Energy is the Currency of the Future with Alison Canavan

Judd Shaw: [00:00:00] Welcome to Behind the Armor, where we deep dive into the heart of what matters. I’m your host, Judd Shaw, adventurer, storyteller, agent of change, and speaker on authenticity and human connection. Join me as we explore the complexities of human connection, featuring theorists, scientists, and speakers. Our mission is simple, to inspire you to reclaim your true self and create genuine connections with others.

Join me as we lay down our armor and live the armor. Hello, you beautiful people, and thanks for tuning in. Today, we’re talking with Allison Canavan. Allison is an acclaimed international speaker, wellness coach, and mindfulness advocate, inspiring audiences worldwide with her powerful message of energy management.

As a former international model, Allison graced the world’s most prominent runways and magazines, but it is her journey beyond the spotlight that truly captivates audiences. Through [00:01:00] mental health struggles and addictions, Allison made a remarkable transformation and found her ultimate purpose to empower others to live a life to the fullest.

Let’s uncover what’s behind the armor with Allison. Hi Allie, welcome to the show.

Allison Canavan: Oh, thank you so much for having me, Josh. I’m so excited to be here.

Judd Shaw: I’m so grateful for you for coming on and talking about such really important stuff on mental health and connection. Thank you for giving us that time.

Allison Canavan: Oh, you’re so welcome.

Judd Shaw: You know, I wanted to sort of paint a little picture if you, if you would, and go down backwards a little before we fall forward, right? And yeah. Yeah. You’re a runway international model. Uh, you’re on this runway in really the depth of your disconnection and whether it [00:02:00] be a bathing suit or sparkling gown, whether it be seven inch heels or some kind of flip flop, whatever it is at the moment, you’re walking down there.

What’s it like to be you

Allison Canavan: in those moments? It’s funny because as you’re describing it there, it actually, it’s transporting me back to like fashion week and in those moments and in those moments. It was amazing. Like in those particular moments, like when you’re running down the runway or you’re behind the camera, it was the moments that, that are not when you’re on like that, that I was struggling the most.

Um, you know, it’s interesting. The fashion industry is obviously very much about what you look like, you know, it’s about your body, what you look like and very little about what’s going on inside. In fact, nothing about what’s going on inside. And I struggled from a really, really, really young age with my mental health.

I didn’t come [00:03:00] from a family of great communicators. You know, nobody was like, how are you feeling? You know, we’ve kind of gone the opposite extreme with that now in the world today. We’re constantly asking kids about their feelings and, you know, helping them communicate. But outside of that, I, I kind of always Felt when I was young that I didn’t really belong.

I don’t know if you’ve ever felt that. I just had this feeling like, where do I belong? Like, who am I, what am I to do in this world and where are my people? And I could always get on with everybody. I was in a bit of a chameleon in that, like, no matter where I went, I could always fit in, like from the perspective of chatting to people, but I still always felt like an outsider.

And so in the fashion industry, I kind of. One part of me absolutely loved it. I loved walking on the runways. I loved, it’s funny. I was just doing stuff for my visa here yesterday and there was boxes and boxes of photographs out. And she was like, can you, she wanted to build a case going way back to the nineties, the mid nineties.

[00:04:00] And so I took out this old box and we went way back and I was like, Oh my gosh, like what a career. Like, I don’t think I’ve ever done that. Ever. I’m 45. And I was showing James, my son, who’s 13, like, I was like, Oh my God, look at mommy on the cover of this magazine and look at this. And he’s like, Oh my God, that’s you.

Wow. And I was going through and I was thinking, Oh my gosh. I don’t think I realized how much I was doing and all the work I was doing and all the travel and how fricking amazing it was because you know, I was struggling so much within myself. I was struggling to survive, you know, I was struggling to survive as an individual and you know, I became really, really, really good at putting on a show.

Like I could go to work and I could just have a chat with myself and go, go into this studio And give it everything you’ve got and just really show up. Like I’m, my father used to say to me when I was [00:05:00] young, whatever you do in this life, give it 110%, whether it’s folding jeans, like I used to in his friend’s clothes shop or working with kids in India, like I used to do, like whatever you’re doing, give it your all.

And I always say to my son, like I would say, what did my dad used to say? And he’s going to, my son would say, if you’re going to do a job, do it properly. So I had this kind of mindset of entering a studio or entering fittings with a designer and really being on. But because I wasn’t using my authentic energy, I would be burnt out and absolutely exhausted at the end of the day.

It’s like, I give it all during the day. And then I would leave and go and really collapse in on myself. So I always used to be kind of emotionally exhausted, but at the same time, completely incapable of expressing my emotions. It sounds like a contradiction. It’s like, it does mean it

Judd Shaw: is so much there that I want to unpack.

It’s so interesting. And I [00:06:00] really loved your answer. You know, first and foremost, I have to say, yes, I do know that. Sense of belonging feeling. I think us as humans, we all have a sense of belonging. We always, we, we strive for that because we’re wired for connection and that sense of belonging allows us to feel heard and seen and feel valued.

And you know, my brand’s mission is to empower people to show up as their genuine selves. Connect authentically with others and thrive in that process. And so I think we can all relate to wanting that belonging. And you know, what I hear when you’re, when you’re on that, that moment, when you’re on the runway, right, that’s the validation that comes from all the work.

And for me, that was my, my suit of armor was the shirt and tie and you know, now I’m looking like my, I’m playing lawyer and I’m coming out there and I’m handling this case and everybody’s like, this guy’s got it. Going on completely. And I [00:07:00] don’t, I don’t have anything going on. I’m empty. I’m disconnected.

I’m lonely. And for you, it sounded like a lot like, uh, the, the off stage, the masking up. That went on in your modeling was the thing that led to that lifestyle.

