Embrace the Healing Thread of Humor with Kate Davis

Judd Shaw: Welcome to Behind the Armor, where we deep dive into the heart of what matters. I’m your host, Judd Shaw, adventurer, storyteller, agent of change, and speaker on authenticity and human connection. Join me as we explore the complexities of human connection featuring theorists, scientists, and speakers.

Judd Shaw: Our mission is simple. To inspire you to reclaim your true self and create genuine connections with others. Join me as we laid out our armor and live authentically. Hello, you beautiful people. And thanks for tuning in today. We’re talking with Kate Davis, a comedian. writer, speaker, mother of three, and actress.

Judd Shaw: Kate Davis has the unique ability to find, well, humor in any situation. Kate’s generous insight and outspoken character provides a powerful combination to help organizations empower their [00:01:00] staff with effective tools for managing stress and sustaining motivation. Let’s see what’s behind the armor. With Kate, Kate, you teach us about the art, the beauty, and really the love of humor and how that deepens human connection.

Judd Shaw: You are an. Internationally renowned keynote speaker, an author, a podcast host, a standup comedian, and a mom of three. Thank you so much for finding the time to come on the show.

Kate Davis: Well, you’re welcome. Thanks for having me. I’m excited.

Judd Shaw: Me too. I’m so grateful for you coming on. And you know, I, I kind of, when I think about your jobs, I can have a stab as of.

Judd Shaw: Father myself of the job. That’s the most difficult of all of them, [00:02:00] but also the most rewarding. And what I found interestingly was your role as mom of three actually led to your career. In comedy, tell us about that journey.

Kate Davis: I just needed to get out of the house, Judd. That’s what happened. I’m out of here.

Kate Davis: I don’t even know you people. You take all my money, forget it. I didn’t even know how broke I was until last year somebody stole my identity. And it ruined her life, you know what I mean? That’s how expensive kids are. It doesn’t matter. I know. Oh my gosh. Yeah. No, I, you know what? It was very organic. It was, uh, actually 97 when I started to stand up, I had two kids, one in me, so three, you know, so to speak.

Kate Davis: Um, but I lived around the corner from a comedy club that I had to pass by every day to get to my best friend’s house. So one night after putting the kids to bed, I wandered in and never really looked back. It, uh, it’s more an [00:03:00] addiction, I think. But back then there was no YouTube. There was no, like, if you wanted to see stand up, it was old school.

Kate Davis: You went to the club and, and saw stand up. And it was literally something I could do a couple nights a week, five minutes at a time that fueled everything else I was trying to balance.

Judd Shaw: Comedy, how artful and, uh, creative it can be and terrifying, but it’s a form of communication, right? How does, how does humor deepen human connection?

Kate Davis: That is a great question. How does he, you know what? It’s interesting because if we look up connectivity nowadays. It’s literally all computer related, but if I tell a good joke, um, it brings everyone into that moment and a shared moment allows us to bond. You know, we always remember, what are you going to remember from an award show?

Kate Davis: You’re going to remember the funny in it. You’re, you know, if you’re at a conference, you’re going to [00:04:00] remember, you know, the funny speaker. I think it’s, I think it’s a way that really connects people by sharing, you know, we all love to watch like dumb cat videos, cats falling. Like it’s, it doesn’t take a lot for us to laugh, but it does take a lot for us to connect.

Kate Davis: And laughter, I believe truly does make us kinder to one another.

Judd Shaw: You know, taking the stage and obviously getting laughs and getting applause, Um, can be very validating. And I wonder for you, because I know for me in my history, part of that also became an addiction. You, you, you mentioned that word. And for me, my addiction was the external validation, the applaud and the success and everybody really, uh, just rooting on my veneer.

Judd Shaw: But, uh, how do you. How do you balance that?

Kate Davis: I, you know what? I think it’s, I think that’s a [00:05:00] great point and a great question because I think it’s really about, it’s not telling the next best joke. It’s really about not taking ourselves so seriously and bringing that to every aspect of our lives when we can laugh at ourselves, whether it be our successes or our failures.

Kate Davis: Whether it can be not even failures or just us trying, you know, I think it’s so important to have that attitude of this kid goes sideways, but that’s okay. You know, and I think having that attitude, it, it lets us be more playful. And it lets us be more innovative because we are more playful and we’re more creative and we’re more willing to take chances because we don’t have that weight of this has to be perfect.

Kate Davis: This has to be right. When we were kids, we were always taking chances, falling, getting back up, starting again. So I think it’s. I think to the point, it’s really about not taking ourselves too seriously and bringing that [00:06:00] to every aspect of our lives. And in terms of me saying, it’s an addiction, I love stand up.

Kate Davis: And for me, it was also a social aspect of that, uh, at that point in my life, not so much now. But when I started, comics became my family. You know, they really became my, you know. Comrades, my, my tribe, my people, you know, it was something I could throw ideas off of, and my kids were my material. So I was set.

