How To Be Your Authentic Self | Sebastian Terry

Sebastian Terry [00:00:00] Anyway, I emailed them and said, Would you mind shooting me? And the owner and the gal got back to me and said, No worries. So I flew to Bogota, Colombia, and he put a jacket on me, took me into his factory, a bulletproof jacket, and then a point blank shot me.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:00:13] Welcome to Behind the Armor, where we deep dive into the heart of what matters. I’m your host, Judge Shawn, adventure storyteller, agent of change and speaker on authenticity and human connection. Join me as we explore the complexities of human connection featuring theorists, scientists, and speakers. Our mission is simple to inspire you to reclaim your true self and create genuine connections with others. Join me as we lay down our armor and live authentically. So welcome to the show, my man.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:00:49] Thanks for having me.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:00:50] You know, I wanted to ask you directly, what of your hundred things? And we’re going to get into what that list is all about. What is one thing that’s still like the next one that you want to do?  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:01:08] It’s a really good question. I’ve been doing this for 16 years. Yeah. So I think over time, the goals sort of change a little bit.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:01:14] Yeah.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:01:15] So what I’ve been doing recently is going through and just assessing which ones still really resonate with me and which don’t. So I’m going through that process. But as I do it, the one that I’m there’s two. One is I’m trying to learn French and it’s been ongoing for years. And so that just fascinates me when I start thinking in French and reading texts that that really excites me. It’s not the most exciting thing in the world. And hopefully you hanging on this answer is the thing for the podcast. But learning French, I’m trying to learn a classical piano piece. I’ve been learning for about three and a half years. I don’t know any of the notes on a piano, but I’m learning from a YouTube video and I’m just memorizing finger positions. And the song is Clair de Lune, which I don’t know if, you know, it’s like a beautiful it’s just a beautiful piece. And I’m like 2.5 minutes in after three and a half years of memorizing. So there’s stuff like that. At the same time, one I’m contemplating at the moment is doing an Olympic ski jump. I’ve always wanted to do like, you know, when you go down like Eddie the Eagle Lake.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:02:18] Placid, you have to ramp.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:02:20] So when I came up with the list six years ago, that was important to me because at that time I was like seeking adrenaline fuelled activities and now I’m quite a different person. And so I’m that’s one, for example, that I’m just redressing. Yeah, but I’m writing a script at the moment that’s, you know, that’s one that I’m really excited by. I’m trying to connect more with my family. I live overseas, I live here in the US and my family’s in Australia. So, you know, trying to create a tradition with my sister and seeing her annually and. Yeah.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:02:54] Have you seen that ski jump in person?  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:02:56] Yeah, I did a talk in Norway and I went to, I think it’s Lillehammer and I stood at the top and actually I was like, I could do this because probably the problem is I should, but I, I should also qualify. It’s not really about the landing. It’s just it’s the ski jump. So as soon as I leave, it’s not, it’s a check. How I land is unimportant. So I don’t think about that.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:03:19] At least not to your list. Yeah.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:03:21] Exactly.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:03:23] Let’s talk about what that’s all about. Right? Let’s take the step back to talk about where the 100 things came from to give context to the audience and. You grown up in Australia? And Chris is in your life? Yeah. Tell me about Chris for a moment. Let me understand. What’s his personality? What’s he like? If I were to meet him today, what would he be like?  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:03:52] Well, I was born in Australia and moved to England for ten years, came back to Australia at 14 years old and, you know, one. So I went straight in as a 14 year old to Grade nine high school. And sort of in that time I played rugby. I started rowing surf boats, which is a thing in Australia. And then, you know, meeting people and just socializing. And Chris was one of the most loved guys. Everyone, you know, he was like everyone’s best mate, basically loved his friends, loved his family, loved doing things with his mates, loved the ocean, like being a big kid, just had a very natural draw and appeal to him. And so I you know, I really looked up to Chris, you know, in that way. So we went to high school together, and then after high school, I went to university. Chris stayed local on the northern beaches. Avalon Beach. Have you ever been?  