Allison Canavan: Oh, I became, I became a pro at wearing masks and I think we do as human beings. I think we’re indoctrinated into a school system since we’re so young and we get taught to.

Be who we think we’re supposed to be. And very rarely are people actually themselves. You know, I hear from my clients all the time. It’s like, well, when I was a kid, I just did what I was supposed to do. Ooh, Ooh, like what, what does that mean? Listen to that statement. I did what I was supposed to do. That means like every single action you take.

Is determined by your brain saying, [00:08:00] will my next action make that person like me? Or will I please them or will I fall into line or will I be doing the right thing for them? I mean, you’re completely self abandoning with that. And so many of us do that from a really, really early age. And it’s so sad because, you know, whether we have a crisis or a meltdown or something Something that happens or spontaneous spiritual awakening or something, a lot of people will continue their life in that way.

And then we wonder why people are suffering and they have depression and they have anxiety and they feel lost. And even when in relationship, they feel lonely. And I always like, I’m always saying to people like, Even with things like when we start dating, this is like a very simple example of what I try to explain to people.

You know, and the person you’re dating says, let’s go to this restaurant. And it’s like your least favorite restaurant. Like you absolutely hate it. Like you both live in the same neighborhood. You hate the food, you hate everything about it, but [00:09:00] because you’re trying to impress the person, you go to the restaurant.

And then for the first, like six, seven months, the relationship, it’s like, you go to that restaurant once a week. Because it’s the thing that you both did. And then six months into the relationship, there’s a massive argument. And you say, Oh my God. And I hate the restaurant. And the other person’s like, well, why I thought you loved the restaurant.

Like you went there from day one. It’s like, we abandoned ourselves so early on in our life, you know, and it does catch up with us. It really does. And it’s like all these little. Choices and decisions we make every day where we don’t hold boundaries and we don’t learn to say no, and we don’t learn to love ourself.

Last year I had, I choose a word of the year every year. And last year I chose the word love. And I thought, Oh, I’m choosing the word love because it’s going to be. I’m going to call in a relationship. I’ve been single for a long time. I’m a single mom. So that was my intention of choosing the word love [00:10:00] is like, I’m going to open up to calling in a relationship where we don’t always get what we want, but we always get what we need.

And last year was my greatest initiation into love in all its facets and forms, because I truly believe when we choose a word, words have power. Your word is your wand. The word becomes your teacher in every single aspect of the word, it becomes your path of initiation, wherever, whatever is not love is going to show up is going to be brought to the light to be healed.

And the first part of the initiation was self love and it’s like. really learning to love and appreciate myself. And I didn’t expect that to be the path of initiation with the work I’ve been doing for so long. And it went deep and it was painful. And I like went to the depths of darkness with myself.

And then the year ended with a trip to Ireland. First of all, I was in a car accident. Then I got a phone call to say, my mom had a couple of days to live and we ended up going on a plane. And [00:11:00] There was a lot to resolve there in my maternal line and with my mom. And I thought, Oh my God, at the end of the year, just last week when I was doing meditation and journaling, I was like, that was the most profound journey.

into love that I have ever experienced in my life. And last January, that is not what I expected of the journey. So I just think it’s, this life is so interesting when we finally decide, because I do think it has to be a conscious decision. To, to be who we are. It’s like, for me, I think that is the most courageous thing that any human being in this world can do is decide to actually be who you are.

Like, even as I say it, I can feel like all of those, you know, it’s kind of like a little bit of terror and fear and you know, can I just be who I am? Like, [00:12:00] Will people love me for, for, for just me? You know, like that’s the greatest question of all, I think, like, am I enough as I am without all the masks, without all the extras that I have learned to put in,

Judd Shaw: so, you know, you’re on a cover of, uh, fashion magazines and teenagers would look up to you and say this international runway model here.

Right away. I mean, look at, you know, it’s amazing. A teenager says. Well, how do you then not mask up? Don’t we all have some guilt? Don’t we all have some shame? Don’t we all want to fit in? What do you tell your, you know, I know by the way that with coaching, you do a lot of inner child work. What do you tell your teenage version, your inner child now with knowing about masking up and not being genuine and not being unique and not being you and disconnecting from yourself?

What do you, what do you [00:13:00] tell? Your inner child. What advice do you give?

Allison Canavan: I tell my inner child, first of all, that it’s safe. It’s safe to be you. And I think for most of us, safety is the primary issue that comes up. We don’t feel safe. We don’t feel safe in the world. We don’t feel safe expressing as ourselves.

We don’t feel safe being authentic. And for me, if I was talking to my teenage self who felt. insanely unsafe in the world, especially in the fashion industry. I’m going to be honest. I remember being in Paris at 15 and being handed a map. Like there was no phones, by the way, people who are listening to this, there was no mobile phones at the time when I started modeling.

So you literally got like, A map. It was like a that thick. And you got a printout of 10 appointments for the day. And it was like, off you go figure it out. And I remember being in a modeling apartment with, you would be put, when you’re young, you’re put in an apartment with lots of other different models.

You’re supposed [00:14:00] to be, and I use that word supposed to be in inverted commas, being chaperoned and having someone from the agency stay with you and all of that. Like that very rarely happened. And I remember going to bed at night, curling up in a ball, feeling utterly terrified. I mean terrified as a young girl.

During fashion week, there would be different girls coming in and there would be a lot of movement all the time. So I was surrounded by girls who I, there was girls who I lived with who overdosed. There was girls who had horrific eating disorders. I was exposed to an awful lot of drugs and everything very, very early on.

And I was so terrified and I never said a word because I was so afraid of disappointing everybody who kept saying, Oh my gosh, so few Irish girls have ever made it on the international scene. And you’re doing so amazing and you’re living the life that every young girl wants to live. So I was like, I can’t say a word because people are just going to say to me, Oh my God, you’re so ungrateful.