Kate Davis: But back then, like in the, you know, late nineties, In my country anyway, I think there was about seven women in this country doing comedy at that point. So it was definitely a boys club and definitely something that was sometimes challenging and just the misogyny of even in audiences at that time. But it was definitely something I loved that terrified me, that excited me, that just made me feel a part of something I [00:07:00] think bigger than myself and almost in service.

Judd Shaw: You know, have you seen a difference in Canada to other countries when it comes to sort of this, uh, atmosphere, uh, behind the stage in the comedic world?

Kate Davis: Um, you know what? I, I don’t know because I haven’t done that much comedy elsewhere. Well, I do quite a bit in Europe, but not, I haven’t, I just got my papers.

Kate Davis: So I’m coming to the States. Uh, but it’s definitely been, it’s definitely been, um, I think funny is funny and no matter what, but there are translations. Like I have one joke I do hear that just Like just is my closer, like it’s, it’s my pride and joy. And then I do it in Norway and they’re like, we don’t understand because it just does, and I’m speaking English error and they’re like, but it just doesn’t translate.

Kate Davis: So some [00:08:00] things might not translate, but for the most part, because I’m so observational and I really speak about family and that sort of dynamic, I think it, it reads well everywhere because we all have kids who are jerks.

Judd Shaw: And talking about human connection, though, right? The common thread is the laugh that’s internationally known.

Speaker 3: That is right.

Judd Shaw: It’s it feels and it reacts and it senses it. That language of laugh

Kate Davis: and it’s not something that’s taught. It’s something that babies do in every country,

Judd Shaw: right?

Kate Davis: It’s, it’s our inherent right to be joyful and laugh and find things funny. You know? So it’s, it is, I think it’s one of, you know, they say music is a language of the world or, uh, or math, but I think laughter is pretty high up there as well.

Judd Shaw: Hmm. I’m with you. Plus some terrible math. Uh, you know, uh, Uh, I was [00:09:00] wondering though that at some point after your comedy, uh, stand up comedy career has launched,

Speaker 4: Yeah.

Judd Shaw: you get to a point where, speaking of hilarious, you write, This book second, uh, I mean, I’m sorry you write this book Second best mom.

Kate Davis: Yeah,

Judd Shaw: which the title alone is hilarious stories tips and okay advice Printed in, I think, uh, 2019, uh, and it’s just this collection of your stories of your experiences to as a parent, as a mom, tell me sort of how did, how did that journey take you from now the comedy stage to, to author, to writing this book, which actually was your second book.

Judd Shaw: You had already written a book.

Kate Davis: Yeah, I wrote, well, I helped write and edit a book called the breastfeeding diaries. Um, with a publishing company called metal book press in [00:10:00] Minnesota. So, and they actually found me and asked me to be a part of it. So, but a second best mom, um, it was, it’s so interesting.

Kate Davis: Cause second best mom actually came from my very first speaking engagement. So I was doing, I was hosting conferences as a standup and they were huge conferences here. They were called the power within and they were like, they would bring in like Barbara Walters and Bill Clinton and like massive, huge Serena Williams and like big names.

Kate Davis: And, um, I ended up hosting and as I’m watching like Loretta LaRoche and Jerome Brasensko and Aaron Brockovich and all these incredible people, I’m thinking, Oh my gosh, I actually want to do this and make an impact. Now this was before TED talks

Speaker 3: or

Kate Davis: that I really knew this existed in, you know, this, I had no idea.

Kate Davis: Um, so I started, I was like, I want to do this. And I started giving back in church basements. [00:11:00] So I was like, okay, I’m going to start like figuring this out. There were, there were no books on how to write a keynote or nothing I could find. So I started giving back in church basements to just asking moms, what stressed them out.

Kate Davis: And, you know, moms are like this and this and, you know, everything we’re going through as parents. I shouldn’t say moms because it’s definitely, it’s not gender specific anyway. So, um, I, so I started gigging and then I, uh, this one woman who ran the Canadian comedy awards actually ran this women’s conference.

Kate Davis: And I was like, do you mind if I do this keynote? At your conference, I’ve been working on it. It’s parenting with humor. And so my first keynote was in on a trade room floor, you know, everyone’s selling everything and I’m like stuck in a corner and the announcements comes over. It’s like at 2 PM. Kate Davis will be talking in the Northeast corner of the trade center.

Kate Davis: Like, it was, it was not [00:12:00] glamorous. I was probably 1 of the hardest rooms I’ve ever played. Uh, but they ended up getting a sponsor to pay for me and it was called the mom and caregiver magazine. And after I did my first keynote, which was supposed to be an hour, and I think I did it all in about 23 minutes.

Kate Davis: I was

Judd Shaw: right.

Kate Davis: Right. And then, um, but they, this mom and caregiver magazine ended up sponsoring me and they asked me to write a monthly article about parenting with humor. And so I started writing them and because I was writing every month for this magazine, I wrote 1 article a month for over a decade. And, uh, it was all put into this book.

