Identity Alchemist with Nick Onken

Judd Shaw: Welcome to Behind the Armor, where we deep dive into the heart of what matters. I’m your host, Judd Shaw, adventurer, storyteller, agent of change, and speaker on authenticity and human connection. Join me as we explore the complexities of human connection featuring theorists, scientists, and speakers.

Judd Shaw: Our mission is simple. To inspire you to reclaim your true self and create genuine connections with others. Join me as we laid out our armor and live authentically. Hello, you beautiful people. And thank you for tuning in today. We’re talking with Nick Anken, a creative alchemist, internationally renowned celebrity photographer, fashion designer.

Judd Shaw: personal development mentor, podcast host of his own, and well, so much more. Nick’s mission is to help capture your greatness and then help you show up in the world as your authentic self. [00:01:00] Learn how to build and level up your own authentic brand using Nick’s identity alchemy process. Let’s uncover what’s behind the armor with Nick.

Judd Shaw: Nick Onken, thank you so much for being on the show, my friend.

Nick Onken: Thanks for having me.

Judd Shaw: You know, podcast, author, fashion accessory maker, through Onken Made in Hats, and DJing, and silk scarves, which I’ve been a A great, uh, receiver of one. And I feel so blessed to have one of your scars, but you know, you just do so much and you remind me of a lava lamp, you know, the other day I was thinking about this and it’s like forever, you know, growing and changing organically and colorful and mindful and beautiful.

Judd Shaw: And I just kind of see you like a, like a lava lamp, but you just continuing [00:02:00] doing so many amazing things.

Speaker 3: That’s such a great analogy. Thanks. Thanks for that one.

Judd Shaw: You know, your mission is as a creative alchemist is to help people play in an elevated space, right? Um, and by doing so they show up as their authentic self in the world, professionally and personally.

Judd Shaw: And that so resonates because as you know, my mission is to empower people to show up as their truest selves, connect authentically with others and thrive in that process. And so between your mission and mine, I think it’s going to make a beautiful conversation. And I just want to thank you for being on the show.

Judd Shaw: I am so grateful for having you on. I am so thankful for your love, your support and your guidance. Thanks so much, Nick.

Nick Onken: [00:03:00] Yeah, thank you. Let’s chat. Let’s go.

Judd Shaw: As a creative alchemist, let’s go. Tell me, what is that?

Nick Onken: What’s let’s go or what is a creative alchemist?

Judd Shaw: What’s a creative alchemist?

Nick Onken: You know, so I came down with this, this, this idea of, of creative alchemist through my own identity alchemy process of like, of honing into my own personal brand.

Nick Onken: And a few years ago, I was like, how do I encapsulate everything that I do into a single line or a, a like catch? Catchphrase or, or what it is, you know, we’ve had these conversations about what is your brand message? Like, what are you sharing with the world? And, you know, for me, it came down to like, okay, I do all these different things that are creative, different creative outlets, photography, hat making, jewelry, making DJing, podcasting, writing all these different things.

Nick Onken: And I was like, how do I even like, What do I even call that? Cause I’m [00:04:00] not just a photographer, not just a hat maker. And so I came up with the idea of creative alchemist and, you know, alchemy is the idea of transmuting one thing into another. You can transmute energy into, you can, you can move with energy.

Nick Onken: Like you can transmute. Negative emotions to positive emotions, um, transit, transmute your frequency. So nothing has ever stopped. It’s just always transmuted and Shane changed and shifted. And so creative alchemy really is that you’re, you know, I’m alchemized so many different things creatively in to my own output into the world.

Nick Onken: And so that’s, that’s generally, that’s, that’s kind of the gist of where. Creative alchemist came from,

Judd Shaw: and a big part of how you do that is through photography, right? And identity alchemy, um, these sort of like two canisters. And I [00:05:00] wanted to talk to you first about Um, I was, uh, blessed enough to have you on one side of that lens, uh, taking photos for my brand.

Judd Shaw: Uh, you’ve been a, uh, brand photographer for, uh, Many people, Jessica Alba, right? Chance, the rapper, Justin Bieber, Louis hose, Gabby Bernstein, usher companies like aviator and jockey. And I mean, the list goes on a real celebrity photographer. And, uh, so blessed that, uh, I was able to. Um, be on, on that side of the camera when you helped me develop my brand through that photography.