 

Judd Shaw [00:04:49] No.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:04:50] So good. He stayed there and then we sort of fell out of contact, as people do. And it was, you know, years later when I found out that he had died. So, you know, in the years leading up to that, we hadn’t really, you know, stayed in touch too much. But, you know, my memory of Chris is from a high school playing sport, being silly, having too many beers, experiencing life with his kids. You know.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:05:16] His passing, though, was that catalyst for you, writing down a hundred things that you wanted to do to bring about a feeling? Yeah. And. I understood that Chris’s tragic death. Had shaken that that. Had he known? That he would pass after 24 years. Would he do it differently? And And you think today? No. How is he living his life? That that would be the answer.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:05:51] He was just really present. You know, he just he just enjoyed he knew what he enjoyed and did those things. He didn’t try and overcomplicate it. He which I think is something that we can all learn from. I think so many of us and certainly myself back then, you kind of future project where you need to be, what you need to be doing, what you need to have, and it takes you away from the moment. And Chris was in the moment. He was just such a great energy to be around because you, you know, you felt like that was you were part of his world, you know. And. When he passed, I contemplated. I think death does that. It makes you reflect on, you know, the deceased and then yourself. And I saw and realized, he was really present. A life far too short, but really well lived from my perspective. And I thought about myself and I just didn’t even know who I was.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:06:46] When you were writing the list, I like how you said that you don’t love the term bucket list. In fact, I read a book by Arthur Brooks called Strength to Strength. And he said that we should all create the UN bucket list. As he described happiness as I’m sure your have’s divided by your wants, equal satisfaction, your haves. Okay, divided by your wants the more you want. The less satisfied you feel. Interesting, right? Yeah. And so if you take your haves. And you have a whole bunch of bucket list ideas that you want. You you move away from the presence of the have and you’re in the the world of the want in, you’re actually less satisfied. And so when you’re writing this list of 100 things, was it? Was it things that. You wanted to do that inspired you? Or was your feeling was your emotion? What was it that you were actually chasing that that rattled you?  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:07:56] Happiness. I just wanted to feel happy. I remember the night I had Chris passed. I was in Canada. I sat on the floor with a piece of paper and a pen. And I just started just writing. I didn’t know what I was writing. And after however long it was. I concluded that for me, the best I feel is when I’m happy. And I believe everyone is the same. Right? We all have a desire to feel good. How we get there is different. And so I started to consider for the first time, well, how do I get there? So being a simple person, I thought, well, what’s the. How do I know when I’m happy? And it’s when I’m smiling or laughing or doing something that matters to me. And so in that moment, I gave myself permission to just consider the things that I hoped would bring a smile to my face. And that was it. I just wanted to pursue happiness. And so that was the beginning of the list. So there were so many different and odd things silly, meaningful, short term, long term, selfish, selfless things. And that that’s where it came from. I think we’re all bound by the idea that we want to feel good. And if we’re able to identify how we can do that, which is different for everyone, that’s a really important first step. And then of course, I found out down the track that in addition to doing things for myself, it’s vital, in my opinion, to do things with and for other people as well. So happiness isn’t necessarily defined by your wants in the end. I think it really boils down to, yes, feeling you’re doing stuff on purpose, but doing it in a community of like minded people where you’re actually contributing to something bigger than yourself. And so 16 years down the track, I’m still learning all of this, but I feel really happy and fulfilled and content. And I wouldn’t change anything, you know, driving here today. It’s nothing else I’d rather be doing than just sat with you talking about this. You’re on your journey, too. So we get to come together in this moment and just appreciate the fact that we’re both trying our best. And that’s inspiring to me, right?  

 

Judd Shaw [00:10:06] You know, from delivering a baby, marrying a stranger in Vegas, living on a deserted island, I mean, some wild stuff. But it wasn’t until number 26. That. Really? Changed. Tell me about that. That differs from all of the other silly or fun or adrenaline filled, you know, list items that you checked off.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:10:33] Well, number 26 is help a stranger is how it reads. And I just hadn’t really helped anyone before. People would say, you know, we have friends who do a marathon or a ten k round and they ask for a donation to a charity. I would just go delete. I just never helped anyone. I was pretty selfish. And so on. My list of things that I wanted to try for the first time, I was like, I’ll help somebody. It so happened that it was a gentleman called Mark Lewis. Take me to an interview on TV. And he was able bodied until his early 20s, where he was then bitten by a tick contracted Lyme disease, became a quadriplegic without the ability to move or speak. Pretty tragic. And he asked me to shave his head. He said that he’d created a bucket list because he had heard of my story and he wanted me to shave his head. So I shaved his head and I got an immense sense of satisfaction just from that gist of, in a small way, being of service to someone. And then I said, What else can I do? And as you know, he said, Well, his