Uber driving.

I was like, you know what? Let me just connect with people in the city and see what this is all about. So I literally was an Uber driver. And was in my pajamas. And slippers. And slippers. Had no intention of Really staying out too long and then in you come into my car with this big huge ball of energy And I’m like man, this dude is awesome And I’m like, okay, he’s got a lot of good energy.

He’s like ready for the day you were super positive and then we got into the conversation of life and like our life stories and How we were kind of? Brought to that point and then you were like, hey, what are [00:03:00] you doing for the rest of the afternoon? I’m like Nothing, I guess and you were like no come to this conference on how to build your brand how to market yourself And I’m like, okay, so I’m literally in pajamas at a conference with you and your nephew.

And it was awesome. And we spent the day, we went to lunch and we have been connected ever since. You know, at first it was, how can I go into a conference with my fuzzy slippers and pajamas? And I remember when Buzz, you know, was saying, it doesn’t matter, right? And, and I’m like, are you going to spend the day really driving Uber or learning and growing on the thing that you were meant to do?

And you did it. Yeah. Yeah. I have to ask, like we didn’t [00:04:00] know each other and it was the vibrate and you spent the day with us. Yes. You went in the conference, we had lunch together and what, what was it in the instance that you were like? Let’s do it. LFG. You know, I think everything happens for a reason. I think that God brings us to certain moments and brings people into your life for a very specific reason and nothing is by chance.

So I think, you know, we were both meant to be there and share our stories, which um, I think we have many similarities, just overcoming obstacles and getting to a place of using our pain and our testimony for, um, something powerful to inspire others. And here you are with your podcast, with your studio, I mean, these were all just, you know, you were telling me all of the ideas that you had, the things that you had in the works [00:05:00] and I was doing the same.

I was like, well, I want to sing. I want to write music and, you know, do all of these things to inspire others through my own journey. And you were saying the same thing in our, our stories were kind of overlapping in a sense that we both had this passion to connect with people through our pain and, and then ultimately our purpose and our testimony.

So, um, You know, in that moment, I just saw an opportunity. I was like, you know what, let me just go for it and let me just not care about my appearance and let me go get some, you know, good information around people who are like minded, who want to grow, who have this hunger for knowledge and, um, wisdom, um, just to continue to pour into others.

So I was like, this is awesome. You had an amazing energy. As soon as you got into my car, I’m like, who is this guy? [00:06:00] Usually it’s me. That’s like, good morning guys. You know, and you had this awesome energy alongside your nephew, bud. And I’m like, Who are these guys? I, I was like intrigued and Normally, it’s me.

That’s like the wild child. That’s getting people amped for life and excited for life And honestly driving uber for that period I think it was maybe a month or two that I was an uber driver I have never connected with humans on on that level ever in my life Like that. And so it was so mind boggling and just opened up my heart.

I thought I was a people’s person, which I am, but after Uber I was opened up to just really having empathy and really wanting to pour into people [00:07:00] because people are struggling. Yeah, you know and sad and and um, they’re looking for that’s going to, um, fill them up. And so if I can get, you know, even just dropping, uh, I mean, I feel like the Holy spirit just was moving through me and just dropping little nuggets that, you know, Hey, you are worthy, you know, and whatever your beliefs are.

I just talked about even just driving Uber. I talked to people about the power of prayer. I’m like, okay, you don’t need to know. Anything else, just talk to God, open your mind, open your heart and just have a conversation and have faith, you know, that your future is better than your past and, you know, and so I saw that same moment.

You know, and I felt that same spark in you that you have [00:08:00] obviously done some inner work, you know, on your, on your spirit, you know, and you pulled yourself, you were able to pull yourself out of turmoil of, of, Of confusion of a job that you didn’t like that wasn’t really for you. And you’re creating a future for yourself that, um, truly makes you happy and you’re giving back at the same time.

So, um, and like you said, authenticity, which I love so much. So. I love it. And you know, the smile that you have on your face is still the smile that I have when I tell the story and I hear it firsthand from you, I love that. I, I talk about it in my keynote about, you know, the ripple effect because my framework, the connection cure C U R E C for conscious.

Awareness than understanding than R for renewing and E for expanding, which is [00:09:00] trying to reach out and make other deep human connections and that vibration of creative, impactful, beautiful energy was felt. You know, you have been on American Idol. Mm hmm. You have, uh, recently, uh, did the National Anthem at the AFC Chiefs Championship football game.

Amazing. You’ve done other NFL games, San Francisco. You sang in front of LeBron James at the NBA. You’ve, uh, you’ve done that with the NCAA Women’s National Championship. I mean, you’ve really been on some major stages and you’re doing some great work. And the music, talk about authenticity, is coming through.

But before I get there, I wanted to find out what’s behind the armor. with Britney [00:10:00] because it didn’t always start that way, right? And as you pointed out, I have done a lot of inner work and there’s this, uh, guy named Aaron Rose who he describes God as, as love is however you talk about it at his core, whatever your beliefs and it’s pure nature is, is just love.

You know? And, uh, and so, let’s go back to when you were growing up. Okay. And some of the challenges including, you know, issues with vocal cord, uh, cancer, relationships. How did you, let’s call that Britney 1. 0. Okay. What did that look like? Okay. Oh, man. So I think when I was growing up, I equated my worth to what I was doing [00:11:00] at the time, my accomplishments.

So if I wasn’t accomplishing something that was great in my mind to my standards, then I wasn’t worthy. So I would constantly do these things that I felt. We’re great. Graduated valedictorian, made the speech, you know, went off to college, was doing all of these things that I thought that I needed to do, um, to be worthy, worthy of love, worthy of life, even, um, and I really just kind of, Walked on eggshells to try to be this perfect person and And then you know I hit Faced several obstacles Relational abuse was one of them Um, cancer, like you said, another, um, and all of these things that I, you know, obviously the, the industry, dealing with the industry and, and, you know, being told no and rejection and you’re not good [00:12:00] enough and you’re, um, you don’t, you’re not skinny enough, you’re not pretty enough, um, whatever the case may be.

And when I was younger, I, You know people seem to kind of gravitate towards me as a kid because I was like this kid with all of this Talent and it was like a bigger deal as a kid to have talent than a young woman to have talent So even that weighed on my worth and just how I felt about myself so I Felt like I was constantly seeking approval, um, in the industry, in relationships.

Um, and it wasn’t until I really hit rock bottom, I thought cancer was rock bottom. Um, and that. Certainly opened my mind, um, and my spirit up to a new way of living. I completely changed my diet, stopped eating meat, stopped eating dairy, um, anything processed. [00:13:00] Really, um, started meditating and praying, um, for knowledge and understanding.

Getting into the, um, Into the Bible. Um, and so, uh, I, my body was restored and renewed 60 days later and really during that time. I, my faith was completely tested and then restored. I was like, Oh my gosh, okay, I’m getting a second chance at life. So continuing on, I still had the same pattern though, of bad relationships and allowing myself to stay in places that I should not have been.

And that really, It comes down to just not valuing myself in the way that I needed to, in the way that God loves us. Um, you know, like you said, God is love at the, at the, at the end of the day, whatever your core beliefs are, um, you know, we can all agree that [00:14:00] a higher power is You know, and so I, um, found myself in this really horrible relationship.