Judd Shaw: And I want to ask you, like, how did you get into photography?

Nick Onken: Yeah, photography has been my previous career. It’s my second career. My first career was as a graphic designer, which is what I went to school for. And they [00:06:00] really go hand in hand, you know, like I actually took, um, took a photography class in high school cause I was in the AP art and we had to take a class of every discipline.

Nick Onken: So we took painting, drawing and painting, um, You know, sculptor design, you know, and this is before this is before computers really got into like, where you could actually use them. It was like graphic arts at this point. And then right around the time I graduated high school is when computers started to.

Nick Onken: Perform in a way that like was useful to you could design with them. And, you know, so I decided to become a graphic designer. That was what I, that was my first career. That’s what I had to school for. And I went to, when I went to college, there was, I had to take a photography class again for the design course.

Nick Onken: And so. Photography course. I never really thought anything of it. I just, I was always on the track to be a graphic designer. And so I went to, um, [00:07:00] yeah, I did that. I did the, I did graphic design in high school and in the college and college, and then got a job doing graphic design and design book covers for a little while.

Nick Onken: And then, uh, went freelance and then. A few years later, when digital photography got good enough to use on the on the computer, like you could actually use the files. I mean, this is like the rise, the rise of digital technology and photography. So, you know, back then it was everyone was still shooting film and It was just starting to make the transition.

Nick Onken: I ended up buying it, uh, buying a camera, like a glorified point and shoot camera for my, uh, graphic design work. And then started just shooting random photos to use in my design work. And then ended up convincing a nonprofit design client of mine to split the expenses on a trip to Africa to build them a photo library.

Nick Onken: And Um, yeah, it was my first overseas trip. So I went to [00:08:00] Zimbabwe, Uganda, Kenya, and Burundi, and it was life changing in two different ways. It was, you know, the first way was opening my eyes to the world of, of, you know, poverty and a space where people don’t have anything yet. They’ll give you the shirts off their back, you know, they’re so happy with nothing.

Nick Onken: Um, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, And, you know, they’re brushing the, they’re sweeping the dirt off their dirt floors is, is really what I experienced down there. And it’s such an interesting paradigm and it really kind of. shifted the way that I see the world. So it was always been like, uh, um, I’ve always had giving back as part of my, my own business and brand and, and ethos.

Nick Onken: And so that was the big, one of the big things. And the other thing was photography. Like I didn’t even know what I was doing. I was literally just took a risk and like went there and took my camera and asked questions. I like found another photographer who was, [00:09:00] who did some of that stuff and got some advice from him and.

Nick Onken: Just kind of fumbled my way through it, you know, and I look back at some of those photos. And most of those photos are just not good, but it was, it was the kickstart of, of how I got interested in photography. And I got back and I was like, I could really see doing this as a, as a career, or I could just see doing more of this.

Nick Onken: I didn’t even know it was a career. I didn’t even know it was a business. And then I connected with another photographer out of Seattle and he kind of, I started working with him and he opened my eyes to the world of photography and how it was a business and how you could create a business out of it.

Nick Onken: And I just started like, I just like found a passion for it and I started breaking down other people’s, you know, I started looking at commercial photographers work and breaking it down and seeing like, Oh, I want to do this. And so I started shooting models and I started doing, you know, I started shooting my friends and I started shooting models.

Nick Onken: And then it just kind of like. grew and grew and grew. And, and, you know, there’s, there’s a whole, it’s a whole arc to it, but yeah, I, one of my first big jobs was for Nike [00:10:00] shooting these pro football and baseball players. I didn’t even know who they were, but they were some of the biggest in the, in the game.

Nick Onken: And that was the first kickoff into the world of commercial photography for me.

Judd Shaw: It’s amazing. And so many different genres, at least the way I look at it from, from, from, What you do in photography, meaning, you know, you’re, you’re doing brand shooting, you’ll do head shots, but very unique you’ll do corporate, but their commission and usually for a certain line, right.

Judd Shaw: Or, you know, you’re, you’re, you’re asked to be. You bringing out the vibe and energy and matching that, um, I mean, with so many different places in the world that you’ve shot and so many different, uh, you know, people and things. Is there anything that stands out as really a memorable shot for you?