carer told me that he had always wanted to do a half marathon and so I asked how I could help him and he said, push me. The first words I understood from Mark. And so I pushed him in his wheelchair for a half marathon and it was just the greatest thing I’ve ever done. And I talk about it from stage all the time because it’s true. It’s it was it was not an act of charity. It wasn’t helping somebody. It was two people who had very different lives, but they both identified a goal each and because they shared it, we found that there was an opportunity to collaborate. So it was like this you want to interview a podcast, guests? And I think, that’d be interesting. We’re collaborating. So Mark and I got to collaborate that day and connect on a level which was profound for me being of service to someone and then seeing also that I wasn’t the only one pushing Mark. By the end of the race, there were 20 people, strangers pushing Mark across the finish line. It just really highlighted to me that we’re all in this together. We are strong as individuals, but we are better together. We have an innate ability and desire to support, to collaborate, to help others. And I’m realising that we live in a society where we’re not quite sure how to all the time because in the first place we’re not vulnerable enough to say, Hey, I need help with this, or this is really important to me, who can help me? And so that’s the conversation that I really enjoy engaging with now, encouraging people to think about what’s important to them and then trying to find others to connect with them. So there’s this sense of collective evolution. I really believe that we each have like an individual spark, and the key to something better is being able to change that into a collective sense of. Contribution.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:13:20] Yeah, it’s so interesting because I had heard that really deeply under Happiness Lies, Joy and under Joy, Lies, satisfaction. Right. That if we’re really, truly satisfied, we’re we’re mindful content, gratitude, all these things. But it’s where do you turn? There’s a lot of resources out there. There’s a lot of we want to find that passion, that purpose, the happiness, the joy. And a lot of times we can go about it and almost push away the very thing we’re craving. You recently attended the Hoffman Institute? Yeah. Let’s talk about that for a minute. Yeah.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:13:58] The Hoffman process.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:13:59] The Hoffman process. Tell me about that experience.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:14:04] It was life changing for me. I’m 43. I did it at 42 years old. It’s a process that was recommended to me by Ben Hampton, good friend of ours and other speaker. I knew a few other people who had done it as well. I saw Ben come out of it and it was like he was a different person and he with good friends. And so he said, I think you should do this. And I was curious as to doing something on this personal development, you know, journey we’re all on. And so it’s it’s essentially a seven day retreat. No phone to process, which is about 50 years in the making. It’s been iterated, of course, along the way. And it allows you the opportunity to identify the negative patterns that we’ve onboarded from the way that our parents brought us up. And once we you identify what those patterns are, the process allows you to disconnect from those negative patterns. So you have full agency over how you want to be now without the negative kind of bias, if you will. And that’s incredibly freeing. And, you know, a lot of us have shame in negative self-talk. The process allowed me to realize that I had this core belief that I was worthless and and also not to sounds and jump to it, you know, something that’s too profound. But I also didn’t love myself. And the process allows you to address that. And so in seven days I came out and I was bouncing. I was just bouncing. And it’s it’s affected impacted in an incredibly positive way in my life since every aspect of my life. It’s allowed me to find love, which is something I was looking for. It’s allowed me to just feel like I’m being myself because I think you’re right. I think you can with the what’s you know, though, as you mentioned before, if we if we isolate the once, if we want too much, you know, there’s a tendency to get away from what’s really important. And we over systemize things because we’re told as everything’s formulaic and if we follow the formula, we’ll reach a sense of satisfaction or joy or happiness. And I think what Hoffman allowed me to do was get back into the emotion of it. There’s just so many things in my life recently which have which have pointed me in this direction. And I just I know that I operate best when I’m led by emotion. Yeah. And and curiosity rather than strategy and, you know, visioning all these things that I hope will bring me happiness.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:16:34] Right.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:16:34] I try and be more in the moment like Chris was.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:16:40] For so long I was seeking external validation and I thought it was the things that would bring about the happiness. And then when I wasn’t happy, I worked harder because then I thought that I didn’t have nice enough things where the things weren’t impressive enough to others. To help me feel more validated, When I realize it, what was behind that was shame. Unworthiness. I used to think I was unlovable. And I would tell myself that. And so when we tell ourselves that we’re unlovable and we’re bright and we’re broken. That’s a narrative. That’s a belief. And when you say it enough. You’re going to believe it. And so are these the narratives in the beliefs that we’re talking about that really, instead of looking at what we need to get as opposed to what we need to shed or change? Was that your experience? Yeah.