Um, getting out of it actually. Right. When we, uh, came together and met and I was coming to a place of healing and really trying to, um, learn to love myself. And I think people. Might think that that looks like going to go get your nails done or taking a movie day or and all of those things are great for Recharging and restoring, but I had to really get down on my knees I mean there were nights of just sleepless nights and just tears.

Yeah Where I just said, you know what? I surrender myself to this situation Love that we’re talking about, um, and really learning to love myself, my spirit [00:15:00] outside of what has happened to me, what I wanted to happen, what I think should happen, um, Taking all of that away, taking, taking all of the trauma off of my spirit.

Who is that? Who, I had to ask myself that. Um, and I’m still on that journey. But I came to a place of realization of just, um, Learning to love me, you know, flaws and all, you know, and, and accepting where I’m at, and being excited for the future, obstacles and all. So, um, that’s when we met, and I was just coming into that type of love for myself, and, you know.

Yeah, and you know, that, You, it actually could come through because you can hear the perspective taking at that time on how you were looking at relationships. I remember the conversation at lunch and it was very [00:16:00] vulnerable and it was very open and we had just spent a few hours in the conference and it reminds me.

of how when we don’t let go of these things, you know, it, as they say, disease of the mind, spirit, and body, it can make us sick. Yes. It can create patterns. That subconscious behavior can take control of our lives. Yeah. That ego says, I am protecting you, but the ego is not our friend. Mm-Hmm. . And it’s so resonated with me about how you found validation in your work.

And what happened was I had become obsessed with it, but the obsession was the illness because the obsession wasn’t about making it perfect. Mm-Hmm. It was making it seem or hear or appear perfect. Mm-Hmm. . Yes. [00:17:00] And. And then you come to this, you have this conscious awareness of how you’re showing up in the world.

And even Brittany, who’s on all of these world stages, is still wearing a mask, right? Yes. And, and that mask is actually no longer serving you because it’s preventing you from finding the relationship to which you ultimately found. Yes. What, how, how did you come, what were the things? What are the actionable steps that someone hearing you can say, I can now, not only I know how I’m showing up, but I can start to understand the ways that I’m showing up and heal those parts.

Um, I think a big thing for me was forgiveness and not just forgiving [00:18:00] all the people that I was pointing the finger at, but forgiving myself. You know, for being in places, being around people that, um, didn’t value me because I didn’t value me. And so, um, that’s where it had to start for me was forgiveness and true letting go.

Letting go and looking forward to a better future, you know, a happier one a more peaceful one And for me, like you said Not just forgiveness, but but letting go letting that mask down and being so vulnerable I remember driving uber and being in tears with strangers You know, whether we were praying, whether we were talking about their life or my life or relating back and forth.

I remember having a lady in my car who didn’t even speak English and we’re going back through Google Translate. I remember you telling me. And it was [00:19:00] so profound. I will never forget this woman who was a mother of four children and she was telling me that she was mom and dad and she had just lost her 14 year old.

And she was working. To make ends meet and Something about her story. I just was like, oh my gosh You know not to diminish my story or someone else’s pain or my pain or whatever But we’re all in that moment. I just realized we’re all dealing with With something heavy, and it’s not for us to judge whatever that is that that person is going through, but for me, I really learned, um, acceptance of myself and acceptance of others, um, and, and meeting people where they’re at, um, and meeting myself where I was at, which was a low, low, low place.

I’d just gotten out of this [00:20:00] horrible relationship I was cheated on. I was lied to. I really thought that, you know, this was someone that I could trust. I was, uh, very vulnerable. And so I felt like garbage. Yeah. And I felt like, gosh, here we go again. I just, I got it wrong again, you know, and I had to, instead of beat myself up over it, I had to say, you know what, why did that happen?

Not I’m going to punish myself for it, but. But why? And at the root of all my questions was, Brittany, you are not valuing yourself the way you need to be valuing yourself. And if you believe in God or believe in love, you know, that it’s very, very, very powerful. I wasn’t valuing myself in the way that, that God loved me.

Yeah, you know, and so I had to take all of The trauma off of [00:21:00] me all of what people said I can and can’t do all of the rejection all of the All of the things and ask myself who’s that it let’s get back to that. Yeah, you know in some people It’s not even let’s get back to it. Let’s find it Yes, and let’s start becoming that person that we were meant to be without all of everyone’s stuff On us, you know, cause it’s not meant for us to carry that.

So like you said, you have to let go. I had to let that mask down and it did come through in my music. I was committed to creating this EP called done period. Um, and it, it wasn’t just, uh, symbolic of being done with a relationship. It was being done with an old version of myself that, uh, I wasn’t going to ever revisit, but also in a way celebrating the next phase and [00:22:00] opening myself up remaining vulnerable, even though I was heartbroken and dealt with heartbreak, even though I dealt with pain, even though someone had wronged me, I still said, I’m going to remain open to the love that I deserve.

And I had to start loving myself in that way in order to attract the love that I deserve. Wow, I love so much of everything you said and I want to unpack that because it reminds me that when I, uh, first had moved from, uh, the northeast to the west coast, And I was doing a lot of deep soul searching and I had a friend who said, you know, Judd, you can’t love anyone else until you learn to love yourself.

And it was like, you’d think it’s so simple, but it was like, wow, [00:23:00] I, I don’t really love myself. In fact, I, I don’t even know if I like myself. And I had to start, with self compassion and self worth and self love and be able to do that for myself if I was going to do that with others. And, and in that, I remember I went on a retreat and after that retreat, I came out with the intention that, um, it was going, I was going to come from a place from love.

With compassion and forgiveness for harmony and wholeheartedness. And it wasn’t for happiness because happiness is an emotion and it comes and goes. Some of us think we should just, we’re supposed to be happy all the time. And. You know, you got to sit with those hard emotions to those, those [00:24:00] nights, staying up and crying and staying with it in healing those parts that allow you to get to your most inner child version that just came out with all those, without all the judgment and without everybody telling us what to believe.

Right. And, and doing that, coming from that place to, to place with like, what does Judd like? And I remember this conversation, like, what do I like to eat? I don’t know. What do I want to do? And you know, really exploring Judd and learning about myself again and connecting with myself again before I can get in and bring vibe to you.

Yes. I had to give that to myself. You know, your, your music, you’ve come out with Ordinary Girl. Yes. Oh, it is so beautiful. Can you, can you tell us, I, I mean, I, I know [00:25:00] about it, but can you tell us like where was the inspiration and, and the, it’s about authenticity. Yes. It’s about your self worth. It is. Talk to me about it.

It’s so Ordinary girl, um, came from actually, so I was doing Tiny desk. I was doing a tiny desk submission. For this contest that they had I was like, oh my gosh, this is so cool I’ll just do a song off of done with the whole band and we’ll do it like that. Yeah, and my now fiance Mr. Leo signs he said I have this idea, let’s just do something completely new that is not attached to that old, hurt, you know, healing version of yourself.

And I feel like we’re always healing on, on some level, um, and growing. And I was like, okay. [00:26:00] So we literally got into the studio in a day, wrote the song, recorded the song, got the band together. The next week, I think there was like 15, maybe 20 musicians on this thing. And, um, and I wanted to write a song that was about confidence, even when you don’t feel it.

There’s a there’s a lyric. Um, I’ll have to think about it because my brain is all of the place right now. But in ordinary girl, there’s there’s a lyric that’s basically like when you don’t feel it, you still know it. You know, deep down, even though you’re in your pajamas at a conference, you’re still worthy to be there.