Nick Onken: I mean, I always go back to this shot of this Grammy and granny in Cuba.

Nick Onken: It’s one of my favorite shots. This is [00:11:00] like, she was smoking a cigar and just like the look on her face was just so I mean, there’s so many stories on her face and the way she had this like yellow do rag and just had this like attitude. And she was like 90 years old, right? Like she just had this gangster look on her face and smoking a cigar.

Nick Onken: That was what, it’s still one of my favorite photos that I’ve taken, but you know, you go back to like, I’ve photographed so many different things and cars and people, and, you know, primarily people is my focus. Um, but as a, as an artist and a photographer, you really, it’s all about building. A style that people like, and that comes through like how you interact with the talent, how, how you see the coloring, everything plays into your style.

Nick Onken: And then that’s why people come to you. Right. So, I mean, I could be shooting Justin Bieber or I can be shooting like kids in Africa, or I can be shooting granny, granny in Cuba or Tibetan pilgrims in Tibet. And [00:12:00] it’s all like, I create, like I’ve created like an aesthetic that people love. And so people come to me and, and they hire me for that.

Judd Shaw: As a creative alchemist using photography, how do you help develop people’s authenticity?

Nick Onken: Yeah, I mean, I think for me, I’ve always had a really natural way of capturing people’s essence. And I didn’t even, not even necessarily intentionally. It’s always been just like, Oh, it’s the way that I interact with people.

Nick Onken: It’s the way that make people feel safe and comfortable. And on, uh, you know, when I’m working with them, so identity alchemy also really came through my own process, my own personal development process over the last like 10 years, probably, you know, going through dark nights of the soul myself, and, you know, really realizing.

Nick Onken: having shifts in my own ways of thinking and my own, you know, and going [00:13:00] down a deeper, more spiritual path. Um, identity alchemy really is a process. It’s deconstruct, curate and become. And it’s a process that I’ve used for the last 10 years, just in my own life. And then I kind of really over the last few years identified it and articulated it as the As identity alchemy, because we’re always constantly, if we’re entrepreneurs, we’re always growing and we’re learning and we’re adopting new things, right?

Nick Onken: We’re deconstructing who we’ve been, you know, what, who we, you know, curating who we want to be and then becoming that. And so that’s the idea is the alchemy is within the alchemy is alchemizing who you are with what you’re putting out into the world. So identity alchemy, I, I really. Utilize it in the personal brand space.

Nick Onken: Um, but it really is a, uh, a self mastery or a personal development container. And as it relates to what you’re putting out into the world, because when what you’re putting out into the world is congruent with who you are, [00:14:00] that’s where the authenticity comes in. You know, it’s like when people say, Oh, you like, they meet you in person and they’re like, Oh, you’re just like your Instagram.

Nick Onken: Well, that’s like, that’s like, that should be a good compliment. Cause there’s a lot of times you meet people that are like, You know, complete assholes, um, but on their social media, it’s all love and light or whatever, right? Like whatever that looks like. And we all have our days, but like, But their

Judd Shaw: personas aren’t matching up with the brand that they have curated.

Judd Shaw: Yeah. The person, their core, their authentic self. Yeah,

Nick Onken: exactly. There’s a huge gap between the person and the persona that they’ve created, especially people that have become really big, right. They’ve, they’ve created this persona that they have to live up to and it’s not necessarily who they are and it can be really hard to alchemize.

Nick Onken: I’ve heard some really tragic stories around this. Um, but yeah, I mean, being authentic really comes. It goes on so many, so many deeper levels. And this is where the personal development side comes in is like really diving deep into who you are so that you can excavate that [00:15:00] into a brand, like who you are, just being in the world and who you’re being becomes your brand.

Nick Onken: And then capturing that, who you’re being in a natural state is your personal brand. And when, when it goes into like the digital, digital world, digital, and I guess still print while it still exists.

Judd Shaw: You know, and I want to break that down because. Nick, I mean, you’re a magician at this, really. You’re really incredible at it.

Judd Shaw: And I want to break that down for, for the listeners, because identity alchemy in this sort of like, as we say, playing an elevated space. higher frequency, strong energy, and coming from a place where you are helping a person develop or create the best version of themselves and showing up that way. And it’s been impactful in my life.