You know, you’re so ungrateful. You [00:15:00] have all this opportunity. And I remember Um, with that process at 15, I lost my voice over time. And as you can tell now, like I’m quite a strong character, right? And actually was then, but I learned very early on that speaking your truth in my industry came at a cost and it did come at a cost.

It came at a very high cost of not working. Or I remember when I spoke up. You know, say we were doing a fashion show and all the girls would be absolutely starving backstage and the designer would come in and I would say, you know, everybody’s actually starving. Is there any way we can get some water or get something?

And they, the designer would go, who’s starving? And none of the girls have put up their hands. And I’d be like, Oh my God, you’re literally leaving me out here. This is a very simple example. Be like. You were all just moaning a minute ago that you’re starving. And one of the things I learned early on was that when you decide to step out on your own and speak your truth, what generally tends to [00:16:00] happen is everybody behind you falls away.

And that’s a very isolating moment. And so it takes great courage. I have nothing but incredible admiration for people who actually speak their truth, who speak their truth, who speak up for what’s right. Because you can generally be sure that they’re going to be on a very lonely path on their own, you know, um, which is really interesting.

So I would say for a very long winded way, George, if I was talking to my younger self, I would say that the most important thing is to actually speak your truth. That you’re always going to end up exactly where you’re meant to be. You’re here to leave an imprint on the world that nobody else is here to leave.

And the sooner you get onto that path, the easier life is going to get. It’s actually going to get much easier living the way you’re living and hiding and not shining your light is causing you so much pain and suffering. And as soon as you take that big step, and as soon as you get brave and you [00:17:00] start living your truth, Life is going to come up full force behind you and the universe and the creator are going to support you in unimaginable ways.

And that is the actual truth.

Judd Shaw: I love the idea of safety because I actually had tattooed a safe on my arm. I did that because of the word safety and I couldn’t describe in my transformation, uh, for me of how I was able to start to get regulated and connecting with myself and connecting with others and expanding these connections.

And I had to really understand what was the difference. And for me, like you, I had to start in a place of safety. You know, Stephen Porges, who, uh, developed a polyvagal theory, says that safety is not the absence of threat, but the presence of connection.

Allison Canavan: Hmm. Oh, just [00:18:00] love that man. Love his work. Like it’s so important.

Judd Shaw: And so I want to get back to, uh, on that, on the modeling side of it, you know, you mentioned addiction, um, and, and that a lot of time is a, a, The form of masking either fitting in guilt, shame, otherwise coping. Um, what, what did before you recognize that you had lost control at that moment, right? Uh, for me, I talk a lot about my dark night of the soul in this garage curled up when I realized I had reached magnificent financial success and felt lonelier and more disconnected and worse in my life than I had ever.

And so what, what, what was the addiction and what did, what did that look like? Can you paint that picture for a moment for us?

Allison Canavan: Yeah. First of all, I’d just like to acknowledge what [00:19:00] you just said, because what a beautiful and powerful moment for you to have created for yourself in this journey to know that that’s not where happiness lies.

Like what a powerful creator you are to have, because you couldn’t teach to the depths that you’re teaching now, had you not gone there, that’s so beautiful and so powerful. And at the time it doesn’t feed it. And let me know. I’ve been through many dark nights of the soul. And in that moment, it’s listening to someone like me say that you just want to punch them in the face.

But it is like, for me, I, for me, drinking drugs were. An escape from the pain there was an escape from the mental torture and the suffering that I felt, but I also just always had this. Ah, just not feeling great and feeling trapped in myself. I didn’t have the ability to communicate like I do right now, but as soon as I had a drink, all of that went away.

It kind of relaxed. As soon as I took drugs, I was suddenly able to like talk a million miles an hour and it was like, Oh my God, I had this amazing [00:20:00] personality. I mean, I will say for me giving up alcohol, the main thing I remember being in the rooms of AA in New York. And the main thing that used to come up for me was, do I have a personality?

Will I be able to go out and like, converse with people and, you know, do I have anything to say? Like they were very real fears of mine because it felt like my safety, speaking of safety, came in a glass of wine. Like, even if I hadn’t drank a glass of wine yet, if I went to an event, And I had a glass of wine in my hand.

It was just like my, my confidence, my buddy, my friend, my partner is like, everything’s going to be okay. As long as I have a drink in my hand. And when I realized through really getting to know myself and doing the work is I actually don’t like going to events like that. I don’t like big events like that with a lot of people and doing small talk.

And I, I started to No wonder I was full of anxiety and terror and everything and needed something to help me. Like I was always told that [00:21:00] I was an extrovert and very outgoing. And actually I’m kind of an introvert extrovert. I don’t actually like being in big crowds. I don’t, when I’m with you one on one and I meet you for coffee and we deep dive, I’m also not a small talk person.

So if I meet you. And we, we would probably deep dive like in a minute, right. And then you were going to get the best of me, but if we’re going to sit there and talk about the weather, like I’m going to be honest with you, I just, I don’t, I don’t have it in me. I feel the

Judd Shaw: same way. And I want to dial that in because it’s the importance is that that’s why I say that it’s not human connection.

It’s authentic human connection. You know, I had a lot of people I knew on my social circle was big. I had a lot of clients. None of them were authentic. I couldn’t tell any of them how I was really feeling.

Allison Canavan: It’s

Judd Shaw: authentic human connection. It’s that, that we, we don’t have small talk. We’re, we’re doing that deep dive that drives the connection between us.

Allison Canavan: And it’s also, you see that when you get, I love that because that’s, that’s [00:22:00] That’s just such a brilliant and beautiful point to make. And I also remember when I got sober, everybody disappeared, everybody, like besides a couple of people. So like there is a couple of people I still have in my life, but that was also like, there’s a grieving process that comes with that.