Yes. You know, even though you wake up with bed head and bad breath or whatever the case may be, you’re still worthy. Even though you made a mistake and you didn’t, you [00:27:00] know, You forgot to turn off the lights or whatever the case may be, or a mistake with parenting or mistake in school or just a mistake in life period.

We’re judging ourselves, calling that a mistake, by the way, but you’re still worthy. Even though all that stuff happened to you, even though your parents didn’t give you what she needed when you needed it, or even though your ex, Spouse it didn’t work out And you’re still dealing with the after effects.

You’re still worthy so it’s kind of like how I started to view myself and and really what I try to get others to understand is that you can be a 100 bill that has rips tears and It’s been in the wash machine. It’s been burnt with a lighter. It’s got a couple of holes It’s been taped up. If you still take that hundred dollar bill to an ATM or the bank They’re still [00:28:00] gonna deposit it and it’s still worth a hundred dollars.

So I say that to say whatever value you’d like to say metaphorically speaking if You, you know, as people, we go through life and we get ripped, we get torn, we’ve got some burns, some singes, we’ve got, you know, all of these little imperfections that we wish we could erase or go back in time or fix or put back together nice and shiny and new and, and, and, you know, crinkly, but we’re still worthy.

We’re still that 100 bill with all of the imperfections and we’re still worthy So even with all of our trauma the things that we needed that we didn’t get the things that we got that we didn’t need You know the things that we wanted that we didn’t get the thing, you know, whatever the case may be We’re still worthy and it’s not just worthy of love.

It’s worthy of life. Yes of peace [00:29:00] and really, I think Aside from happiness, I think peace is, is peace with ourselves, you know, and when we can get to that place, we have forgiven, we have healed, we’re able to empathize with the people who hurt us. What happened to them? What was their childhood like? And that’s not to excuse bad behavior of others or doormats.

But it’s literally, if you can find Empathy for the people that have wronged you the situations that weren’t good for you if you can look at it from a viewpoint of Empathy. Yeah, it’s easier to forgive. Yeah for yourself. Yeah, not for them Yeah, and you can move forward and move on and you’re not this bitter angry hurt sick Dis eased person, you know, so that’s the journey that [00:30:00] I am on.

I love that. You know, David Hawkins in the book Letting Go says blame leads to apathy and depression. You know, it’s, it’s, it’s making us, our, ourselves small. We’re buying into smallness when we blame and we don’t come from compassion and forgiveness because I know, at least for sure, for me, I’m the first person who would want compassion and ask for forgiveness.

You know, um, I wanted to ask you, do you think that done? And Ordinary Girl as you see it is almost like V1 and V2? Absolutely. Yes. Absolutely. And I’m really excited about whatever is to come next. Whatever this sound Is going to be whatever this look is going to be. I’m kind of [00:31:00] rediscovering me in this new, um position in my life as a as a soon to be wife, um soon to be step mom and I’m sure mother of more kids Um, I feel like I have learned so much about myself more than I Could have ever imagined and I had prayed for this.

I said, Lord, please prepare me to be a wife and a mother and don’t allow me to project my own pain and fear and anxieties onto my future husband or children. And I really wanted to get to a place of healing and understanding and compassion for myself. So that way I can move into the next version of myself in the next stage of life that I that I’ve always wanted.

I’ve always wanted to be a wife. I’ve [00:32:00] always wanted to be a mom. Um, and those are two really important roles for me, aside from just being a musician, a person who wants to inspire and pour into people, um, I have never in my life learned so much. Um, because right now I’ve got five step kids. And never, I mean, all of my years teaching, working with kids, going to schools, talking in schools, never working with parents, even never in my life have I been in this role and learned so much compassion, patience, not just patience.

With the kids, patience with myself and having to really, um, ask myself, you know, hard questions in certain moments. And also, I think my healing work before, um, when I was in that done [00:33:00] stage. I learned how to really advocate for myself, um, and what I needed in a moment to be my best self. So whether that’s taking space, taking time, taking, taking a second to process, okay, what’s happening here?

What do I feel? Why do I feel this? Where is this coming from? Is this a trigger? Is this, you know, really how I feel? Why do I, you know, really asking myself? questions about my, you know, where I’m at in a moment and doing that, um, is, is really taking space for myself and still making myself a priority. And I think that we go through life, um, some people are just constantly in this triggered state where anything sets them off, where they’re reactive, where they’re not able to come back to self and [00:34:00] ask.

Why am I thinking this? Why am I feeling this? What do I feel? Where is this coming from? You know, and then the more work that you do on yourself, a lot of things come from our childhood. And then that goes back to forgiveness. Forgiving yourself, forgiving, um, the people that may have wronged you, have harmed you, have caused you pain.

Um, You know, and moving through life with a sense of peace that hey, everything’s gonna be okay. Right. And you’re on the right path. Yeah. You know, but that comes with faith, um, and believing in something. And, and what I’ve realized is that people are really lacking faith. You know in in a future faith and peace faith and being able to heal faith and being able to forgive Faith in themselves that they can have this life.

That is peaceful. That is [00:35:00] Filled with not just pockets of sunshine, you know, and that that was my reality in all of the Relationships I had experienced there was pockets of sunshine Yeah, you know and And then the rest was just doom and gloom, you know, and it doesn’t have to be that way and that doesn’t mean that every day is just Perfect and happy, but every day can be a place of safety for yourself, you know, emotional safety Yeah, and I think that when we learn how to create that for ourselves we can then create Translate that into our relationships.

Yeah, that, you know, that was one of the biggest things that I learned in my transformation was that I needed to come from a place of psychological safety. All, I, I was really dysregulated and had a very difficult time controlling my emotions from my childhood trauma, from, uh, Unhealed attachment [00:36:00] style, broken relationships, feeling like I was broken, buying into that narrative and, and, and that it’s okay.

You’ll be okay. Creating that safety for yourself. That was so looking outward. Well, this person, if I’m in this relationship and the relationship looks like this and my kids, if they do this, then I’ll feel like this. It’s, it’s more so Looking inward. Yeah. And starting within, within self. Yeah. And then that takes, you know, work.

Yeah. And that takes, um, I mean, it’s tough to look in the mirror and accept yourself where you’re at. With all your flaws. It does. With all your pain. It does. With all your brokenness. It does. And saying, you know what? I freaking love this girl. Right. Good job. Right. Proud of you. Right. And that’s how we need to be talking to ourselves.

Totally. You know, like if you saw a child. In the middle of the street, let’s just [00:37:00] say three, four, five years old crying. You don’t know this child. There’s nobody else around this child. What are you going to do? Yeah. What are you going to do? Probably go up to it, support, support, comfort. Hey, it’s going to be okay.

We’re going to find your parents. We’re going to find, you know, and, and maybe even an embrace, you know, to a complete stranger. Right. So why is it that we don’t do that with ourselves in our minds? Um, In a moment of fear, anxiety, stress, anger, whatever the emotion is. And I think too, we get into some muddy water when we, um, label our emotions as good or bad.

They’re not good or bad. They’re just emotions. And we’re allowed to have them. It’s what we do with them that matters. And so in a moment of fear, anxiety, stress, why is it that we’re not saying to ourselves, Britney, it’s, it’s going to be [00:38:00] okay. Judd, it’s going to be okay. Just take a second. Take a moment.