Judd Shaw: I am intentional about that. I’m all about the power of authenticity. It’s the core to my [00:16:00] brand mission as well. And I wanted to go through those three steps just so our listeners get a better understanding of what that means. And it’s kind of like getting in touch, at least my experience with your core self.

Judd Shaw: And once you can tap into your real core self, the genuine, true version that, that, that tickles you. That, that. That, you know, you, you just know when you’re on purpose and, and, and gives deep, joyful meaning in your life. Right. And, and how to get there. And a lot of journeys are different, but for you, you have a framework and that framework is like three steps, right?

Judd Shaw: And the first one, deconstruction. Can you tell me how do we deconstruct ourselves before we can show up as our best version? Right. Right.

Nick Onken: Yeah, I mean, that’s the deconstruct can go layers and layers deep, but I think the first question you can ask yourself is who, who am I really like deconstruct your, [00:17:00] your, um, adopted identity.

Nick Onken: You know, we talked about this a little bit where you, you deconstruct like the identity that you were told to be growing up. Because, you know, we all had to fit in some sort of box, you know, that our parents taught us to be might not have been our, our natural giftings. It could have been, you know, like, for me, it was Christianity.

Nick Onken: And I don’t identify with that. You know, like, I always tried to, but I never really felt in my soul that that was true for me. But yet I was told to be Growing up, I told that that was the only way, um, to live. And so I had to like, there was a huge deconstruction of, of that for me. And that took years. I, I started that journey when I was 21 and it took me seven years to really let go of that identity and like, let go of the fear of going to hell.

Nick Onken: And, you know, that was just just for an example, right? Because like, we, we get so stuck, like, look at [00:18:00] identity politics, you know, what deconstruct your identity and what you’re what you’re believing in, what you’re attaching to, because, um, you know, you can, that’s like, just a place to start and then deconstructing, you know, what are your friends and society tell you who you had to be?

Nick Onken: Um, who did, you know, what did, you know, Your family, they tell you who would like, or who, like what persona have you created? Who have you told you you needed to be that you don’t feel like you are anymore. So that’s kind of your adopted identity and goes deeper than that, of course. And then your natural identity start deconstructing that.

Nick Onken: Like, what is it? Who are you? Like, what do you love? What are your values? What do you believe in? You know, what do you want to believe in? Who do you want to become? I think that’s a good place to start, um, in the process.

Judd Shaw: And I loved about in that process, I found it actually to be, um, not only entertain fun, I enjoyed it because part of that was like, I saw it as two buckets, [00:19:00] right?

Judd Shaw: Was the first one is shedding these narratives, these long beliefs that I’ve told myself for so many years. That have become my narratives become my beliefs and shedding those and going, are these really my beliefs? Are these some other belief that I have been telling myself either because somebody else has told me or because what I think what people are telling me, right?

Judd Shaw: And then the second part is once I shed this sort of version is. Creatively, artfully, beautifully say, what is it that I want to be? What do I want to believe in? What do I want to do? What, uh, and what I found about that was Nick for me is I didn’t necessarily have to believe it. I didn’t have to be that today.

Judd Shaw: That was the, that was the grace. That was the compassion. That was the self love. I gave myself in that version to say, I want to be like this. I know right now I’m really not, but I’ve always admired to be that way. And so I’m going to deconstruct the [00:20:00] narratives and beliefs that say that I can’t be that person.

Judd Shaw: And now I’m going to write it on this thing of who I want to be. I’m going to list that as being one of those values that I want to attribute to.

Nick Onken: Yeah, absolutely. And like, what’s the fear that holds you back from believing the thing that you actually want to believe or be, you know, that’s probably the bigger question that start deconstructing is what are the fears that you have around like being your true self?

Nick Onken: And this is an ongoing process. I mean, I’m still deconstructing layers and layers and layers. And, you know, it’s always going to be a process. Like, you’re never going to like, Arrive necessarily one day, you’re just going to learn and deconstruct layers of whatever fear identity that you want to shift and change to ultimately live a more fulfilled life.

Judd Shaw: You know, I, I love that so much because that is that soft, sweet, patient, caring and compassionate reminder that it is [00:21:00] not a destination, right? That I can deconstruct at some point, either part of my professional or part of my personal life. I can then construct that and curate it. But now I can go on to this other version, the version of how I show up in the community at home, in my relationships, at work, in, in love, in spirit.