Sure. It’s like, Oh my gosh, my friends weren’t really my friends. And you know, you’re grieving your old life and you’re grieving the way things used to be. Like, it’s really scary. It’s really scary to take that step for yourself because I When you let go of alcohol, drugs and partying or your support system, and I don’t mean your support system with people.

I mean, your support system with, for me, it was pills and everything as well. Like when you decide to let go of that support system, it’s a really scary world. You know, you can do anything if you’re popping a pill or numbing yourself or, you know, You know, taking something to take the edge off. But like, I have so much respect for anyone who moves into recovery and decides to show up and do the work because to be in this world, [00:23:00] especially the way it is today and decide to feel everything like going into recovery is the very, very, very first step.

Now you have to actually experience and work through all the emotions that you were trying to suppress and repress with all the. With all the addictive substances. That’s when the work really begins. Like, I’m nine years. Into my recovery journey this time,

Judd Shaw: and

Allison Canavan: I, I literally, it just keeps getting better and better and better.

But also what I’ll say is that more and say peeling layers off an onion, deeper stuff comes up every year for me to work through, you know, all the stuff that I was burying for, for years and years and years. But the freedom and the liberation that comes from doing that deep work is something that I would.

Never, ever, ever give up. Is the path easy? No, it’s not. And I would never tell anybody it was. I would never tell anybody that, you know, you’re going to get sober and the path is [00:24:00] going to be really easy, but I will tell you that I have never, ever, ever met anybody in my entire life who says, God, I really regret getting sober.

Judd Shaw: I may have seen you in the, in the rooms in New York. I was there. I, I’ve been in AA in New York. I’ve been there a lot of places around the country and, uh, and that’s because similar to you, I didn’t have a. addiction to a substance or a thing. I had an addiction to not feeling pain. I had an addiction to not feeling at all.

Yes. And, you know, what I had realized was that at a young, as a young child, uh, seeking help sometimes hurt worse. It made me feel worse. And so trying to get support sometimes backfired. Sometimes when I’d ask for something that, you know, and so I, I, as a learned behavior, I learned that asking sometimes for [00:25:00] help made a situation worse.

So that crept. more of my negative coping behavior to anything to not feel at all. And so what I, you know, kind of suggest to you also is that whether, you know, it’s not just necessarily for our followers about talking about sobriety, that is easier, hard. I think the message really is that what happens is, is it drives connection.

And so your brain will always choose what it knows over what it doesn’t know. Yeah. And it knows what happens when you pick up a drink and it would rather you do that, then go get sober. That’s scary. That’s a fear because now you won’t hold those coping mechanisms. What is your brain going to do with that?

And it doesn’t know that. And it wants to tell you that even though you think the drink is great, is bad. No, you don’t remember. You won’t feel that. And so when we turn away from those [00:26:00] things and we turn to inward and we start feeling those things and we start doing the work for me, that transformation remove those barriers.

To a deeper connection with myself.

Allison Canavan: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, gosh, like I abandoned myself so early on in my life, probably earlier than I can ever remember, you know, like long, long, long time ago, I abandoned myself, I was a chronic people pleaser. And it’s so interesting when you were talking there about, you know, when you asked for help, You know, it actually caused you to, to go the other way.

And as you’re talking, I’m like, Oh my gosh, I never felt like I could speak up. And my voice was valid. I didn’t, you know, when I spoke my truth, somebody would always say, no, you don’t, or that’s bloody ridiculous. Or that didn’t happen when you were young. So you were kind of like, Oh, okay. So [00:27:00] like, if I speak up and say how I’m actually feeling or why I’m doing this, somebody is going to tell me that that’s not true and not right.

So I actually hear you there. Like I remember that, you know, it wasn’t until I got some great therapists To actually gave me the space to, and there’s some good and bad therapists out there too. You know, I had some bad therapists and I had some great therapists. But I remember the first time I had a good therapist who actually allowed me to speak about what did happen when I was growing up and what did happen in my childhood.

And she actually acknowledged it for what it was. It was like, I remember that day in that office when I was speaking to her and I was kind of laughing about something that, you know, one of my parents used to say, or laughing about something that happened. And she said to me, Ooh, I need you to hear that.

That’s not normal. Like that’s not okay. And I was like, wow, that was said every other day. So it was normal to me, but I remember the moment where she’s like, no, I need you to hear me. I need you to hear me that the little girl. That was [00:28:00] hearing that every day is part of the reason why you’re doing what you’re doing right now.

And I just remember that feeling of being heard for the first time is profound.

Judd Shaw: Right. And let’s connect that for a minute because that’s an important connection of these dots. The first thing is that you had that awareness. The second thing is that you felt heard and seen, right? Being heard and seen was being authentic.

You being real and raw, being your genuine self, you were able to then feel heard and seen because your therapist was able to see you and hear you for the way you want it to feel valued.

Allison Canavan: Yeah. And it’s, it is the most powerful thing in the world. Dr. Gamborematte was a huge influence on my recovery because I didn’t really sitting in the rooms of AA for, for nine or 10 years.

Well, first of all, I have to be honest, did I really have an intention of [00:29:00] getting sober? No. You know, it was because they didn’t know anybody who was, who was really sober. And I just didn’t know what I would do with my life. You know, I was a model living in New York. I was like, how would I survive? But I remember listening to a video, um, of Gabor Maté when he said, ask not what the addiction, ask why the pain.

Judd Shaw: Exactly.

Allison Canavan: That was like the first time in my life. And I had been through so many rooms and so many therapists. And that’s the first time in my life. That anyone had put it that way. And I was like, Whoa! Say that again. Say that

Judd Shaw: again for the listener. That’s so good. It’s one of my favorite quotes of his.