Kate Davis: So it’s all about raising my kids, how I use humor and doing so, and how sometimes I couldn’t use humor. Uh, but it was, it was just a lot of fun and definitely a labor of love for sure. And honestly, like I, I self published this one. And I just, [00:13:00] I sell it at events. I sell it at comedy shows and it’s just, it’s a nice, you know what?

Kate Davis: I read it now. And I was like, wow, that happened. I don’t even remember, like, it’s a good record for me from my parenting years. Cause my kids are grown now that it’s just, it’s so nice to have that. I was like, oh yeah, I remember when, but so yeah, but one of my, my youngest daughter, who’s super witty. Oh my God.

Kate Davis: She hated me so much when she was a teen, Judd, her caller ID for me just said my dad’s wife. Yeah. You heard me. Uh huh. Uh, but she was so funny. And even as a little kid, I know it’s the worst and the best, uh, but she actually made me a mother’s day sign that said second best mom. And uh, I was just like, well, that’s, that’s the name of the book.

Kate Davis: So that’s how all that played out. Yeah.

Judd Shaw: And I love. That you own that in humor and that probably drove. [00:14:00] A connection itself, that you were able to see it for its, for its funniness.

Kate Davis: Oh my God. I could have been really hurt and insulted because I was like, well, who’s the first best mom? And she, she mentioned her aunt.

Kate Davis: She’s like Aunt Fern. And I’m like, stop it. Yeah. Well, Aunt Fern can pay for your braces. Let’s do that.

Judd Shaw: Where’s my ribbon?

Kate Davis: Yeah. Where’s my, my, where’s my participation ribbon in this? Yeah.

Judd Shaw: So, you know, what I, what I’m really interested in hearing from you, because you did point out, and I agree with you, that it’s not really gender specific.

Judd Shaw: It’s parents and caregivers. However, there is a part that is gender specific, and that is that the female carries the baby and the male does not. And the distinction of that is that for a long period of time before this child is even born, there’s a large [00:15:00] part of the mother that his has to give up a sense of maybe connection because now the focus becomes the baby.

Judd Shaw: The baby scans, the baby’s tests, the baby, you know, the baby’s development, this whole embryo of developing into a baby and the amount of concentration and energy and time and focus Is on that baby and maybe also different for some men, but from my perspective, when I’m at the office, it’s a little easier to forget than maybe the mom who’s actually still carrying the child.

Judd Shaw: It’s always with for that period of time, right? And so I wonder, and I think this is a really Interesting dialogue of what happens when you have, uh, a lot of your comedy is based on your parenting, on being a mom, uh, being a mom actually led to your comedic career. Uh, your books are [00:16:00] written on parenting and about being a mom and so, so much of your identity and so many other moms.

Judd Shaw: A large part of their role, their identity, their person is mom. And so I wonder when we talk about human connection, how do you make sure that mom gets connection with herself? So

Kate Davis: she can

Judd Shaw: help others.

Kate Davis: Yeah, no, we As new parents, I mean, for men, it’s definitely that overwhelming sense of responsibility of having to provide, of being protective.

Kate Davis: Um, I think the roles of parenting have changed a lot since I was a kid, definitely. But in terms of carrying a child and all that, yeah, we, you know, we get home, we’re leaking, our hair’s falling out, no one tells us about that. We’re trying to heal. Everyone who was helping, and thank God for them, has been able to Have to get back to their own lives and including our, you know, spouses or partners.

Kate Davis: [00:17:00] And then you are left with a newborn and survival of the fittest comes to mind. Right. And, and you were left with a body you don’t even recognize. And the only thing you wish you just wish you could be the weight you were when you first thought you were fat, you know, like there was a book called what to expect when you’re expecting.

Kate Davis: Oh yeah. I read it. Right. Second,

Judd Shaw: there’s, there’s more than one. Uh, version. Yeah. Yeah.

Kate Davis: Yeah. Well, let me tell you, it’s 351 pages. Uh, there’s nine pages on being a dad in that 351 page book. Nine, nine. You know what? It comes with coloring sticks. That’s what it comes with. Like it’s definitely, and I loved being pregnant.

Kate Davis: I have friends who really hated it and found it very trying and were really sick. I, I was, I actually really enjoyed it. I have to say, and I never thought about. I want my body back. Well, maybe at the end a little bit, but like, honestly, it’s, uh, yeah, I never, uh, in terms [00:18:00] of taking care of yourself for me, stand up was doing that.

Kate Davis: It was the 1 thing I could do 5 minutes at a time that fueled everything else I was doing. Trying to balance in my life, whether it be parenting or my relationship or taking care of my children. And I feel like me doing stand up was me teaching them to follow their dreams. Just like I am. I was I was never going to play the martyr.