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:17:39] That’s really well-put for sure. The way that I did a while ago now. So I might not do this justice. But you know, from a young age as kids, babies, you know, parents might not be around because they’re working or something, but you feel lonely and you don’t have the capacity to understand that your dad working late or whatever it might be. And so you think, it must be my fault. So you build shame from the core. And then as we get older, we tend to try and offset that with habits that allow us to feel better. Know they can be negative. Negative patterns could be drinking. It could be self-sabotage, judgment, whatever. We all have, you know, many patterns. And to your point, the Hoffman process for me was a process of of shedding rather than finding gaining. In fact, I went to you get a coach when you go in there and I said to my coach, I need systems for my life to operate better. And he was like, No, you don’t. And he was so Corey, he’s become a very good friend of mine. He was right. He was right, because we live in a world where, you know, instant gratification and again, there’s lots of systems, three ways to do this, five ways to elevate this. The the morning routines. You must do that. Use an ice bath, stare at the sun for ten minutes, whatever they are. And, you know, there’s some benefit to all of that, of course. But to think that that is the way to get ahead and find yourself and find purpose is that I think that’s a bit shortsighted. That’s what I’m learning. So it was definitely a matter of of shedding stuff, accepting myself, you know, self-compassion forgiveness are two really important tenets, I think, for for us as humans to have. And so on the last day of the Hoffman process, I remember looking in the mirror and there had been no physiological change. But I looked in the mirror and I, I just looked different and I said, I love you. And I burst out crying because it was the first time I really felt it. You know, I feel the emotions talking about it now and yeah. And it equips you. It gives you tools to, you know, when you sort of stray perhaps back into these negative patterns that we, you know, we do, it allows you to kind of identify that and then you have the opportunity to work through those.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:19:52] I have a posted on my mirror that it’s so old now. It’s like bending and folding. So I had to tape it and it just simply says, Judd, I love you, Judd.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:20:03] Yeah, it’s great. I have something on my mirror that says. My. My presence unleashes my magic. My magic is enough. Loving myself will yield what I need. And it’s. It’s the same thing, isn’t it? It’s. It’s just self-love, right?  

 

Judd Shaw [00:20:22] Yeah. Bernie Brown talks so much about that very well that it’s the worthiness the that we are enough because we are. Yeah. And I, I actually learned later on that shame was my core wound. And so I was coming in acting from a place of shame. And so that that was rooted, perhaps. Maybe where I could have parents who were who were strict or punished mistakes. And so I learned that mistakes didn’t mean failing forward and success and opportunities for growth and and being curious and creativity. I. I heard and learned perfectionism. Right. And so hearing you. Reminds me that for so long a blind spot of mine was that that perfectionism was the unhealthy part. It was the part that was. Showing up when I felt shame. Yeah. See, John, you didn’t do that well enough. Yeah. See? And that’s. That’s those. Those narratives that can really be set early on in life. What blind spots did you learn? I’m curious.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:21:42] Well, I think that’s a really interesting concept. The idea that we can’t know it all was impossible. But what it is important to know is what we can at least look at as, you know, and improve. Like what our blind spots are. Well, I’ve just. I mean, I’ve just discovered one recently. I’m for the first time in a long time in a in a relationship. And it’s my first relationship, you know, my adult years, which is really serious. You know, I believe I found the one. And this is very topical, actually, I’ve just had a discussion with with my partner about it, but I thought, I’m 43. I’ve got plenty of life experience. I’ve done the Hoffman process. I’ve, you know, whatever. I’m pretty good. You just slip me into relationship and I’ll be fine. And I’ve realized my latest blind spot is. No, no, no. I’ve got to learn what partnership really is. It’s fine being a nice guy and having self-compassion and the concept of wanting to have family and all that stuff. But there’s a bit of a framework to it to to consider another person to be more collaborative rather than two independent people not to be codependent. But there’s this a lot to it. So my latest blind spot is that and I and I’m addressing it. I’m listening to an audio book by someone. I can’t remember his name, but he’s a he’s a well known couples therapist and we’re going through this together. But yeah, it’s true for everyone. I mean, you and I, we’re we’re on stages all the time speaking. And there’s probably a perception that because we’re doing that, we know it all. And it’s not. I have as many blind spots as anyone else and I’m trying my best to look at mine and then allow other people to perhaps look at theirs to.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:23:23] Go to that point. That actually set me back very early on because when I first went on that. My healing journey. Shedding those things that were no longer serving me. It felt impossible. It felt like how I need to wake up like three hours earlier than I’m already waking up just to get the cold bath in the meditation time. The avocado perfectly on the lake. All right. And. And then I needed still time now to ground after all that because I can’t start my neck. There were all of these things spiritually healing, self-development, self-improvement. And so. I felt that I couldn’t do all of this. And so for a time, really early on, I was like, I’d rather go back and fall back into the right. Because I can’t do these things. But I was looking at them again from that same belief that I had to do them perfectly. Yeah. Like, just start with one child. It doesn’t have to be the whole thing. Yeah. Splash some cold water on your face before you have to buy the cold plunge dunk tank and everything, right? Yeah. It’s an. And that also showed up in speaking where. Some amazing speakers, you and Ben. So many others in and I’m in in that wake and I’m going I can’t do that. Right. And those are those really the beliefs that are acting out.