We’re going to figure this out. And that’s when we allow our childhood version of ourselves that was traumatized to come through and say, Hey, I’m running the show and I’m freaking out, you know, versus our adult version. That’s done some work. It’s done some healing and say, Hey little Judd, take a seat.

Yeah, I’ve got this. Yeah. Yeah, just chill. Yes. It’s okay. Yes I got you. Yeah, you know, you can reparent yourself. Absolutely. And you know That that’s the faith in love. Mm hmm. And you know when I was doing work To get regulated and learning about, uh, my nervous system. At some point I had a physician who diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder, BPD.

I was like, wow, I read that, I was like, this is [00:39:00] serious shit. Holy fu what the fu right? And I’m like, Wow, is this permanent? And then I got into dialectical behavioral therapy, DBT, which basically are a skill set to help you learn to calm and regulate your emotions. And it was in, in through that work that I was able to recognize that I had to first come from a place.

of regulation and I first had to treat myself with that compassion and that love to which you give that example of that child in the street. Because actually one of their skill sets, they have you take a 35, 000 view and say, you know what? If your best friend gave you this. situation, what would you do?

Now, when that happens to you, what do you do? And you’re like, [00:40:00] holy, I treat myself like I’m an enemy. Like I treat myself worse than the people I don’t like. And I don’t, you know. And so, I had to start really telling myself And working on that through affirmations and journaling and real work, you know, of, of self actualization that I am still 100 worthy.

Still worthy. Absolutely. Um, speaking of your, uh, five children and your future growing family, which I’m so excited about. Thank you. Social media. Yes. I know from having, and, and, and I enjoy being dad incredibly. And part of that comes with the pain of watching them see things and then come and say, my nose is too big.

My nose, [00:41:00] my, my butt’s too small. I need liposuction. Injections. Is there anything to do about my knees, your knees? Oh yeah. I heard people can get, yeah, those are knee replacements. That’s something that teenagers like, where are you getting this from? Right. But we all know where it is. And so how do you suggest to our, our children, to our next generation, to your generation, when you see these things, how do you not buy into the narrative that you are seeing something that.

You’re not realizing you curated. You’re comparing yourself and you are making yourself one and Dollar and five cents and nickels and dimes rather than that hundred. How do you hold that value? So, okay So with social media what we need to realize first is that everyone posts their highlight reels You know every day these are the best parts of [00:42:00] people’s lives sometimes You Last week sometimes last year we’re posting stuff not even in real time and now we’ve got AI Which people are like, is that a real person or is this an AI person that I’m looking at?

Right, so we’re not even being fed We’re seeing the highlight reels and the or I’m comparing my nose to a computer generated perfect nose. Correct. Correct. And the thing is, is that we were all made perfect, perfect. And there’s only what our superpower is, is that there’s only one of you and there’s one of me and there’s one of you.

Um, and that is so beautiful. There’s literally no one like you. On the seven, eight billion people, however many people are on this earth, there’s no one like you and that is powerful and with your flaws and all and then it [00:43:00] really goes back to self acceptance instead of comparing ourselves because we’re comparing ourselves to other hurt people who might not like themselves, who are changing their outer to try to feel better on the inside.

We don’t know what those people, you know, and I used to do that with my career in music. I used to see the same people at auditions and wonder, well, why is it that that girl got the part when I’m more this or more that, or I’m better at this? Why is it that she’s getting all of the things, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah?

And what’s so interesting is that time has a way of kind of telling us if we pay attention why that wasn’t meant for us. Why that thing over there, that’s not, we’re not supposed to be doing that. Because we never know what someone had to give up or sacrifice to be where they’re at. And sometimes, sometimes it’s not [00:44:00] a sacrifice.

We just don’t know another person’s story. And what they had to do or what they didn’t do to get to where they’re at. And we have to continue to have faith in ourselves and in our futures and in our present moment that we’re on the right path. That what is for us. We are attracting what is for us will come to us at the perfect time.

Yeah that we were made perfect In God’s image and so with all of that and and I will say too My faith is completely changed, you know through having cancer the relational abuse I had to not only find myself, but I had to find God. Yeah. Um, and really kind of surrender and say, you know what, I cannot do this.

Without God. [00:45:00] And whatever somebody’s beliefs are, you know, it’s not for me to push, you know, or shove any type of religious beliefs down someone’s throat. But I had to literally stop for a second and say, okay, I got here somehow. And all of this, everything has happened for a reason. Good, bad, indifferent.

And I had to ask myself, why, you know, why am I here? You know, and I think that’s, uh, that’s an ever evolving question because we all have a purpose. And if we dig deep, we can, we can find it. You know, and it’s not just one thing. You know, like, When I met you, I was kind of in a, in a, I was excited, but also I was kind of like, man, I’m out here driving Uber, like [00:46:00] pouring into people in my car.

Why can’t I do this on some bigger level? Like I’m not singing, like I’m just complaining. Right. And now here we are in your studio. Perfect example of literally taking, I have an idea. I want to do this thing because I believe in myself that I can do it. Yeah. And now here you are doing it. And then shortly after, I’m getting calls for national anthems.

Everyone’s, everyone’s always asking me how did you get into the national anthem? So I started singing the national anthem when I was a kid, but I said to myself, A couple of years ago, literally, you know, I want to do NFL. That’s like a stadium, not an arena. It’s a stadium. That’s getting me closer to sing in the super bowl, which is what I want to do.

Mark my words here, right here, right here. We’re putting the intention out. We [00:47:00] are. And I said, okay. Well, I don’t, I’m just gonna go on LinkedIn, I’m gonna look up these people that are in charge of game entertainment or marketing, you know, the people that I think are booking this stuff, I’m going to, then I had to use these other websites, they’re like websites for bosses, like companies that are hiring people, um, and I had, I got like so many free lookups of company web of company email addresses.

And so I got these people’s names off LinkedIn, then got on another website and got what I thought might be their email. And I literally made a list of all 32 teams of the, the, um, NFL teams. And I just sent out emails. Hey, this is who I am. Here’s what I do. Here’s what I’ve done. Would love to do it for you.

Okay. What do you think that was basically my email [00:48:00] and I sent all 32 emails in like a couple of days And got, you know, 15 something responses, which turned into even bigger things, which turned into relationships being built and, you know, really saying, man, you can really do whatever it is that you put your mind to.

And you have to trust that whatever idea that you’ve been given, you have to trust that and not let. Anyone falter you on that plan B, Hey, maybe you shouldn’t do plan A because it’s a little too big. It’s a little too much for you. I don’t think you’re ready for that. I don’t think you’re good enough. For that.

So you need to have plan B just in case it doesn’t work out. And I hate that, you know, and we’re taught that from a young age, we’ll have this backup plan. Right. Why? Right. Why not just go for it? Right. Go! [00:49:00] So that way you don’t have, you’re not looking back and saying, if I just would have done that thing, if I would have just made that call, if I would have just put myself out there on social media when I was struggling, 21 or whatever the case may be, just do it, just go do it and don’t have any fear of rejection.

People are always going to say whatever they’re going to say, people are going to hate. And again, that comes from that, that you’ve got to approach that with the, with the spirit of forgiveness because those people, they don’t, they’re not in touch with themselves because if they were, they would know how awesome they are.

how valuable they are, and they wouldn’t be hating on somebody else’s value over here. Because we’re all valuable. We all have a very unique purpose. We are all beautiful, and I think like you said at the root of everything is love. I think as human beings [00:50:00] we crave connection. We crave acceptance, and at the root of it we we crave love, but we have to learn How to give that stuff to ourselves.