Kate Davis: Um, but also at the same time, um, You know, my first two kids were only 15 months apart. And at that moment in my life, that’s where I was. I was taking care of these, you know, incredible, awesome little creatures who you’re madly in love with. And whether that’s hormones or, you know, uh, chemicals being released, thank God for them.

Kate Davis: So you don’t eat your newborn. Um, you’re like, um, but I actually really enjoyed it. And I never thought I always. I always thought of it as expansive. I never thought about it as, Oh, this [00:19:00] is going to limit me. I’m not going to be able to do this, this, and this, and this. For me, it was one of the most creative things I’ve ever done in my life, making a child.

Kate Davis: Um, whether I had a lot to do with it or not, I don’t know. Um, uh, but I really, I just think, you know, once we accept where we are, we can be more present to the life we’re in. And that’s when things change and that’s when things open up. And it’s really appreciating where you’re at in all those moments.

Kate Davis: I’m an empty nester now. Um, my kids are all in their twenties and it’s definitely, and then two came back with more people. They don’t leave judge we’re screwed. Um, but other than that, we’re, it’s definitely, Um, and I love being an empty nester so much. Oh, my place was so clean. I can’t believe it. But

Judd Shaw: see, I have had, I’ve met parents though who they lose their sense of identification.

Judd Shaw: They lose their sense of identity. You know, that may be your experience, which is wonderful [00:20:00] that it has added so much to your life. Yeah. But I’ve also met a lot of moms and a lot of dads, a lot of parents,

Speaker 3: but all there

Judd Shaw: who They put all their identification, their role is mom or dad. And so just like husband or wife or girlfriend, you know, you can put everything in and you get disconnected, a sense of feeling of losing that connection with yourself.

Judd Shaw: And that’s where I think. Is a really hard for a lot of people, particularly maybe when the emptiness comes and now you go.

Kate Davis: Yeah. What do I do now? Now what? Absolutely. Or what now? Um, yeah, no, absolutely. And I see that. And I mean, it hasn’t been my story that I’ve written, but at the same time, um, I, yeah, absolutely.

Kate Davis: Look, parenting, as we both know, is a lessening and letting go. You, you, you know, you make this child, you give birth, you let go, you’re nursing, you let go, they go to school, you let go. You know, they move out, you let go. It’s one big lesson. And knowing that [00:21:00] you’ve taught them right, trusting in that and letting go, but you’re absolutely right with yourself intact in that it’s way easier.

Kate Davis: And I think that’s, I think it’s also, you know, as, as a woman really juggling, you know, my career, my, Uh, my career, my art, my kids, my relationship, you know, we’re jugglers and it’s really, um, where, where are we putting, how are we finding the balance in that? But for me, it’s definitely been a lot of laughter, a lot of, you know, just being goofy and just having fun with it.

Kate Davis: I’ve never given any of it. so much weight, you know, look, crap’s going to happen. It’s all stuff is common. Crap is always going to happen in our lives. That’s the part of being human, but it’s what we bring to it and how we adapt and cope with what’s happening. That counts, right?

Judd Shaw: Yeah. So true. I love it. I love that.

Judd Shaw: I love that. And, you know, so I was wondering, [00:22:00] um, you know, also with so much stock. In, in, in parenting, in a sense, it sounds like comedy is your, is your oxygen, right? It’s like if I’m finding yoga or somebody else goes for exercise, somebody else is doing something like, in other words, the connecting part to you was actually, you know, you’re Your work.

Judd Shaw: It felt like your, your time, your moment. And I was wondering if in your, in your life, do you find that there’s a balance between connection with self and connection with others or Is one of those connections, uh, more, uh, apparent in your life. So maybe you do so much work for service for others, right?

Judd Shaw: Your keynote speaking and your, and your coaching and the books that you’re putting out and your comedy, you know, it’s a lot of stuff for others. And I wonder, is that also where you find connection with yourself or is there somewhere else in [00:23:00] some way that you balance that to make sure that why others always get your beauty and your art and your creativity and your You’re getting that yourself.

Kate Davis: Wow. Okay. Judd. I thought it was going to be a light conversation.

Speaker 3: I just start crying. I know I got to do it.

Speaker 3: Fine. Uh, you

Judd Shaw: want to, you want to lay down?

Speaker 3: I start couch. I can let,

Kate Davis: um, allow. Okay. Well, okay. For me, first of all, you always have to connect with yourself. And if you don’t do that, you can’t really connect with others. You know, there might be a superficial connecting, but are we really, you know, putting that forth?

Kate Davis: Second of all, connecting with ourselves or others is listening to ourselves. When I say that, like, am I listening to myself? Do I need more sleep? Do I need, you know, to go for a walk? Do I need to go eat chicken wings and drink some beer? [00:24:00] You know, vodka sodas. Like, where am I at? Am I really listening to myself?

Kate Davis: Am I really respecting the space I want to be in? And I think once you do that and really connect with yourself, then you can connect with others, you know, but, but humor is definitely, um, a way of connecting. I’m never, you know, like I’m my worst enemy to myself. Like the, like I could, I could. Can I say shit on this?