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:24:58] For sure.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:24:59] Those are the ones showing up, right? Yep. And. And giving myself permission. To to allow myself to. Not be perfect. To do it almost in perfectly. Was one of the most selfless, loving, compassionate, graceful things I could do for myself at that time.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:25:24] Yeah.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:25:25] And I know that there are so many that come from like. You often hear people come from plant medicine retreats. Yeah, particularly their first one. And they’re off on to this spiritual high. And they come back and they’re telling everybody, you know, you got to go, Yeah, I need to tell my sister am my my wife. And everybody I know has to go to this plant medicine because they feel this. And then off life comes back into play. After you experience the Hoffman process? Seven days. You come back. How do you integrate? And be able to do that on a daily practice so that you don’t fall back into putting masks back on your face.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:26:13] Yeah, well, I mean, they obviously have a whole process, you know, which you can use with you. So they took care of coordinating. So it’s the idea that we are we have an emotional self, an intellectual self, a physical self and a spiritual self, and each one needs to be addressed separately, but they need to learn how to work together. Yeah. So you can actually start a relationship and have conversation with each one and ensure that they’re safe and they can work together. And that’s, you know, to the betterment of all of us. You’re being led by your spiritual self, ultimately. So checking in, doing, you know, what they would call quadrant checks like a meditation essentially is one thing. But there’s also models around how to, you know, if we have negative patterns or, you know, whatever it might be, you might isolate yourself at a party or you might judge someone and you feel those things coming in. You can what do they call that? You pre cycle those things. So before you go out, for example, you’d sit down and think about the moment arising, what you would, what you would your spiritual self would want you to do. And it just helps. So there’s lots of little, you know, tips and tactics and techniques and stuff. And I’m sure there are many modalities that allow that that lead people to the same. Yes. But yes, I mean, I’m a year and a half out from doing that now. And I although I haven’t been doing my court checks recently, I still do use a lot of the stuff in Hoffman almost in subconscious ways now and not meaning that I’m perfect, but I’m doing a lot better.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:27:42] Do you feel there’s any difference between a pattern and a belief?  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:27:48] I think Payton Well, I think belief probably influences the pattern.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:27:53] Great point.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:27:54] Yeah, I think so. Because a pattern is like I, I, I judge you and my maybe there’s a belief that I feel I need to because I’m actually quite insecure.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:28:06] Right.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:28:07] So that’s my take on. I could be completely wrong, but as you say it to me I know.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:28:12] That sounds right to me. Thank goodness that you know, that that yes, these the patterns are in it are created.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:28:23] Yeah.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:28:23] As a result of of the belief it’s like a pattern often to me. Sounds like the coping mechanism to the belief.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:28:30] For sure. I mean, actually if you think of like a triangle and you know, at the top of the triangle, the top point is belief. Then there’s action and then there’s results. If you if someone’s pessimistic and and the world’s not kind, the belief is the world is not kind to them. Everyone’s horrible and nothing ever works out for them, etc. That belief absolutely informs their action in the day they’re shut off their clothes. They they might not be conversational, they might not ask the question, you know, whatever. And that leads to the result of at the end of the day, the world hasn’t really showed up for them because they haven’t showed up to the world. And that only kind of reinforces their initial belief. And so when it comes to, well, how do we actually change, we have these negative beliefs. There are so many ways to do it. But the one that I really like to look at is just action. You can’t change your belief ultimately, initially, if you think the world’s horrible, you can’t just go, no, it’s not. That’s tough. And the result is a byproduct of the action. So I like to, you know, talk to people about what can we just do differently, even though we might not feel like it, that will change a result which will in turn slightly tweak the initial belief and then, you know, start that kind of a positive snowball effect. And I think that’s really important when it comes to striving for goals. A lot of times people having seen my list will say, well, how are we able to do that? And I will say, I tried that. It even though I was nervous or apprehensive or I was, you know, I had self-doubt. I just I just tried something different. And yeah, I yeah, beliefs are beliefs. Patterns are, I think, perhaps more action based things, but I’m still working on both of them, is the answer.