And it’s not just going to go get your nails done or going to go work out at the gym. Those are all great. Taking care of ourselves, but it’s really looking in the mirror and saying, you know what? I like that girl. I like that guy. I like you. Yeah. Great job. Right. I’m excited for you today. Right. I’m proud of you today, even though you might not have gotten it right.

Yesterday or an hour ago or even just a second ago, but you’re about to get it, right? You’re about to approach this thing that we call life with a spirit of Excitement because there’s only one you that’s pretty powerful if you really think about it That’s why I say authenticity is your [00:51:00] superpower. It is.

I think about the time where I came to the point where I had to tell my inner child when, you know, the ego version would show up on that part of me and say, you know what? I hear you. I see you. And I value you for what you had to do in survivor mode. But you just can’t take the wheel anymore. You got to sit in the back seat and enjoy the new ride, which is going to be much less bumpy and a beautiful path ahead.

Um, it’s, and I’m going to have to, you know, one of my creative containers is my children’s picture book series, Sterling the night. Yes. And, uh, In book one, um, Sterling the Knight and Nugget the Dragon teaches children empathy. But I also wanted the children’s book series to be sort of this, Parent and [00:52:00] child or caregiver, caretaker and child connector where some of us adults can learn it too because I didn’t know empathy because I didn’t see empathy.

I wasn’t given empathy. So how can I mirror empathy? And so I wanted that book to not only teach children the important social and emotional learning skill they will need to turn into. As they turn into adults, but for us adults too. And then in, uh, book two, Sterling the Knight in the Slonefall Tournament, we are introduced, Sterling and his best friend Maxton are introduced to this new character, Jada.

And I was sitting down with you at lunch and I was telling you about this idea and, you know, uh, Jada, the name came from my, my daughter, Jaden, but the character came from you, [00:53:00] the character in that development reminded me, I wanted to emulate. Your version of how you show up today through this children’s picture book series and sure enough Jada Who is who’s a very power?

Woman because she is in her her power And, and knows her value. And, and then in now, Sterling the Knight and the Magic Connection, Nugget’s birthday party. And, and sometimes there’s only a dragon that can understand another dragon. And so, Sterling Maxson and, and Jada the Rat Pack, they go out to find another dragon to introduce Nugget.

But, that’s the power of the connection because sometimes, We don’t really understand. And I wanted to ask you leading into that because part of your part of your narrative for a while was your experience from [00:54:00] relationships from toxic men. And I’ve been doing a lot of focus on toxic masculinity and I’m working with a Um, I’m collaborating with another creative genius, uh, Dr.

Rebecca Heiss and, and we’re talking about what the modern night would look like, like what would the men and women of today under a code of chivalry, of vulnerability and emotional intelligence and self worth and self love look like today so people can see what to mirror about it. But I’m curious because You were able as a, as a, as a woman of minority and in relationships and now in a relationship that, you know, I can’t wait to ask you about Leo, um, who I’ve had the pleasure of meeting.

Um, what, what was that [00:55:00] version? The feminine side, how did you look at masculinity and, and, and get through? To give yourself another chance. Oh yeah. At love. Well, uh, one thing that I love that you said, was that you weren’t given empathy. Uh, but she got to it and I think so many of us are kind of like, well, I didn’t get it.

So how could I possibly give it? I didn’t see it. So how could I possibly, you know, give it right. And it wasn’t an example for me. But as. Adults it’s our responsibility in our healing work in our self love and in all of that in that journey To learn it so good, you know instead of pointing the finger again and blaming others as to why we are not capable of Doing something even though we were not given it or shown it.

[00:56:00] So I love that you said that and I say It’s not your fault for what happened to you, but it is your responsibility to do something about it. Correct. Correct. And that’s, I think, the hard part about healing. You know, it’s looking in the mirror and saying, Okay, we’re starting from square one here. You know, from what we’ve been through.

So now I’ve got to put some tools in my, in my, in my bag here that I can use and that I can, that I can help myself grow and, and now give these things that I wasn’t given show these things that I wasn’t shown, exemplify these things that weren’t made an example for me. So I love that you said that now getting back to Masculinity.

Um, so I used to go into relationships, um, being obviously a woman, but very coming in very strong with, with a very strong masculinity. [00:57:00] Um, almost to where I was mothering the men that I was dating, um, looking to fix them in some capacity. Um, instead of looking inward, at what I needed to do for myself. And I was kind of carrying this dead weight, trying to get these men to see themselves like how I was seeing them.

And that’s not anyone’s responsibility. That’s their responsibility, including my own responsibility to see myself like how God sees me because I wasn’t seeing myself. How I needed to yeah, I wasn’t valuing myself like how I needed to so I was coming in with this strong like Masculine kind of I wasn’t able to be vulnerable Really even in the in the last relationship where I thought I was being vulnerable.

I was still um Mothering, I was still taking care of this man and trying to [00:58:00] fix him, um, and, and really I, I say man lightly. It was almost like a, just a, a man child, you know, and so I had to look at that and ask myself, why am I doing that? Why am I allowing a person to take so much from me to where I am empty at the end, and then they leave, or they cheat, or they lie.

You And now I’m really feeling broken because I just gave and gave and gave but I gave not only With this intention of fixing them, but I gave with this intention for them to love me back Yeah I’m so perfect of a spouse of a girlfriend of a future wife of a future mother That you are going to love me so hard and I had to say But Brittany, why aren’t you loving yourself so hard?

Why aren’t you giving yourself these things? And it’s not to say that other people can’t meet your needs, because I do think that it’s [00:59:00] important, um, to, to have balance in a relationship. Instead of co dependency, um, having inter dependency. So where we still have our own identity, our own lives, and we come together, um, and we’re better because of it.

Um, so I really, like you said earlier, I really had to dig deep and find out, well, what is Brittany like? Not what is this man like for him to love me. What do I have to do for him to love and accept me? Um, and it, it also goes back to my childhood of just growing up in the industry of feeling like, well, if I’m not doing something extraordinary, that I’m not worth it.

Yeah. So I would, in all of my relationships out of fear, you know, fear of not being loved, fear of not being cheated on, fear of not being perfect, and I really had to [01:00:00] get to a place of not only forgiving myself, but accepting myself. Even in, you know, all of the the masculinity that I was bringing into relationships with this strong sense of this is how we’re gonna do it.

Let’s Like, come on, come up with a plan for your life. Let’s go. Not to say that I can’t still be supportive, but I’m now in a relationship where I feel, um, safe. Yeah. To be feminine and to move in my femininity, and that’s not to say that I don’t have strong ideas, because I’m still Brittany Holmes at the end of the day, and we all know that I’ve got a very strong mind.

But that is so, so, so important, and I want to say that again, because in In order for you to help us men, you had to be safe first. And what kind of like I [01:01:00] hear, I’m thinking about is, it’s interesting that you almost entered relationships which were doomed from the start. To prove your own narrative. Ah, see, see, they would cheat.

They would do this. They would do this. And, and you can come from a place where many I see women are coming from is I don’t need a man. I don’t need a man. I can, I can get everything now through any app at a home. I need, including a person to lift my fridge and put it on if I’m not strong enough to do it, but you know, and, and, and hyper independence, hyper independence and in that.