Kate Davis: Can I shit talk myself? Like I can shit talk myself all day long, 20, 30 times a day. And if one person did it to me, I’d be so hurt, you know? So it’s learning. I want

Judd Shaw: to say shit too on my podcast. I’ve never said the word

Speaker 3: shit, it

Judd Shaw: sounds so.

Speaker 3: Well, you know what I mean? Like we should talk

Kate Davis: ourselves and we’re so negative.

Judd Shaw: It’s so

Kate Davis: true.

Judd Shaw: We’re our worst enemy, right? We are. But I agree with you. I like the pattern and I, I, that flow connect with yourself, then you can connect with others and then you can expand those connections, right? You, you can’t, you [00:25:00] can’t show up on stage and give to others. You can’t do the keynote. You can’t do the, if you’re not.

Judd Shaw: Taking care of yourself. I love that.

Kate Davis: And I got to say, I come from many generations of shitty listeners. I’ll say that again. Like my family does not listen. Like you could be talking to them, looking him in the eye and I know it’s just like in one ear out the other. So I’ve worked really hard on listening and listening.

Kate Davis: I think is one of the keys to connection and to really connecting with others. I mean, you know, we’ve all been at those parties where everyone’s sort of, you know, I’m talking to you, but I’m shoulder surfing, like where’s the next best person or more important person than you are. I want to talk to, you know, while I’m actually supposed to be talking to you.

Kate Davis: So I think, um, listening is really important. Another really tool that I’ve had to spend a lot of time on and really learn to pay attention, listen to others. Cause that creates empathy as well. [00:26:00] Where is that person? You know, I’m walking in their shoes, I’m, I’m listening to them. So I think that’s really important as well.

Judd Shaw: Have you had the pleasure of meeting Brian Miller? You know, Brian Miller, he’s, he’s in the impact community and he does, he’s in, he, he talks about the magic of human connections. Really great guy. And he has this thing called. Perspective taking. And it reminds me what you’re saying, which is, you know, the first thing is when you’re asking for someone’s emotional sense is don’t be, don’t be a mind reader.

Judd Shaw: Ask what the second part to it is. He says, ask to understand. Not asked to listen.

Kate Davis: Yes. I love that.

Judd Shaw: Right?

Kate Davis: I have to say I, so my 20 year old daughters are back anyway. Um, they’re back. They came back with fake plants, Judd. What? Aren’t they the generation of authenticity? Aren’t they the reason I had to give up my Spanx?

Kate Davis: Like how? Anyway, doesn’t matter. But the one thing. The one thing they [00:27:00] are teaching me are boundaries they are so Jen setters are so good at boundaries. I’m like, wow, I never would have said that to anyone They’re like, you know, I need time. I’m feeling this I not right, you know, I’ll ask them to do something They’re like I’ll get to it.

Kate Davis: But right now, you know, I’ll go I’ll storm in their room and they’re like boundaries and I’m like And then I leave and I knock and then I would storm in doesn’t matter I’m, I’m working on myself. It’s all a progress, you know, um, but yeah, so it’s, it is, yeah, it’s, it’s people think so differently nowadays and, and they’re also, you know, Way more sensitive than we were allowed to be.

Kate Davis: I think, I mean, yeah,

Judd Shaw: totally, totally, totally. And, you know, I used to say at first I realized it was just a different form of communication. Like I have team members, uh, at my law firm. We have a range of team members and yeah, in both age and [00:28:00] diversity. And I found that, you know, the longer, younger generation, it is a different level of communication.

Judd Shaw: But I used to, I used to listen to a lot of people that, oh, you know, they’re lazy or they’re, where they’re always running off or they want to balance their life or they want to find it. And then it like woke up and I was like, wait, maybe they are the, The, the first generation to get it, I used to think like, right, I can work 24 hours.

Judd Shaw: I can work from anywhere. Who cares the world? It’s not that interesting, you know? And meanwhile, that short sightedness, those, those blinders, uh, you know, also led me ultimately to my dark night of the soul because that’s all I did. And I didn’t give myself the balance. And I think that they’re Uh, grasping of mental health and the importance of mental wellness is brilliant and I love that generation for doing it.

Kate Davis: Has it, can I ask you a question?

Judd Shaw: Yeah. Has

Kate Davis: it changed the way you lead your, [00:29:00] uh, practice now? Like your law firm, have they changed the way you look at it?

Judd Shaw: It has. Yeah. And what really started the shift in that leadership was that servant leadership. The idea behind it is that I’m really here a great leader to be a mentor, to be, you know, a thought provoker, to help you grow professionally, personally, you know, and find meaning and purpose in your work.

Judd Shaw: And so what, what led that is what I realized that. When I can communicate, which means understanding how they feeling like it’s 5 31 and I go, Oh, Johnny, can you just send this in? Yeah, tomorrow. Put it on my desk. I’m like, what? But then you know what? I’m like, Johnny’s got it right.