Allison Canavan: Ask not why the addiction, but ask what the pain or why the pain. And I remember thinking, Oh my God, I’m in pain. I am, I am trying to stop the pain and that began this. I actually got into recovery really much easier after reading his work in the realm of hungry [00:30:00] ghosts and I actually went and I did some courses with him and everything, but how compassionate that man is.

Around addiction totally transformed me because I don’t know about you, but I found people, people are very judgmental around addiction, very judgmental. Like you’re almost terrified, terrified to say that you have a problem. You know, I sure I remember when I went back to Ireland years ago and I started speaking up about mental health and, you know, going on TV and radio.

And I had people coming up to me saying, you need to stop with this mental health stuff now. You need to drop this mental health stuff. It’s affecting your career and people don’t want to work with you. So I remember going on a TV show called the late, late show in Ireland, and it’s like our big Friday night chat show.

And I was talking about being in recovery in hindsight. I was about a year into recovery. It was probably a little bit too early George for me. I realize that now.

Judd Shaw: Um,

Allison Canavan: The longest I’d ever been sober. So obviously I felt like I was sober, like 50 years,

Judd Shaw: [00:31:00] but

Allison Canavan: then when I got on the TV show, I realized the emotions were still very raw.

I realized that there was a lot going on there. And the next day when I woke up, well, that was a Friday. So it was really on the Monday. I got loads of emails. From clients, all canceling my work, all canceling my work. And I remember my mom saying to me, I told you, I told you not to say anything. You’re a single mother.

What are you going to do for work now? Literally all my clients, I was brand ambassador for loads of stuff. And it was the best thing that ever happened to me. And people might say, well, my gosh, really losing all your work and having little income. And it was the best thing that ever happened to me because I just thought, well, I’ve nothing to lose now.

So now I can really speak my truth and I did, and it was when I really decided in that moment, I am going to fully lean in to my authenticity. I am going to speak my truth. I am going to talk about my journey because as [00:32:00] little as nine years ago, there was very few people in Ireland talking about our problem with alcohol and it’s a nationwide problem.

It is a. A numbing of ancestral trauma on a, on a national scale, you know, like what have we exported as Irish people? Where do you go in the world, anywhere in the world? And what are you guaranteed to find? An Irish pub, right? It’s like what we’re known for. It’s like a badge of honor. Like how much you can drink is a thing.

Like, you know, when I used to be going out when I was young, it’s like, Oh, you can have 30 drinks. Wow. You’re amazing. You’re so Irish. And I remember this. This fear that I had, and I just couldn’t believe how people were so two faced. So they were writing me an email to say, Oh my God, you should be so proud of yourself.

And that’s such an amazing achievement. However, we just don’t feel it’s right for the brand. Or it was emails like, Oh, we had three speakers for this. Now we’re only booking [00:33:00] two, but we’ll keep you in mind for a future job. And that came in one after the other, after the other, after the other. And I remember sitting there going, that was a massive turning point for me.

It was a massive turning point in you’re damned if you do, and you’re damned if you don’t. Like, what was I going to do? Play the game, play the game, pretend only say.

Judd Shaw: I’d argue with you on that point. And the reason is because I never think that if you’re authentic, genuine, true and raw, you’re damned.

Allison Canavan: Hmm.

Yeah. Yeah. That’s true. Yeah.

Judd Shaw: Maybe you lose that gig or you don’t get this or people judge you or whatever, but yeah. Be authentic. You know, that’s what I would always want the message is you’re never damned for being authentic and being you. You may, you may not get the result you’re hoping for.

Allison Canavan: Yes. Yes.

The

Judd Shaw: universe will pay that back tenfold in the long run.

Allison Canavan: And I think that’s important to remember. So in, [00:34:00] when I’m saying you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t, things might not always go your way, right? They might not always go your way and you have to be okay with that too. You know, and that’s something that we’re not very good at as human beings.

We’re very much, we’re control freaks and we think we can control everything when we can’t actually can’t. And I do believe. You know, my grandmother used to say to me all the time, and somebody said it to me in Ireland recently again, um, you’re, you know, what’s meant for you won’t pass you. And it is something that Irish people say an awful lot.

And it’s something that I’ve like contemplated on a lot because, you know, part of me is like, well, what’s meant for you won’t pass you, but just, you know, what about working for something and doing whatever? But I, yeah. Went through a series of miracles from when we got the phone call to go home to Ireland recently.

When we got back, we’re in the middle of our green card process. And so we’re not supposed to be traveling and we had travel parole. And I was just in this energy of trust. And I just said, I have deep faith and I pray all the time. And I just said, okay, God, [00:35:00] if I’m meant to be in America and if that’s my path.

And if this is what I’m meant to do, I have to go home and say goodbye to my mom. Like I have to, like that’s, that’s a non negotiable, but if we’re meant to get back in, we will get back in. And so this element of, I used to be very attached to outcomes, you know, which caused me so much pain and suffering, but there was something very liberating about saying, if we’re meant to get back in, we will.

And if we’re not, it means that there’s something else for me to finish here in Ireland. And when we got to immigration, not only did we meet the most amazing officer, But he, his wife lives in my local tiny town here in Texas, like what are the chances? And so I remember in the days running up to that, someone saying to me, you know, what’s meant for you won’t pass you.

And part of my lesson of last year I feel was when I get very, very rigidly stuck on wanting something to turn out a certain way, I cause myself so much pain and suffering inside. But [00:36:00] when I authentically show up and I work towards something and I surrender the outcome, I’m Things always fall exactly the way they’re meant to be, in the most divine, incredible way.

And it’s so beautiful when that happens,

Judd Shaw: right? Isn’t it? You know, I wanted to ask you, uh, part of you talking about how you regain control of your life through really a understanding and uncovering mindfulness and mental health. Um, At what point do you recognize that you lost control?