And that’s hurtful because And bitterness. Really? Bitterness. Because what What gets hurt in relationships gets healed in relationships, too. It does. And the best relationships, if you’re open, will mirror what it is in yourself that you need to maybe take some extra time to notice, to get curious about, to ask some [01:02:00] questions.

Well, why am I doing that? Why do I do that? You know, um, and, and start to dig deep about Who you are, you know, and and allow that relationship to kind of mirror that back to you But for me it was emotional Safety physical safety as well first And you know even through the process of done and being done period I still had hope and faith after Heartbreak.

I did not want to write another song that was like, I don’t need a man. I’m good all by myself. I can do bad all by myself, which is great to have that confidence. I’m not saying get rid of that, that, that fire and that confidence. But at the end of the day, if we’re being honest, I think, I think we all, Want companionship, compassion, acceptance, even if it’s not out of a romantic relationship, we still crave connection.

[01:03:00] I don’t think that we were put on this earth to just be in caves by ourselves, you know, and just be alone. I think we, um, we thrive off human connection and if we do it the right way, we learn, um, and we’re constantly learning. I feel like. Life you’re never just okay. I’m healed. I’ve come to the place where I know everything.

Yeah, I’m good Yeah, no life is is a constant journey of healing of learning of getting curious of asking questions of wondering why you know feeling like okay, I thought That that part of me was healed, but maybe now in this relationship that I’m so vulnerable in, maybe it’s not actually healed all the way.

Maybe I need to take some time, take a second to process where is this coming from? Is this a trigger? Is this my trauma? Yeah. [01:04:00] You know, am I reacting to something that in the now that actually happened in my past? Yeah. I mean, on that journey, I keep running into like, whoa, There’s another mask. It’s been on so long.

I didn’t even know I was wearing this one. And you know, it’s constant uncovering, but I also heard what happens in relationships sometimes is You also robbed yourself of your feminine energy. Oh, yeah. And for me, when I played small, when I played victim, when I played this is happening to me, and I only went in nurturing, and I only went, I also robbed myself of my masculine energy.

Absolutely. Because I just went into the place of, Oh, well, I guess it is what it is. It’s just, it is, [01:05:00] you know, and giving myself love and coming from a place of love. Balanced energy. Balance, that’s the key word right there, balance, you know, and, and, and I wanted to enter into a relationship. I had hope for this and faith that I would find this, which I did, um, that I would find a man that is able to be vulnerable with me.

Not this. idea of masculinity or of a strong man where I don’t feel, I don’t have feelings, nothing bothers me. I’m strong all the time, I’m perfect all the time, I’m in shape, making all the money, all of the things that are, you know. Put on to men. Yeah Unfairly, I think and it’s not talked about [01:06:00] enough. I know that with women and all of the Gender roles and masculinity infamity that that’s been a pretty big topic I think we have been getting into that more but what about the men, you know, and there’s such a A high expectation that’s not discussed that’s put on men and young boys at a very early age that they’re to carry Men don’t boys don’t cry right girls do right, you know, girls are weak boys are strong You know and all of these kind of um stereotypes and and You know, stigmas that are placed onto men.

And now we’ve got a bunch of, um, wounded, wounded man, children walking around in in off their own bodies that are inauthentic, that aren’t able to express themselves. [01:07:00] Exactly. And it’s ego, and it’s insecurity. I think every man that I’ve been with, except for my future husband, has been hyper insecure. Yeah.

And I thought, I could fix it. Yeah. I could, I could just love you into loving yourself. And in turn, you’re gonna love me, which is what I need. And, um, I had to come to a place of acceptance, um, and learn to respect. Relax, you know, in the relation and be vulnerable, but feel safe to do so. And I think in feeling safe to do so, um, my now, you know, soon to be husband is able to be vulnerable with me, which allows me to be vulnerable with him and it creates a trust that is like no other, okay, I see you.

I see you at your worst and you see me at my worst and it’s [01:08:00] okay because we’re both accepting of each other and ourselves and that it’s okay to allow for another human being to even see us like that, right? And that creates a space of not only emotional safety, but healing to where we can actually.

Start thinking about why we feel these things. Where do they come from? Let’s have a conversation about it, you know, and conflict. Doesn’t always have to be this scary thing doesn’t always have to be this intimidating Oh my god, here comes the the big conversation that yeah I don’t want to have with myself or with this other person and it actually is an opportunity for us to Get to know ourselves and one another if we allow it and that comes from vulnerability and I think truly a truly strong man is able to Lay down.[01:09:00]

This is who I am flaws and all yeah to me when I see that I see strength. Yeah Because it took strength to get to that vulnerable moment not hold it in and keep it in and I’m just perfect and I’m just Strong and I don’t feel anything. I really hate that. I hate that for men because it’s it’s one not realistic We all have emotions that fluctuate daily Yeah, you know and it’s unfair to keep those in and hold on to that And hold on to this expectation that the world says that you’ve got to be strong.

Yeah You know, I I, I think of, um, the fact that the toxic masculinity is intoxic, but those traits, those are the ones that become toxic, right? Because back in medieval days, when we ran in as, as knights and w you know, into the fire, die on the sword and bravery. [01:10:00] Be vulnerable today. That’s the modern night.

Yes. Vulnerability. Yes. Because also to your point, when we are vulnerable and when we are authentic, we give permission for others to do the same. Absolutely. Vulnerability breeds vulnerability. It does. And safety for growth. For growth, because how do you grow if you’re constantly denying your own emotions?

Yeah. You can’t feel that. Right. That’s bad. Right. No. Right. And that goes back to the child. That’s our inner child. That’s in the middle of the road. That’s alone. That’s scared. That’s fearful. That’s angry That’s whatever and we’re saying no stop crying. Stop feeling like that. Why do we do that to ourselves?

If we would not do that to a stranger To a stranger someone that we don’t know at all a child that we don’t know or even an adult You know, it’s it’s approaching [01:11:00] Ourselves, um, you, you’ve always heard this, I’m sure we’ve all heard this, treat others like how you, you know, want to be treated. And why is it that we’re treating ourselves so poorly in our minds?

And we’re, we’re in this kind of hell in our minds. Um, and that can be freed when we surrender. Yeah, I know when I was struggling at one point with something, I remembered somebody told me, Judd, where is the grace you give? Others. Where is it that you give it to yourself and you know, as you’re talking about your relationship now, like my body is just like the nervous sis, like I’m as green as can be.

My body is just, you know, because It’s heartwarming. It’s, it’s what I would want, you know, and it feels healing. Yes. When you can talk about that. And so, you know, getting a, getting a little chance to know Leo and, and talking to you, you know, [01:12:00] it reminds me that, or it sounds like to me, That when you were first early hanging out, it was like your most naked inner children playing.

Absolutely. Right? Because there was no, intention. There was no expectation. The two of you continued. And through that connection, that deep, authentic human connection through a bond of music and, and, and, and love. Absolutely. The two of you were playing in a virtual sandbox, right? It was like over and over, like, I can’t wait to get back to the playground to meet Leo.

Yes. Because it was your most core, your most beautiful versions of yourself showing up. It was. And it still is. That’s the crazy thing [01:13:00] is that we’re still going strong, you know. And I love that we can both be vulnerable, um, and, and authentic. Yeah. Instead of hiding. I think, With people that I’ve dated before, there was always this like, who are you?