Speaker 4: Yes.

Judd Shaw: Why should I tell this person after five?

Judd Shaw: Well, because we, I came from that a different, like I stayed till seven and also I led to a [00:30:00] point where I’m crawled up in a fetal position in the corner of my garage at 47 years old, broken. So

Kate Davis: Yeah, Johnny’s going to be surfing at 47.

Judd Shaw: I hope I’m with him.

Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.

Judd Shaw: So I have this framework, the connection cure and cure stands for C U R E.

Judd Shaw: It’s an acronym, conscious awareness, understanding, renewing, and then expanding. And it all deals with human connection. The first thing it starts to talk about is that conscious awareness, understanding how we’re showing up in the world. Right. And is it. Genuine. Is it true? Are we masking up for the wrong reason, shame, guilt, wanting to fit in, understanding the importance of that, and then renewing those connections.

Judd Shaw: And I, I thought that, you know, I wanted to know in comedy,

Kate Davis: yes.

Judd Shaw: How do you find that you expand your connections? [00:31:00] Through humor

Kate Davis: with other people.

Judd Shaw: Yes.

Kate Davis: Okay. Um, well in terms of, uh, expanding that connection with other comics, we have a common ground, but in terms of expanding it with the general public who are watching my show and being a part of it, like, I am naturally funny.

Kate Davis: I’m always making jokes at home. I have a 80 year old mother. I’m, you know, taking care of, and it’s, you know, she’s outlived three men at this point.

Judd Shaw: And you have to write a book about that. Oh

Kate Davis: my God. We’re trying to find her a fourth. Anyone listening to this podcast is on plenty of fish.

Judd Shaw: Let’s do it. What kind of, wait, let’s see.

Judd Shaw: What’s what’s what activities does she like walks on the beach, romantic movies. Let’s, let’s, let’s find her a man. You know what she likes?

Kate Davis: She’s, She’s done. She’s done with all that crap. All she wants. She just wants someone to hang out with eat [00:32:00] some good food. That’s not probably good for you, but who cares?

Kate Davis: You’re going to die soon. Right? And, uh, you know, just a good cuddle. Good cuddle partner, maybe going to good

Judd Shaw: toddlers, fast food, cuisine. She’s pretty, she’s a feisty one looking for you. Oh my

Kate Davis: God. She’s so young looking. Anyway, everyone, every time we go out, people are like, are you guys sisters? And I’m like, do I look 80?

Kate Davis: Stop it. What is happening? It doesn’t matter. I took her for her 80th birthday. I took her to Ed Sheeran. Oh my God. And then we went and saw LL Cool J. It’s too much. I know. Um, but anyway, back to the connection question. Um, I do find, um, humor definitely is a great way to connect with people, but life isn’t always funny and, and stuff happens.

Kate Davis: And for me, it’s just being really authentic. And I’m always like, this is it. Like you’re getting, there’s no, [00:33:00] Oh my God, I’m on a podcast. Like, this is it. This is who I am. There’s no, uh, different voice associated with, I could literally be anywhere right now. This is what you would get. And I find authenticity.

Kate Davis: Um, and I’m not saying I’m not shy at moments, you know, or, or anything like that, but it definitely, for me, a connection is, it’s got to be an authentic one. And if it’s not, they’re not pushing it. Who cares? Maybe that person doesn’t like you. Maybe they’re, you know. You know, um, I, I think it was Tyler Perry who said some people are in your lives for a season and some people are in for the entire show, you know, all seasons.

Kate Davis: So, you know, and I, I’ve had very intense, uh, relationships with people in my life. And then all of a sudden those just end. And I was like, Oh, you know, maybe this isn’t good for me, or maybe it’s not in my best interest to be a part of this right now. And then. Connecting with yourself and [00:34:00] knowing, you know, when to say no and when, you know, it doesn’t feel right as well.

Kate Davis: I think it’s just as valuable in keeping healthy, happy and whole.

Judd Shaw: So, you know, I hear that on the comedic to comedic side. It’s a sense of belonging, which drives the connection, right? It’s as you say, your tribe, which I describe as a group of people who understand and share values and, uh, traditions and techniques and ways and things of that nature, and they can look differently throughout, you know, your space that you live, work, love, and play.

Judd Shaw: And then I hear it with the audience is that it deepens. Uh, you know, the connection because you are being authentic and therefore they can connect with you and that authenticity for you means it’s the way you show up in the [00:35:00] world is consistently the same.

Kate Davis: Yes.

Judd Shaw: Is that how you look at authenticity? Like what, what would you say it, you know, if somebody shows up at a job, they may have to take out their nose ring.

Judd Shaw: Right. Yeah. But going home, they put it back in because now, you know, they, the job didn’t allow piercings. Okay. I get it. But it doesn’t mean that they’re being inauthentic. It’s, they’re still showing up. They just can’t wear it. And so what I was thinking as I was trying to drive this down, I’d love your thought on this.