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:30:15] Me, too. Yeah. You know, when I left recovery or rehab years ago, and as I was leaving my therapist and I was moving to Newport Beach, California, and my therapist had said to me, George, if you want to find deep satisfaction, the joy that you’re looking for, go help someone else, you know, last much longer than the smell of the leather, you know, on a an exotic car. And I remember when I went out to Newport very early on, I found these homeless camps would hang out at the Balboa PR, the Newport Pier and. Often people were giving them food. And I asked up there was an actually a police officer who gets assigned to the homeless unit in Newport, and she had to be there when I was talking to her and she said, you know, Judge, what they really need are feminine products, socks, underwear, things of that nature. And it just sparked. So I went out and I went to Target or Walmart and they bought a bunch of the the big white socks. And I started going around and this happened for a while, but I would go and then there was this time now going much forward where I went to a tent and I said. And I would refer to myself as J.B.. That’s what I called myself when I would meet them. And. I knocked. Tapped on the guy’s tent, and he opened his tent, and I said, I’m just here seeing if you need any socks. I’ve. I happen to have some chips. And he said, No, that’s cool. I’ll take a pair of tube socks. And thanks so much. You know, I’m Edward. And I remembered it because it was my grandfather’s name. He said, What’s your name? I said, JB. You said I heard about you. That feeling at that moment. You know, I’m wondering for you with your experience, whether it’s 26 compared to all the things. That you’ve done? Yeah. For me, it changed the belief that I’m unworthy. It changed my narrative that I have no value. It changed that. That deep seated pattern. That I’m broken. That that moment changed that for me, and I realized that. What was your experience with all of this?  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:32:54] Well, I think helping other people or supporting other people or collaborating with other people, however you want to phrase it for me, allowed me to realize I’m part of something bigger than just myself. And so I think when, you know, I think as you grow up, we probably all just think about ourselves as kind of, you know, you sort of have to when you’re a kid, you think about your joy. You, you, you. And as you get older, the opportunity then arises to do something for other people. And yeah, every time I do it and I’m fortunate to do it a lot, it makes me realize I’m part of something bigger and allows me to feel connected. It allows me to feel useful and worthy or not worthy, but valuable to other people as well.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:33:36] There was like a mirror. I wanted to go back to therapy, isn’t it? How did you know that? How did you know that? If I was going to really make that social impact, that that would be better than all of the material things I’ve ever owned. And in I think listening to you particular about your experience. It’s because they broke that belief. Yeah. It’s because in that moment, my narrative was crap. Crashed, you know? Crushed. Shattered. It was as if I was always told that a country looks like this now. I visited it. I was like, Wait, this isn’t what anybody told me about. And and you just talking about beliefs and narratives. Brought me back to that moment. And I think it was because that narrative that he held on to so long was shattered. How can you be unlovable? How can you be broken? How can you be judged? Really have no value. Yet. This guy’s like. I heard about you for all the good things you’re doing.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:34:43] I mean, it’s beautiful. It’s great. I think that’s why it’s so important when you’re building a bucket list that there are things on there for yourself and there are things on there for other people. In my experience, I think a lot of us are one or the other. We’re either selfish or selfless, and either one of those by themselves are unhealthy. It’s nice to say, Well, all I do is go out there and help people. I help people all the time. But you need to work on yourself too. You need to help yourself. So I yeah, I would definitely.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:35:17] That’s a big part of that. Your story, which which resonated with me was that. When I fast forward to helping the community and helping Edward with just a simple pair of socks that came long after I had already worked on helping myself. Yeah. And I think that’s really a very important point that you even as a leader in the boardroom. A manager supervisor when you’re responsible, when you’re accountable for helping other people or supervising training, leading other people, how can you do that if you can’t do that for yourself?  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:35:59] For sure. I mean, every time you get into a plane, they will tell you in case of an emergency, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. Please put yours on first before helping others. I mean, it’s just the perfect kind of analogy or metaphor, whichever one. I always get confused, but you have to look after yourself. Otherwise you are useless to other people. And then as a side comment to that, you know, a leader in a boardroom, a manager in the workplace, you then have to think about, well, what’s actually helpful? You know, I think we have a tendency to just try and especially as men, you know, we just want to solve and, you know. Give the person a fish is supposed to teach them. I think one thing that’s really interesting for me, I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately is what is effective leadership, whether it’s at home with your family, in the community or in the workplace. And I for me at least, I think it’s it’s not forcing a result or forcing a way of being on people. I think instead you’re trying to the biggest way you can help is to create an environment that encourages people to perform. And I think you do that by allowing people to feel seen and heard, valued, acknowledged, understood, giving them a voice. And I think that’s what you did with Edward. You had a conversation. What is it you need? I hear you. You allowed him to feel part of something, and then you provided what you could. And so I think, you know, we often are on stage talking to corporate audiences. I think effective leadership truly comes down to allowing people to feel seen, heard, acknowledge, valued. And when you do that, you build trust. You build avenues for communication, and ultimately it leads to progress and transformation and you improve culture of any organization or team. Yeah.