Like, what’s really up? Like, let it down. You know, a lot of facades out of fear. Yeah, you know, and and it was confusing. And they say that there is no confusion in love, you know, and there’s no fear in love, true love. And that’s not just romantic love that I’m talking about, that’s self love, that’s loving your neighbor, you know, your friends, your colleagues, you know, and I’m really starting to hold myself to that standard and asking myself, is this love?

You know, is it patient? Is it kind? All of these [01:14:00] things. Um, and so what I love about Leo and I’s relationship is not only can we be our authentic selves without fear, which is great to be able to walk with someone else. And be like, this is me. You’ve seen it all feel safe, good, bad, ugly. Yeah. You know, and, and then accept it because we’re not perfect.

Yeah. Nobody’s perfect. I had to let that thing go. Yeah. I had to let, trying to be perfect. Go lay down that armor. I had to lay down the armor, throw that thing in the garbage all the way to Timbuktu, um, and say, you know what? I am not perfect. I am doing the best with what I have been given. In this moment, I’m going to continue to be open to receiving new information, sometimes information about myself that maybe I don’t want to hear.

[01:15:00] Um, and I think the best relationships, including my relationship with Leo, is that, um, we can hold each other accountable without, um, judgment or criticism. You know, without that fear of, man, you’re just criticizing me, you know, and there’s times. I may feel criticized, but he’s like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Not my intention. And we’re able to have a conversation about it. And I’m like, I see, I see what you mean. And then I realized something about myself that maybe I can be Get curious about or be more aware of and honestly, just grow, you know, as a, as a young woman, as a, as a future mother, a stepmother, as a wife, as a business woman, um, and take all of these things that I’m learning into every facet of my life, you know, and just be better.

And I think [01:16:00] that’s what, um, The best relationships are supposed to do, they’re supposed to challenge you in ways that make you grow. If you are not being challenged and, and, and learning about yourself. I’m not talking about challenged, meaning I’m fighting to get this person to love me back. Um, I actually have a song in a previous, um, I was actually engaged before and I have a song called Love Me Back.

Right. I was writing songs about men loving me back. Yes. And that’s Why aren’t I getting it? It’s, it’s, it’s like the same thing. And I said to myself after, after the last relationship, I said, no more. Yeah. I’m gonna Hold myself to a higher standard. I’m going to love myself. I’m going to love myself. I’m not nickeling and diming my relationships anymore.

No more little pockets of sunshine. I deserve the whole [01:17:00] thing. And I think in our pain, we become so hurt and angry and bitter that we say, I don’t need that anyway. All women suck. All men suck, you know, and that’s just not the case. One, two, maybe three, maybe your experience has sucked. Yeah. That doesn’t mean it has to continue to suck.

Yeah. You know, it circles back to how you described earlier that, We’re all fighting battles that none of us are really talking about. And so when we come from a perspective that we all are wounded in some way and we’re all hurt and we all have the responsibility on ourselves to heal, but we also have a shared responsibility to humanity.

Absolutely. You know, and I’ve been married and I’ve been divorced and I’ve been in good relationships and not such great ones. And I could tell you that the only piece of advice I could give you [01:18:00] as you enter your marriage. Yes. is the most important is to learn how to fight. You know, we don’t talk enough about fighting because we don’t fight, you know?

Okay. And we don’t shame it. We don’t kill. We don’t learn to fight. Right? Because for me, that means regulating your own emotion, having the awareness. It all right. Well, like what’s poking this, I love what you said in the beginning that, um, I’m trying to ask my feelings, or my emotions, or my body, what’s going on, and I’m not giving the thought any more power.

I’m going inside and going, what’s this about? Where am I feeling this and why am I feeling it? Not that like, the garbage didn’t go out, I asked twice on the day, like, It’s what’s, what’s coming up on this, right? [01:19:00] Where does this come from? Where does this come from? And so when, when I now regulate my emotion and then I relate, meaning let’s connect, let’s get back to where you know, our love is, and then let’s repair.

Because so often I want to jump to, okay, I want to tell you how I felt about what it’s like, but like. There’s a time and place and it’s important. What we first need to do is, is like go to the movie or listen to some tunes or, or touch and hug. Being willing. Yes. You know, being willing, being open to maybe, okay, maybe I could have done that better.

Yeah. Maybe next time I’ll approach that. I could have said that differently. I understand where you’re coming from. Um, having empathy towards your partner, um, and respect and being able, I have not always been [01:20:00] the best active listener. I want to get it out. I want to say it. Say my piece and let that be that.

And I still, um, sometimes struggle with that, but Leo is very patient. Thank God, uh, with me and he allows me to get it all out. Um, and then he exemplifies how he. Gets it out by being patient with me. I’m like man. This dude is patient with me when I am on one Yeah, so let me I love him enough. I respect him enough To give him the same So let me hear him because I want him to feel heard because I know what it feels like to not feel heard.

Yes You know, and so if you take yourself back to what those, those feelings felt like, those feelings of loneliness, of abandonment, of fear, of anxiety, of not feeling good enough, stress, [01:21:00] and then you’re like, okay, this person, Might be feeling those same things. We might not have had the same experience But those feelings are the same.

I know what it feels like to feel at rock bottom I know what it feels like to have Suicidal thoughts and say well, it’s just easier to just not be here It would be better if I wasn’t here. I know what it feels like to have no hope. So then when I am in conflict with my partner, I’m able to offer them not only a platform to be heard, because I know what it feels like to not be heard.

I know what it feels like to feel like I can’t even say what I’m feeling out of fear of your reaction. And that’s, I think, where people get into, into trouble. They’re not able to communicate. And it takes two willing people that humble themselves and say, you know what, today I just didn’t, I wasn’t, I [01:22:00] didn’t have it.

I fell short. I, I wasn’t good today. I showed off 10 percent I gave you. Can you, can you forgive me and not continue to hold these, these, these grudges and keep tally of, well, you did this. to me last week. So then I’m going to do this and you’re going to sit down, you know, and just having compassion and having respect and having, you know, where it goes both ways where it’s reciprocal instead of where you feel empty.

At the end of the day, because you’re maybe constantly listening to someone, but you don’t feel heard. Yeah. You know? I have a friend, Brian Miller, who says, listen to understand. Yes. I love that, right? Yes. And, for sure, everyone, everywhere, deserves to be heard, seen, and feel valued. Absolutely. Speaking of valued, I get into this Uber.

And, uh, you know, I’m hearing about, somehow it got to American Idol and [01:23:00] I’m like, Cat, what? Get out of here. And he said, yeah, you want to hear me sing? I was like, yeah. I look at Buzz and Buzz is like, yeah, I want to hear him sing. Definitely want to hear him sing, right? And what are you going to sing? You bailed out, sweet child of mine, in this voice and, you know.

And we’re like looking at each other and I’m like, can I film this? And that was amazing and remarkable. And I wondered, do you think we could get like a song? Can I get you to sing? I mean, this studio is not acoustics. There’s no like sounding, but can I get a little something of the, the Brittany that I hear today?

Yes. Yes. Not the one that came out of that relationship. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Here’s why, too. This is what I always tell all my students. I’m like, if you want to be a singer, you’ve got to sing sick, tired, don’t know the words. If you want to be a professional. You’ve got to do it. I watch all these people on YouTube and they preface their [01:24:00] videos with hey guys I’ve been sick for the last two weeks.