Judd Shaw: Right. And so it’s, it’s important for everyone to hear that this is not the three step and you’re the best version. That best version can get better every day.

Nick Onken: Yeah, exactly. And you’re, and that’s the process, right? Like you can always learn how to show up in a different way. And show up in a better way than you showed up the day before, you know, we’re all human and we’re all like growing and I think, you know, we can choose to show up better and choose to show up better.

Judd Shaw: Once you deconstruct and break down that self, tell me about the reconstructing part in which we now talk about. Start to talk [00:22:00] about building that version, uh, of ourselves that we want to, you know, become.

Nick Onken: Yeah. I would say like the, so the second step is curate. And so curating is like, you know, what do you, what do you, like, are you curating a museum or you’re, I always say you’re curating your life constantly.

Nick Onken: And I love curating things and, and like from art and beauty, everything my whole life is, is curated in a certain sense. Like you curate your group of friends, you curate. You know, you carry your house, you know, I’m a big believer in curating the way like the aesthetics of your house so that it inspires you to do something to be for me.

Nick Onken: It’s like my, my, I designed my space. So it inspires me to be creative. Right? So the idea of curation, like, how can you curate your identity? To catapult you to the next phase of, of life, the next version of you. Um, and what does that look like? What attributes are you, do you want to [00:23:00] curate into becoming, right?

Nick Onken: Like, do you want to be more, maybe it’s more, I want to be more generous in giving, or maybe I want to be, be more love, or I want to be, um, You know, whatever that is, like, think about how, you know, what, what things you want to curate into your life? Who do you want to become? Do you want to become more fit?

Nick Onken: Do you want to become more spiritual? Do you want like where, like, it’s really curation is about being intentional about what you’re putting into your life, being intentional about what are your, what you’re putting into the frame. And, and I think deconstruction is, is stepping back so that you can see the things that you want to curate into the next.

Nick Onken: It resonates

Judd Shaw: so deeply with me, Nick, because I, and I was hearing intentionality throughout it when you’re describing fixing, you know, your, your home to, uh, drive Cree creativity for you. And, and that’s what I think about. Um, In this, in the curating for, you know, for [00:24:00] people who are trying to understand what or how long that may be for me, my experience was really being intentional about how do I want to show up today?

Judd Shaw: How do I want to show up in all these places where I live, work, love, and play? And being intentional about that, and by doing that, I then assure that I don’t fall back to that subconscious, that a year later, my story hasn’t really changed. My brand has gone back to what it once was, maybe, you know, and I, and I think intentionality, uh, takes mindfulness and takes effort.

Judd Shaw: But when you, when you are really proactive about your story, your own, you’re, you’re right in your life story. And when you’re. intentional about it. I think it’s, I think you start to, you really thrive.

Nick Onken: Yeah, absolutely. You know, and your, your personal brand is your, is essentially it’s your reputation of how you, you interact in the world.

Nick Onken: So if you’re curating a new version of [00:25:00] yourself so that your reputation precedes you on a different level, that’s a whole other thing, right? You can intentionally curation is intention of, of what you’re putting in. And so like, even when it gets to creating a photograph, right? Like You know, you basically curate what you want in the photograph.

Nick Onken: Like the whole photograph is just taking a photo. There’s like, what am I putting into the photo? Like, what’s the location? What’s the talent, what’s the wardrobe, what’s the hair and makeup. What’s the, you know, what is, what are these things that I’m putting into the photo intentionally? Um, so the idea of like, it’s almost like you’re curating your life.

Nick Onken: As a photo or as a, you’re the director of your life, right? Like you’re, if you’re the director, you’re curating what you want, the story that you want, writing your own story. Um, you know, there was a book I just talked about today on a, I’m doing a social media post, Donald Miller. It’s the story, like the story brand and building your story.

Nick Onken: Like, [00:26:00] how are you telling your story? How are you curating the story that you want to tell? So curation can happen in so many different ways, but, um, yeah, it’s like you can curate every aspect of your life and when you’re designing your life, you know, capturing in the, in the becoming stage, when you become this identity.

Nick Onken: You’re really just like for the world, you’re capturing who you are essentially, which creates the authenticity.