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:37:40] I think a lot of the organizations in companies are are shooting for this real sense of belonging. For me, in my experience, at least with my own law firm. It was Mary that did that. I had to show up that way to give permission to others to be able to do that. Yeah.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:38:01] I mean, if you show it’s sort of like the Braveheart effect, right? Like Braveheart inspired people.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:38:07] Right.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:38:08] He galvanized a nation of countrymen to stand up against an invasion and. Inspiration is one thing, but it’s not enough. So he then equipped them with tools or a framework that allowed them to not only feel inspired, but be able to latch that onto something. And then they all became a team. They were all elevated together. And I think maybe the third part of that is if we inspire people, we give them a framework to then become elevated themselves. I think then the true key to creating a thriving culture or community or team is peer to peer connection. You know, when you’re actually able to connect with someone, understand what they want and have the tools to be able to help them, whether you’re in an army or a workplace, I think that’s when you start moving together in a much more effective way. So, yes, you need to inspire by the way that you act. You need to create a framework for others to come up with you so you’re all elevated and then you just need to connect everyone together. And I. I think it’s I think it’s a really important point to note. Again, whether it’s in reference to a family, your community or or an organization.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:39:25] You remind me that it’s really helpful to be intentional. I don’t know if I thought about it, quite frankly enough, which is what beliefs and narratives may I be holding that are showing up in my workplace today? So for instance, before, because my core wound was shame. I shamed other people’s mistakes. Not only because they wanted things done perfectly, but what would that say about me? Right. Right. If somebody else is making a mistake, what does that say about me? As the the person training leading in showed that that belief was showing up in my workplace. It’s not just in my personal life. It’s not in my relationships or when I went home, it was it was in my workplace. And and I wonder now I think about that it’s a great question is can we ask ourselves as leaders? What beliefs and narratives are we holding on to that may be showing up in our workplace and holding back the very thing that we all want, which, you know, the sense of belonging and growth, creativity, innovation?  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:40:34] Well, I think we to your point, we all, whether we know it or not, create a ripple effect of influence on the people around us. And whether that ripple is positive or negative does come up, come down to the way we show up. And so if you’re showing up with shame and jealousy, judgment, control, whatever these things are, people feel that, well, people just feel that. And so as a leader, I think it’s really important that we make the choice every day to consciously lead in a way in which you’d want others to to feel seen and heard and feel motivated and engaged and connected and build this environment of trust. It’s the only way. So I think as soon as selfish endeavor comes in or a leader hasn’t done the self work to show up as someone who’s balanced and fair and all those other things, yeah, I think that that does start to create a negative ripple effect. So but the beautiful thing about it is it’s a choice. It’s a choice. We all have agency in our lives. I actually think living a good life comes down to being able to express ourselves through the things that we do as an extension of our personalities. I think having agency so knowing that we can take action on the things that are important to us, I think that gives us a sense of meaning or purpose, which is crucial to, you know, just standing up a little taller and having a more positive effect. And finally, if we get those three things we feel expressed, we have agency and we do start to connect. I or sorry, it leads to connection. Yeah, it leads to connect.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:42:11] It’s expressing authentically. Yeah. Because one of those things is we I was wearing masks so long and there was masks that I was wearing perhaps that I didn’t even realize it. Yeah. Right. And and again, shedding those things, showing up as as me was its own work. Like I had to find out. What? What does authentic Judd look like?  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:42:39] Yeah.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:42:40] And then when I’m able to do that, then I’m able to anchor what I anchor in my company today. Is that mirror. Am I showing up as my the best version that I can today and giving my my team permission to do the same?  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:42:57] Yeah. And so if it comes down to authenticity, the question then becomes more, how do you do all that work? And there are many ways of doing it. Therapy, Hoffman process, etc.. I love to talk about lists and goals, and I think from every experience that I’ve done and that I may be known for, from marrying a stranger to delivering a baby, to helping a stranger to walking across the country, whatever those things are, those things aren’t actually the important parts. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Each experience, though, has allowed me to work out something more about myself each time, whether it’s tiny or huge inside. And over time, I’ve seen that these lists that we have, these bucket list that we have more. So just vehicles for us to get into to work out ourselves. So I would say the key to being authentic, realizing who we are so that we have impact on other people in the most positively profound way is by being ourselves. That’s the key, I really believe. And if you can be yourself on a podcast by yourself as you’re going to the bathroom on a stage speaking to a crowd of people meeting. That’s that’s that’s the indicator. If you’re consistent in all those situations, you’re on the right track.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:44:08] When you hitchhike across America, what was one one moment on that particular journey that stood out?  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:44:19] Well, every car had a gun in it. And on one occasion there was this dude who I was fascinated because we don’t have guns in Australia, basically. And he said, Look in my glove box, I have a gun in there. And I was like, Wow. So I picked up this gun. It wasn’t loaded. And I looked down the barrel of it. So I pointed it at myself and it freaked me out. And I thought, how do I get around this? So I thought, right, I’m going to shoot my I’m going to organize in a safe way. A situation where I get shot. So I then googled bulletproof clothing companies and a place showed up in Columbia and I emailed them. It’s called Miguel Cafiero. And they make the they they make bulletproof clothing for armies for the president for. Anyway, I emailed them and said, Would you mind shooting me? And the owner and the gal got back to me and said, No worries. So I flew to Bogota, Colombia, and he put a jacket on me, took me into his factory, a bulletproof jacket. And then at point blank shot me. So that, as you say, what was the most memorable part of hitchhiking across the U.S.? It was probably that that was a bit weird. Well, I also found, though, it took me what was actually another interesting thing, that it took me 13 rides to get across from Palm Beach, Florida, to West Palm Beach, Florida, to San Diego, six days. And in every single car, you sort of sit there with a complete stranger. And because you don’t know each other and you’re never going to see each other again, it just becomes a mini confessional. And so the stories I heard from these people were wild. And I just found it was just it’s an interesting theme around connection and and and sharing. The things I heard were things that they would not share with their friends or family, I’m sure. So, yeah. Which means for me, what do I learn from that? Well, there is a way to instantly connect in a deep and profound way with people. And one of the elements, which is maybe not a healthy thing, is knowing you’re never going to see them again. But anyway, it doesn’t take a long. Yeah. I think my learning from that was you can really connect in a deep way quickly with someone with the right environment.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:46:34] That would make for an interesting podcast. The Hitchhiker.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:46:38] yeah. yeah, for sure. Yeah, it was. It was a great experience.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:46:43] What does he have? About a quarter left on this list. Yeah. What’s. What’s the one? That’s. What’s the one. That’s what it’s calling you.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:46:53] Incomplete truth. I haven’t looked at my list in a little while. I’m working on French. I’m learning the piano. Last year, I checked off surfing the power rocker, which is the Amazon River in South American Brazil. A couple of times a year, a supermoon rises and it draws in a big tidal wave or a. It’s called a bull and a tidal wall. And you can surf that. And so you can it’s a pretty precarious thing, this piranhas as alligators. There’s little, you know, a big wave rolling through this river. And I went and surfed it. And it was the first thing I’ve done for my list of signified like a significant thing in a while. And it fell. I cried at the end of it. It was it was that moving to me, both the natural elements that we are in, but also this feeling of purpose I had. And it reminded me that it is really I love being on stage. I think I impact people in a positive way. And the business of speaking something that I love, I love these things, connecting with other speakers, doing their amazing things too. But it’s a it was a reminder that I need to still do the things on my list. And so I’ve got a few things that I’m working on which I won’t share, but I you’ll hear about it soon. But yeah, the, the, the reminder for me and maybe a message for everyone else is it’s really important to consistently commit to the things that you identify as important to you no matter what they are, no matter how big or small. And at times I’ve forgotten that myself. So a few things I’ve got on the backburner. And you’ve made you’ve motivated me in this interview to really go attack it again.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:48:32] Well, I know that having a podcast episode with me was and without shame, I shed shame and could say that I know that that was not on your top 100. But for me, I’m so happy you’re here. Thanks so much for coming on the show.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:48:47] Judd, what an absolute pleasure. Thanks, mate. What a conversation. I really enjoyed.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:48:50] That. Me too. I’m a writer.  

 

Sebastian Terry [00:48:53] Good.  

 

Judd Shaw [00:48:54] Morning, Stan. My deepest gratitude to you. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please follow us on your favorite platform or share this episode with a friend. You can also follow me on Instagram at Jet Show Official. A special thank you to personal injury law firm Judge Short injury, long for their support in helping us bring this podcast to life. Remember, friends, authenticity isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being real. It’s about embracing our vulnerabilities, celebrating our strengths, and owning our stories. Until next time.