Allison Canavan: Oh gosh, I mean being really honest Like the first time I drank when I was a teenager in the field with my friends I knew that I was the person that took it too far.

Like I knew I was [00:37:00] that person that like I was, I was acutely aware whether I wanted to consciously be aware or not. I was acutely aware from when I was a very young girl that I was the person who wanted to get a little bit more wasted than everybody. I knew that from a very young age, from a very, very, very young age, I knew that it was something that I wasn’t fully in control of.

And so that was really a struggle for me. I spent most of my life justifying to those around me who loved me that I wasn’t doing it on my own and everybody else is doing it too. You know, and it’s not like I’m up till four in the morning on my own. So I would say there were periods of my life where I was a deeply functioning alcoholic.

And that is, that is a thing, by the way, for a lot of people, you can get up in the morning and working out and going to work and drinking every day and you can be perfectly healthy and functioning. But the wheels really came off for me at a couple of different times when during my time in New York, there was a couple of years where the [00:38:00] wheels really came off.

I was just not in control of anything. I was just a mess, an absolute mess. And then after I had my child, I had a break from drinking, obviously while I was pregnant and breastfeeding. And I thought, Oh my God, I don’t have a problem. I don’t have a problem. Sure. I haven’t drank for ages. And the first night I went out and drank, I came in at five in the morning, absolutely wasted.

And I was like, Oh, I do have a problem. I have a really, really big problem. Like there is never an end when I start. Like it’s never just one. It’s never just two. It’s never able. To go to the pub for a drink ever, like from when I was a teenager all the way through. And you’re able to mask that by saying, come on, let’s go back to my house.

I’m gonna get a bottle of wine and the off license and we’ll drink it. But really all I was doing was I wanted to have another drink. That’s all that was happening in all of those moments was I just don’t want to go home yet because I’m not finished [00:39:00] drinking. So I knew that there was a problem there for a very long time.

And my twenties were this. Tug of war in and out of the rooms of AA, you know, what I call practicing moderation Mary for so long, like, you know, under the illusion that I could moderate. And that’s a full time job, by the way, that is a full time job. If you have an issue with alcohol and you decide that you’re going to moderate it.

That takes up every spare second of your thoughts, your energy, because what you’re doing is the entire time you’re like, okay, tonight I’m going to go out and I’m going to have a glass of wine, I’m going to glass of water. And so you’re the whole day prepping. Then when you’re out, you’re like, okay, so now have a glass of water.

And then you’ve overstepped the mark and you don’t come in till four in the morning. And the whole time you’re actually beating yourself up, even when you’re drunk and high. Like it is.

Judd Shaw: What does it look like removing yourself from your [00:40:00] core self? Like over time you have your sort of core values or the idea of who you’d want to be showing up as, but you’re showing up as something different.

You’re masking up. And so the more you’re drinking in a way that that’s not how you aligned with your values. That’s not how you want to show up. You start to. Maybe lose that control. You’re starting to get away from yourself further and further. And so in my, um, brand, uh, for me, my framework was called the connection cure C U R E meaning something I see for conscious awareness, then understanding how, uh, Human connection and authenticity can empower your life, then looking to renew those relationships with yourself and others, and then expanding that and thriving.

And so for you, I really wanted to ask about that conscious awareness part about my framework because you know, you continue [00:41:00] to use the word conscious or talking about awareness. And I’m wondering if uncovering mindfulness. Is your conscious awareness like, is that your hack on your framework is, is, is, is that first step of looking how you’re showing up and whether you’ve lost this sort of sense of self.

Whether you found this self, how you manage your energy, what does conscious awareness look like in, in your framework and the work you’re doing?

Allison Canavan: Yeah. So I, you know, started meditating a very long time ago, over 27 years ago. And so I had an amazing teacher in New York called Kata Mortem from the Kadampa Buddha center.

And that was my first connection to, even though I find meditation challenging in the beginning, It helped me remember something. It helped me remember and connect to something within me. So I kept going back and [00:42:00] I kept going back and it gave me some sense of peace in this chaotic world. So for me, awareness is everything like having.

The intention to be aware of my choices and my actions, and that starts as soon as my eyes open every day. Like I have been saying for well over a decade now, when the morning, when the day, like, for me, it’s setting my energy in the morning. I. Woke up this morning. I didn’t feel great. I was a little bit sad.

There’s a lot going on and I didn’t want to do what I know makes me feel better. And I just got up anyway, because I think that’s the first and most important step. You got to do it anyway, because motivation follows action, not the other way around. People always say, Oh, I’m just going to wait till I’m ready or until I feel motivated.

I’m like, Ooh, good. Look at that. You’re going to be waiting a very long time because. Yeah. It’s in the action that the change happens, and I know that deeply. So this morning I got up, I meditated in front of red light, I did some breath work, I journaled, I free write in the morning, I do morning pages, [00:43:00] and I did 20 minutes of yoga, and for me everything is energy.

And helping people understand energy management is so important because, you know, tapping into your inner infinite resource of energy is so much better than how most people live, which is using external synthetic energy. Like most people aren’t running on their own energy supply. They’re running on coffee and, you know, pills and.

They’re, they’re forcing their energy, external

Judd Shaw: validation,

Allison Canavan: external validation as well. So everything is about outside in rather than inside out. So when I started to realize doing Qigong and different things, and first of all, the most important part of all of this, I’m a breathwork teacher as well, is regulating your nervous system.

I wish somebody had done that with me when I was a teenager, right? Everything. I literally had the most dysregulated nervous system on earth when I started regulating.[00:44:00]

Okay. Both of us. So it’s like, I remember starting to do somatic work for anybody who wants to know somatic work is body work, like in your body and doing. Nervous system regulation work through breath work and lots of different ways and grounding into my body. First of all, it felt so unsafe. Like when I actually brought myself into peace and calm, I realized that it was a very alien place to be in.