Judd Shaw: I was trying to drive this down and I was thinking, was it that if someone has a sense of core values and those values become like a compass, that they are always. Using those core values in all aspects of their life. So a guy who, um, I had a friend of mine, uh, really creative genius. He had shared with me once that said that if you are like, you’re putting out on social media that you’re like this [00:36:00] nice guru, spiritual central thing, and you show up at, at, at You know, a party and you’re a real jerk.

Judd Shaw: Like you are not that guy at all. Right. Now you’re being inauthentic. So what does it look like for you?

Speaker 3: Well, I’ve,

Kate Davis: I’ve met a lot of people in a lot of industries like that, I gotta say. You’re just like, what? You don’t, you don’t walk your walk. You’re not talking your talk. Like, come on. Yeah. Like, wow. Um, yes, uh, definitely in all industries I’ve met that, but it doesn’t mean I want to be that.

Kate Davis: And look, we all have to be different. Like I’m going to act differently when I walk into a corporate. When I’m doing my keynotes and I’m in a blazer and I’m, you know, I’m, I’m, I’m playing the part of, I belong here.

Speaker 3: Right.

Kate Davis: But to me, walking into a comedy club in my ripped jeans and a t shirt and a baseball cap, like, I’m definitely, there’s 2 different personas there, but at the same [00:37:00] time, I’m Uh, I think my genuine voice is still the same,

Judd Shaw: right?

Judd Shaw: You’re not wearing a mask in either situation.

Kate Davis: No, you know, and then some, you know, some places I’m nervous. Like when we did, you know, um, I don’t know how much your people know about you, Judd, uh, but we did, uh, we’re in a, Sort of school together, a community group about learning how to be better at what we do, which is keynote speaking.

Kate Davis: And when we were in that bootcamp situation where there was about 150 people, I was like shyer than I usually, I didn’t feel like I could be myself there. I felt like I was holding back who I was. I was just like, I don’t know what to make of all these amazing, incredible people and where I sort of fit into that.

Kate Davis: But at the same time, the people I did meet, the people I did connect with were, I. feel very authentic connections. So I think that’s a difference. Like really taking, you know, those snippets, those, those small moments, they don’t have to [00:38:00] be big moments. They can be little moments.

Judd Shaw: Yeah. You know, I’ve had the great honor and privilege of being in those, you know, the community with you and those groups.

Judd Shaw: And I, I share that, that feeling. It resonates with me. You’re

Speaker 3: like,

Judd Shaw: Yeah, because we’re human, right? We’re wired to connect. We put our name, our name tag on and say, hi, I want to be heard and I want to be seen and I want to feel valued. And I come in the room and then you go, Oh my God, there’s like so many titans of our industry in there and really, really good.

Kate Davis: Or just really like extraordinary athletes and you know, extraordinary

Judd Shaw: people. Yes.

Kate Davis: Like extraordinary people. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.

Judd Shaw: And sometimes we walk in, at least for me, and I love that. And I have to catch that. I have to catch that imposter syndrome effect that comes in and goes, wow, these are like extraordinary people.

Judd Shaw: I’m not extraordinary.

Kate Davis: But how many people have you helped in your practice over the years? In all

Judd Shaw: aspects, I [00:39:00] have to catch myself and say, no, you deserve to be in this room too.

Kate Davis: Yes. Or you wouldn’t be in there. That’s what I believe. You wouldn’t be in, you wouldn’t be able to do that if you weren’t.

Kate Davis: Supposed to be a part of it. Now, you know, like so many times there’s a great quote and it goes like this. I want to thank those for denying me what I mistakenly thought I wanted, right? I want to thank those for denying me what I mistakenly thought I would, because so many times, you know, as a comic, you know, people, other people are getting stuff and you’re like, why don’t they like me, you know, or what’s the matter with me?

Kate Davis: Or, or why, why, why aren’t they seeing my light the way. You know, they’re seeing that person’s and we always, you can’t compare. We’re all exactly where we’re meant to be and all we can do is put in the work and be ready for our chance when it comes. Right. Like I still don’t feel like I’ve written my net, my best joke yet in my life.[00:40:00]

Judd Shaw: What do you, what do you, what do you. Uh, writing about now, like, what is your monologue? Do you want to hear my

Kate Davis: newest joke?

Judd Shaw: Oh, wow. What I love. Are you kidding me? Okay.

Kate Davis: It’s silly joke guys. Don’t don’t, you’re not going to be impressed. Uh, but, uh, my new joke I’m working or I’m working on, I wrote this week.

Kate Davis: I’m always trying to write and I still hit open mics, but, uh, the new joke, a new bit, cause I’m talking about, cause my husband and I, we’ve been together over 34 years. It’s a long time, right? Lifetime. It’s a long time. Oh my God. I couldn’t stay with

Judd Shaw: myself for 34 years.