It’s a new song. I don’t really quite know the words. I’m gonna do my best So here we go. They’re already Trying to tell people I might not be perfect. This could come across at 20. Yes, I might not be perfect. And look, and so I always tell people to be, to be ready. And the, and before I sing it, because I’m going to sing Sweet Child for you again.

Um, There’s a story behind that song. So I was auditioning for a cover band in Dallas Ended up getting into another cover band in Dallas and they had me they wanted me to sing this rock song. I’m not a rocker Yeah, I’m like I didn’t even grow up with that. I grew up with old Motown, you know R& B And I’m like I don’t even I can’t even get this in my brain like I can’t even learn I was already saying [01:25:00] no I’m not gonna do it Right, and so the significance of sweet child.

I have sang that song not only at parties But I’ve sing it at funerals And it and it holds such a dear place to me because I I love it and I love People’s reaction to it. Um, whether you sing it with the full band or you sing it with a piano, it’s a beautiful song. And, um, you know, I had to do the same thing that I did with myself with music and being open to, I used to be very judgmental.

Um, I still can be, I’m working on it. Um, but I used to be really bad where I would be like, I don’t like it. I hate it. No, turn it off. Instead of approaching music and art with more of an open with empathy. Well, that person created this thing and they created it in a moment [01:26:00] in time that was significant.

For them, you know, and, and that’s how I try to look now at everything, at art, at, at, at everybody, you know, instead of pointing the finger and being judgmental right away and reactive, you know, and I think reactivity comes from a place of not being able to, um, self regulate or even being self aware when I see people start acting out like children.

But they’re in adult bodies. I’m like, Mmm, reactive. What is it that you haven’t healed? Right. Uh, but I love Sweet Child. It’s actually one of my favorite songs ever, um, to sing at any gig. Um, and it, and it’s just, it’s just a beautiful song. So, are you ready? I, I am, I am so ready. Okay. Ready? Let’s do it.

Let’s do it. All right. Bringing it back to when we first met. Yeah. [01:27:00] Let’s do it. Yes. She’s got a smile that it seems to me Reminds me of childhood memories Where everything was as fresh as a bright blue sky Now and then when I see her face, she takes me away to that special place, and if I stare too long, I’d probably break down and cry.

Whoa, sweet child of mine. Whoa, sweet love of mine.

A shell. And look, that is Still fresh off of antibiotics and steroids on my arms. You are. Thank you. Beautiful. Thank you. Inside and out. Thank you. You know, Brittany, I have a question that I ask all the [01:28:00] guests Yes. At the end. Yes. And it’s because you’re doing so much for the world. The energy and the love you are putting out in the universe.

Your art, your beauty, your, your purpose and soul. Mm-Hmm. . How does Brittany Holmes most authentically connect with herself? That’s a loaded question. I would say, um, acceptance acceptance in moments where I don’t have it all together. Acceptance in moments where I don’t feel my best. I don’t feel like I look my best where I’m judging myself and I take a step back and I say, you know what?

I still love you, girl. Still love you. Might not have came through all the way today, but I still love you. And [01:29:00] you’re still deserving. I literally talk to myself in the mirror. People are like, you know, Hey, be careful about doing mirror work. You really need to be ready for that. I’m like, why? Yeah. Go up to yourself.

And speak to yourself the way in which you would like to be spoken to. And so I look in the mirror, crazy hair, you know, bedhead, whatever the case, sick, you know, and I say, man, girl, I still love you. I love you. I’m so proud of you. So in, in moments where I feel like I fall short, I remind myself that I’m still that 100 bill of flaws and all.

And I’m still worthy. I’m still worthy. And that comes from forgiveness, grace, patience, you know, all of these things that we expect from others, but we’re unwilling to give ourselves. It [01:30:00] doesn’t make any sense. So I, I would say that that is my number one is being able to take a second. it and become curious as to your own thoughts and your own feelings.

And instead of approaching yourself with so much, um, expectation and judgment and criticism, have a little grace for yourself daily, every second and say, you know what, I’m doing the best that I can with what I have. And I am constantly going to challenge myself to learn more. And to grow. That’s it. If you have that attitude, nothing can stop you.

Brittany Holmes, you are an amazing human being. Thank you, Judd. So are you. I was blessed by all of the love and God in the universe for you to have picked me up that day. I think there was a reason. Absolutely. And I think that we now know what it was. Yes. [01:31:00] Amen. Thanks for coming on today. Thank you for having me, Judd.

I want to extend my deepest gratitude to you. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please follow us on your favorite platform or share this episode with a friend. You can also follow me on Instagram at JuddShawOfficial. A special thank you to Personal Injury Law Firm. Judge Shaw Injury Law for their support in helping us bring this podcast to life.

Remember friends, authenticity isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being real. It’s about embracing our vulnerabilities, celebrating our strengths, and owning our stories. Until next time.

Orange Star

Behind the Armor:
Judd Shaw

Hey, there. I’m Judd Shaw—a lifelong adventurer, storyteller, and emotional intelligence speaker. Growing up, I grappled with feelings of inadequacy, tirelessly driving me to prove my worth in every aspect of my life. As a successful attorney, I reached the top of my field, but success came at a cost. Pursuing perfection left me emotionally drained and disconnected from my true self. It took a global pandemic and the breakdown of my marriage to shake me awake.

Amid the chaos, I embarked on a profound journey inward, delving into mental health, trauma, and the power of authentic human connection. Through therapy and inner work, I learned to regulate my emotions and cultivate a deep sense of self-love. I’m on a mission to share my story and inspire others to embrace their authenticity.

Orange Star

Behind the Armor:
Judd Shaw

I’m Judd Shaw—an adventurer, storyteller, and EQ speaker. Raised in adversity, I internalized a belief that I wasn’t good enough—a belief that drove me to chase success at any cost. As a workaholic attorney, I climbed the ladder of achievement, but a deep sense of emptiness lay beneath the façade of success.

It took a series of personal setbacks, including the upheaval of COVID-19 and the dissolution of my marriage, to jolt me out of my complacency. In the wake of chaos, I embarked on a soul-searching journey, diving into my psyche’s depths to uncover authenticity’s true meaning. Through therapy and introspection, I learned to confront my inner demons and embrace my true self with open arms. Now, as a leading speaker on authenticity, an award-winning author of the children’s book series Sterling the Knight, and a podcast host, I’m dedicated to helping others break free from the limits of perfectionism and live life on their terms.

Orange Star

Behind the Armor:
Judd Shaw

Hi, I’m Judd Shaw—a speaker on human connection and authenticity. From a young age, I battled feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Determined to prove my worth, I threw myself into my career as an attorney, striving for success with unwavering determination.

As the accolades piled, I felt increasingly disconnected from my true self. The relentless pursuit of perfection took its toll, leaving me emotionally exhausted and yearning for something more. It took a global pandemic and the breakdown of my marriage to finally shake me out of my complacency and set me on a new path.

Through therapy and self-reflection, I began to peel back the layers of my persona, uncovering the power of authenticity in forging deep, meaningful connections. As a leading speaker on authenticity, an award-winning author of the children’s book series Sterling the Knight, and a podcast host, I’m on a mission to inspire others to embrace their true selves.


Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat. Ut wisi enim ad minim Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh. euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna.

Listen Now


Circle Graphic

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat. Ut wisi enim ad minim Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh. euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna.

Learn More

Brand Strategy & Development Alchemy + Aim
Branding & Site Design Daydream Graphic Design
Brand Alchemist Nick Onken