And it was a very unsafe place to be in for somebody who was used to chaos and drama all the time. So I had to teach myself that it was okay To become and that takes time. I mean, I say time, I mean, months and years like this isn’t something that just happens overnight. This is like a committed practice to self.

And so that practice for me is, is all day every day. And I mean that when I say all day every day. Like, I have a deep commitment to myself now where I check in with myself multiple times a day. [00:45:00] And if I, I honor the cycles for me as a woman, I’m going to say in particular, like I honor the cycles of my own body as I move through the month.

Some days I have more energy. Some days I have less. Like. You know, I used to be very hard on myself. And when I started all this work, it was like, you meditate, you work out and you do this and this and this. And it was all kind of by the book, you know, coming from an addict. Okay. Like I just brought my addiction into wellness.

It’s just, let’s just transfer the old addiction into being like a complete lunatic with wellness. Right. And if I didn’t take everything off my list every day, I would feel bad. And I learned to soften towards myself. To have compassion, to kind of really treat myself as a sacred being and build a relationship with myself the same way as I would if I was in a relationship with a partner or my child or my family or friends.

spend time with myself, get to know myself, which is like the most beautiful and amazing [00:46:00] journey that is, you know, it never ends. Like I find out more about myself all the time. And so for me, I think, I don’t think mindfulness is optional in today’s world because I think we live in a very disconnected world.

I think reconnecting to herself is essential because we can’t reconnect to others without connecting to herself first for me. Nature. I live in the country now is, is my greatest friend and my greatest healer and my greatest buddy. I go down and I sit and I, I talk and I’m out in nature and just sit in silence and receive.

Just receive, receive, receive the beautiful gifts that she has. And I, I feel blessed every day. Gratitude was probably one of the biggest practices for me because I met a beautiful woman when I had postpartum depression and I was suicidal and I didn’t want to be here. I really didn’t like, I was not allowed to be with my baby on my own.

And. Every single [00:47:00] thought I had was consumed with leaving, like planning it, getting out of here, just wanted out, out now. And I remember this woman said to me, I just want you to start writing down every day what you are doing, three things you’re doing. And I was like, I can’t think of anything that people might say, what do you mean?

You can’t think of anything when you’re in that Really depressed state, like you can barely feed yourself and you can’t get up out of bed. She said to me, just write down. I woke up and I did start doing that. I would write down. I woke up. I fed the baby. I changed the baby’s nappy. I went for a walk and I’ve been keeping a gratitude journal.

That’s 13 years every single day for 13 years. And people say, Oh, you know, would you not give up that practice? I’m like that practice saved my life. Like that practice helps to, now I know from studying in UCLA and doing everything in mindfulness. Now I know what that practice was doing was retraining my brain to start [00:48:00] seeing the good things instead of focusing on the bad.

Like you mentioned earlier, the brain will always do what’s familiar always. But what was familiar to me was depression and sadness and addiction, right? So like to train your brain to be a different way. I am not naive enough to give up my gratitude practice. It’s like stopping, going to the gym and expecting your body to stay toned.

Right. Like six months after it’s like, it’s not going to happen. So for me, I, I know what it’s like to live in a mind that can be really mean and really nasty and not a very nice place to be. Yeah. And so for me, focusing my attention in the morning on things that I love and things that are blessings and the simpler, the better for me is, is one of the greatest practices I have.

Judd Shaw: You know, on, on the conscious awareness, the framework, the idea for me is we’re all wired for connection. If you don’t show up authentically, you can’t connect with yourself and you can’t connect [00:49:00] with others. And first I, I, I get a real deep sense of self connection with yourself and I love that. I wonder, um, tell me about this award winning book, you know, minding mom, it’s time to take care of you.

It sounds like from energy management, which is so super interesting. You now have this award winning book. Is this sort of like putting the oxygen mask on first? Is this where this came from?

Allison Canavan: Yeah. Well, I mean, it actually came from me looking for a book when I was a new mom and couldn’t find a book on moms.

And when I went into Barnes and Nobles in the UK, cause I was working there cause I thought, Ooh, I’ll go to the UK to the big Barnes and Nobles on, um, in London and Oxford street. And they’ll definitely have a book. To tell me that I’m not insane. That’s what I was really looking for, George. I was looking for a book to [00:50:00] tell me that like how I was coping as a new mom was okay.

And so I went into Oxford street and I said to the woman, I’m looking for a book for new moms. And she brought me over to this section with, I mean, thousands of books. Not hundreds. And she was like, there you go. And I’m like, no, a book for me, like, that’s all, that’s all about how to take care of the baby.

How to change the baby, the baby in the first nine days. So it’s like, we, we take care of the mom all the way up to pregnancy. And then we completely fricking abandoned her. And all we just focus on is the baby, like post birth, whereas, oh, and in cultures like Japan and stuff, they have a totally. The other way around, they just focus purely on the mom and they have pretty much no postpartum depression.

Like if you actually look, it’s completely different how they deal with new moms.

Judd Shaw: Fascinating.

Allison Canavan: Ah, it’s, it’s, to me, it was like, you’re treated like this fine china and porcelain all the way up until the day you birth your child. And then after that, it’s like, ah, [00:51:00] you’re not important anymore. And it’s like, if we take care of the mom, the children are fully taken care of.

And it’s actually for me in postpartum that I feel is more important for moms because of the hormonal imbalance than because of the, The, the shift and the change what’s happening physically, mentally, emotionally, and every other way. And I wanted to write a book that was the full 360 on how to take care of yourself post pregnancy.