Judd Shaw: What, what happens now once we’ve deconstructed and you’ve gone to that reconstructing or the curating side, what’s, what’s the next thing for anyone who’s, who’s looking more into that identity alchemy?

Judd Shaw: What’s that next step look like?

Nick Onken: Well, the next step is becoming or become, um, And it’s like the liberation stage of things, but becoming is really, you know, you’re heard B do have. So if you be, then you do from that being, [00:27:00] and then you have the results of that. And so really, it’s stepping into the B is stepping into that.

Nick Onken: New version of yourself, the, the version that you curated, you know, and I think the curation in, in, in one of the stuff, the identity alchemy that I teach to like the curation kind of moves into the visual side as well. And we’re talking about that, that kind of stuff. Um, but the becoming there’s two pieces of it.

Nick Onken: There’s like the actual being, like, who are you being in the world? Like, are you being your brand? Like, if you’re out at a party, are you being who you are? Just being who you are in real life, right? And then creating assets around that is like capturing that, like I’ve been, you know, you look at, I always use this, this, uh, this Instagram account as an example, influencers in the wild.

Nick Onken: I don’t know if you’ve ever seen that, but it’s, it’s horribly disgusting. Um, but it’s, it’s hilarious because it’s basically like this. influencer, this account that makes fun of influencers [00:28:00] doing stupid shit out in the world, like filming themselves in the most ridiculous ways. And you can see like, wow, people just do this stuff for attention for like, and it’s not even necessarily who they are.

Nick Onken: And it’s just like, you know, booty dancing and, and twerking and all these things out in public places. And, um, that world does exist out there. I forget about it, but you know, how it’s like, who are you? The authenticity, where, where is what you’re putting out into the world, matching who you are, you know, is what you’re talking.

Nick Onken: Do you live what you talk about? Like, are you being what you’re putting out into the world on an every day? And then every day.

Judd Shaw: Would your identity alchemy process be summed up, at least from what I hear? For me, it sounds like a real compass towards authenticity. It’s sort of like breaking down the beliefs that aren’t really ours anymore, understanding what, what we really believe in, what we’re thinking, intentionality about [00:29:00] what our best version would feel like.

Judd Shaw: Um, both with meaning and purpose and joy connection, right? And then learning how to show up that way. And then once you really dialed that in, then it sounds like whether you’re at a friend’s party at a social event in a photo, uh, at a work meeting at home at dinner, that version is consistent.

Nick Onken: Yeah,

Judd Shaw: it’s the same version, but just in different vibes or different environments.

Judd Shaw: And so therefore you have now really, uh, most connected with your authentic self, because that’s how you’re showing up in the, in three 60 in the world around you.

Nick Onken: Yeah, absolutely. And like embodiment is so key too, right? Like you can curate something, but if, you know, the becoming piece is really the, the true.

Nick Onken: It’s, it’s the true embodiment, you know, and I, it’s interesting [00:30:00] embodiment takes a lot of work and a lot of practice and it takes practice being in your body. Actually, um, it was real. I just went on this retreat to Peru and, um, My mentor, Juanpa, he, him and Regan, his wife, they like curated and like led the retreat.

Nick Onken: And it was really amazing to see how embodied they are in their own work and what they teach, right? Like they, they practice this every day. They, they, They live it. And it was, there was no gap in between who they are and what they put out there online and what they talk about. Um, and I’m realizing how much work it takes to close that gap because we all have these, you know, I’ve gone through it myself where it’s like, I learned about this thing called confluence.

Nick Onken: Um, we talked about it a little bit before, but confluence is basically when you are [00:31:00] compromising your own truth to keep. or keep a relationship intact, um, and not, and to avoid conflict. And I’ve done that a lot in my life because that’s how I grew up. That’s what I watched my parents do. And it’s confluence is a deeper level of where your Your subconscious will actually trick you to believe something else so that you can believe this other thing and keep that piece or keep that confluence, like keep the, yeah, keep it easy.

Nick Onken: Right. Um, and so like there become, like when you’re, when you’re in confluence, you’re actually being incongruent and inauthentic with who you are. Um, so really it’s like the first, that first piece is like the awareness of that. And then how many layers deep can you go Of, of awareness to understand what you’re even doing.