Kate Davis: Right? I can’t even believe it.

Kate Davis: Anyway, but now we used to run to bed, you know, we used to run to bed to make love. Now we run into bed to see who falls asleep first. So we don’t have to hear the other person snoring.

Speaker 3: I’m like, that’s as, that’s as hot as it’s getting now, he’s going to fall asleep first before the other one starts snoring and we’re leaving.

Speaker 3: It’s hot, man. It’s hot. Yeah.

Judd Shaw: It went from making babies to, yeah, [00:41:00] making even more asleep,

Speaker 3: making, you know, without that. Stop it. Yeah. Right. Hot.

Judd Shaw: I love that. I love that. So do you find you now talking more about your other relationships moving away from your kids? Is there outer nest or? Um, I still have

Kate Davis: quite a few jokes about my children.

Kate Davis: Um, but, uh, especially now that they’ve moved back, but also, yeah, I know. Oh my gosh. So many. Uh, but also, yeah, for me, it’s just whatever, whatever, you know, like I talk about, uh, putting on Google maps. Just, if I’m alone in the car, I’ll put on Google Maps just so I can argue with it. , you know, tell me to turn left.

Kate Davis: I’m like, I know a better way. . We’re gonna go rerouting. Rerouting anyway. Doesn’t, I’m a, you know, OCD, doesn’t matter.

Judd Shaw: conflict with ai. .

Kate Davis: Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. .

Judd Shaw: Conflict resolution.

Kate Davis: Oh my gosh. And oh, if you Google me, it [00:42:00] says I’m 72 on Google. I’ve been trying to get that removed forever.

Judd Shaw: No, you don’t change that you forever.

Judd Shaw: You know what? That’s going to look like in 30, 40 years.

Speaker 3: Like how is she still alive?

Judd Shaw: She’s 72.

Kate Davis: Oh my God. No, it keeps getting older. Oh my gosh. It does. Oh, I didn’t

Judd Shaw: know that. I thought it changed. Yeah. That’s your. You know, I wanted to, uh, wrap up the show by thanking you so much and asking you, how do you authentically connect with yourself? How do you find that for yourself? What does that look like for Kate Davis?

Kate Davis: For me, it’s, it’s definitely, I’m very routine. First of all, I know that about myself. I love routine. I wake up, I light an incense. I, you know, get myself ready for my day. I know I’m spacey. [00:43:00] So I always have to check my calendar cause I miss everything. I’m like, Oh, I have a conference call anyway, but I didn’t miss this.

Kate Davis: Um, but no, how do I connect with myself? Like really for me, it’s. For me, it’s just knowing where I’m at. I’ll have, I, I have some days where I’m really creative and some days where I’m not at all. I find it has to incubate in me what’s going on. And then I’m like, Oh my God, I’m not disciplined enough. And I’m like, no, this is the way it works.

Kate Davis: Um, so I think it’s respecting. Yourself in, in the sense of, you know, what really works for you and how are you? And also being open enough to try new things, you know, try new ways of working, try new ways of thinking about it. Like I’m such a creative. I’ve never thought about my business as a business.

Kate Davis: I’m like, what this is. I need a flow chart. I need a dashboard. Like I’ve just, you know, like I just. Yeah. So like, I just think so differently [00:44:00] to the way a CEO of a company probably does where I’m like, you know, just give me some cupcakes. I’m happy, but it’s definitely, yes.

Judd Shaw: It’s like a mindfulness. You have a real great mindfulness approach about it.

Kate Davis: Yeah, I do. And you know what? It’s so funny because in my, in my keynote, I, I do speak about mindfulness and it’s And, and just one line, it’s impossible to laugh and not be in the moment. You can’t do it.

Judd Shaw: That is so good. Can you say that again?

Kate Davis: One of the most easiest and most authentic ways to be mindful is to laugh because it’s impossible to laugh for real and not be in the moment, which is why comedy I think is so magical because it really does bring an entire group into a moment.

Kate Davis: And a shared moment allows us to bond

Judd Shaw: that was so well said, what a great way to end. You are [00:45:00] absolutely magical, super funny, super great conversation. I am so thankful that you found the time for me and came on and I cannot wait to hopefully uh, connect with you in the near future. Me too. At one of the events.

Judd Shaw: And Kate, thank you so much again for coming on the show. Thanks for having

Kate Davis: me. I’m excited. I’m excited for you and this podcast. And thank you for having me on.

Judd Shaw: Thank you. I want to extend my deepest gratitude to you. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please follow us on your favorite platform or share this episode with a friend.

Judd Shaw: You can also follow me on Instagram at Judd Shaw Official. A special thank you to personal injury law firm, Judd Shaw Injury Law, for their support

Judd Shaw: It’s about being real. It’s about embracing our vulnerabilities, celebrating our strengths, and owning our stories. [00:46:00] Until next time.