And I pitched it to so many publishers who were like, that’s ridiculous. If we needed books on moms taking care of themselves, there would be loads out there. And eventually I got this amazing publisher, Gil and Macmillan in Ireland, who the lady Deirdre was pregnant with her second child. And so when I was pitching the book to her, she was like, I understand exactly what you’re talking about.

This is exactly the book I needed on my first child. And the book basically goes through my, you know, dressing post pregnancy. It goes through nutrition, meditation. There’s a chapter on gratitude. It looks at yourself and [00:52:00] your body image. And there’s also a chapter on postpartum depression, and it has the extracts from my jo, my journaling in there.

And I journals during that time, which I actually don’t remember, journaling during that time, my mom was selling our family home in Dublin and she said, is this your journal? And I was reading through it and I was like, oh my God, this is profound. It shows a very, very clear descent into my postpartum depression.

And those extracts are in the book as well. So it’s a, it’s a book for new moms. Yeah.

Judd Shaw: Thank you. I love the real, the raw, the genuineness of it. It’s amazing.

Allison Canavan: And you can’t, it’s interesting because if I was going to write about what that time felt like, I would never have written what’s in that journal.

Judd Shaw: You know.

Before we wrap up, I wanted to ask you, uh, about your stop catch change technique. And the reason being is, is because, you know, in my transformation, I pursued all of these [00:53:00] different kinds of therapies. I was same thing. What is wrong with Judd? Like what’s wrong? I had to find out. And so I went deep and if there was a therapy or modality, I tried it.

And I remember doing a lot of cognitive behavioral therapy and kind of shifting my mindset and the way I look at something. I did DBT, dialectical behavioral therapy. That was really great for my nervous system and learning how to just chill. And, uh, and it didn’t make the problem go away, but I certainly didn’t make the problem worse.

And so when I think about CBT, T, uh, cognitive behavior therapy, uh, and dbt. I also hear a lot about that stop catch change. Maybe that’s a different tell me about that.

Allison Canavan: Yeah. So, uh, stop catch change actually came. Long before I did any study, which is really interesting, I was in the car, James was a baby, and it was literally like [00:54:00] my mind again going into story, you know, doing the same kind of playing the same tricks on me, you know, everything’s like really horrible.

You’re horrible. And I just went, my, my hand went up and I went, stop, stop. This has to stop. You have to catch the thought, behavior, emotion, and change it. And I literally started using stop, catch, change. I used to do it with my hand in the car. I’m sure people who were driving by me used to think, who is that crazy lady?

I used to be like, put my hand up as a form of interrupting the pattern. I now know from studying this for years that it’s actually a neuroscience technique, which I did not know 13 years ago when I was doing it. Um, the stop interrupts the brain pattern. You’re actually saying no more stop because like you said, our brain, it’s like your brain pathway would just go the familiar route, the familiar route, the familiar route.

So the stop is actually saying, uh, we’re not going the familiar route anymore. So it actually brings awareness, conscious awareness into the moment. And then you say, I’m going to, I’m going to catch this thought behavior or emotion. [00:55:00] And change it to one that’s going to serve me better. I use stop, catch, change to, for all my habits.

I’m constantly using stop, catch, change. I’ve had people email me over the years to stop drinking, to stop smoking, to stop, you know, like pressing the snooze button in the morning. I say it has to happen within those few seconds of stop, catch, change. Now the catch change is where you have to do it really quickly.

Because if you don’t make the catch change, like if you’re gonna catch it and then you’re gonna think about it for a while, it has to be, there has to be momentum behind it. So stop, catch, change for me became a little mantra that I would use constantly. If I felt myself going into story, if I started down a no path, if I was about to do something I usually do, I just go stop, catch, change.

Change. And it just became this, it took off in Ireland. When I brought out my book, it just became the stop catch change technique that everybody started using and it works. It works because you’re interrupting the brain pattern and the more you interrupt it [00:56:00] and the easier it’s going to be to, to stay on track.

Judd Shaw: You are an absolutely beautiful human being inside and out. You’re so genuine and authentic. You have so much to offer in both your mindfulness. techniques and your coaching and your mental health background, you know, people who may be feeling stuck, people who are thriving, but can’t figure out how to break the plateau and do new moms, you know, people with substance abuse backgrounds and go, I mean, they, you know, there’s a huge world of human connection that can resonate with you.

And I know that you’re doing a ton of great work. How can people reach out to you if they want to get in touch with you, Allie?

Allison Canavan: Yeah. Before I say that, I just want to say, likewise, Joe, thank you for the work you’re doing in the world and bringing forth because it’s really important and for you shining your light.

Um, and people can find me on my website, Alison Canavan. com. And I do most of my stuff on Instagram at Alison Canavan wellness.

Judd Shaw: And that’s a L I S O. N.

Allison Canavan: Yes, we’re now.

Judd Shaw: There [00:57:00] you

Allison Canavan: go.

Judd Shaw: Uh, I want to end with this. Uh, I always like to ask is how do you best authentically connect with yourself,

Allison Canavan: space, stillness, and silence.

Judd Shaw: Tell me about that.

Allison Canavan: The three S’s. I always say space, stillness, and silence. Um, connection comes when we give ourselves space. When we enter stillness and we allow ourselves to be in silence, there is no other way.

Judd Shaw: Hallie, thank you so very much for coming on the show and sharing your background, your story and your strength.

I’m so appreciative of you today. Thank

Allison Canavan: you so much.

Judd Shaw: I want to extend my deepest gratitude to you. to you. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please follow us on your favorite platform or share this episode with a friend. You can also follow me on Instagram at Judge Shaw Official. A special thank you to personal injury law firm, Judge Shaw Injury Law for their support in helping us bring this podcast to [00:58:00] life.

Remember friends, authenticity isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being real. It’s about embracing our vulnerabilities, celebrating our strengths. And owning our stories. Until next time.