Nick Onken: And I’m just like, this is like a concept that I’ve [00:32:00] just learned recently. So I’ve been like diving deeper into my own layers of self expression. Like what, how does that keep you from the self expression? Because like the becoming piece is the self expressed piece. Like what’s holding you back from your full self expression.

Nick Onken: And on the other side, you know, there’s like, you can. Fully expressed with inauthenticity as well. Like it’s, it becomes performative and I also witnessed this recently. And so like witnessing that and then witnessing those guys and seeing like the difference between embodiment and, or, and then the other, and just being when somebody is being there a magnet, when somebody is like trying and doing things out of performative.

Nick Onken: Aspects that there’s something that feels inauthentic about that, and it feels incongruent. And so I think the idea is like, really get underneath the hood and find out where, where that line is between performance and embodiment is.

Judd Shaw: I love that beautiful [00:33:00] explanation. It really is. It just, that gap between, uh, not genuine.

Judd Shaw: Whether you’re close and true authenticity, it’s like showing up, you know, mind, body and soul.

Nick Onken: Yeah.

Judd Shaw: In that best version of yourself.

Nick Onken: Absolutely. And the idea of confluence is interesting because we can think that we’re being authentic, but we actually aren’t because our subconscious has tricked us into thinking that we are.

Nick Onken: And because it’s like our subconscious is the one that is the piece that’s like trying to like feel loved or be seen. And so it will compromise its own values to. Create almost a fake authenticity,

Judd Shaw: right? Your brain wants to do, go back to what it knows and what’s comfortable, even though if it’s not your best version or best for you, how do you, how do you know, Nick, what’s, what are some signs in confluence where, you know, [00:34:00] how do you, that’s, where do you know when you’re masking up maybe, and you’re coming like, Hey.

Judd Shaw: This is me. And now it’s not.

Nick Onken: Yeah, I think that comes down to a deep intuition and unknowing, right? It’s like, A, becoming aware that you could be even doing this. And then B, in your interactions or what you’re putting out into the world, what are you putting out there that may not necessarily feel congruent with what you’re actually feeling or who you are or what your truth is?

Nick Onken: Like, what is your actual truth in the moment? Is that, you know, and that might take just some like deeper, Like deeper thinking and deeper evaluation of like, Oh, am I doing this for, you know, it’s a, it could even go out into like the performative aspect, right? Am I doing this for the camera or am I doing it?

Nick Onken: Because this is what I truly, truly believe, you know, it’s, it’s kind of asking yourself that question and deep awareness around whatever it is that you’re doing [00:35:00] or saying or interacting with another person. Like, are you being truthful in the moment? Or are you, um, you know, are you, are you complying or, or just like saying that to like saying something to like, keep the peace,

Judd Shaw: you know, that it just so resonates, uh, for me, because I know that it takes a lot of work and.

Judd Shaw: For my framework, I developed the Connection Cure, Cure meaning C U R E, Conscious Awareness, Understanding, Renewing, Expanding, and I agree with you because for me, that first thing was the Conscious Awareness. You have to have the awareness that you may not be showing up as your most true self. Where is, you know, It that you may be wearing a mask, is it appropriate such as for your own safety or you’re just getting your ability to just show up or are you doing it out of guilt or shame or trying to fit [00:36:00] in and really having awareness of that and then deepening the understanding of why authenticity matters.

Judd Shaw: Is a power why showing up as your most genuine self, uh, Will help you thrive and then once you have that understanding you can go out and renew those connections first with yourself And then with others and so I get that and I wanted to ask you, uh, Because I know you did grow up a christian man, but you’re very spiritual.

Judd Shaw: Uh, deeply a spiritual man um You know, I loved how you pointed out that on this photo shoot in Africa, uh, they were sweeping the dirt off their mud floors, right? And what I had thought about, what I heard is the joy in nothingness, like, you know, that, that simplicity part. And so I wanted to ask you, how did your, Your spiritual journey come [00:37:00] for you.

Judd Shaw: I know you mentioned you’re in Peru. I, I think you were on a retreat there, uh, recently. And, uh, I don’t know. I don’t think your house is burning down, but it looks like maybe you got some copal going or, or a little creative smoke and a little, I feel the energy on my mic, it’s coming through. Uh, tell me about your spirituality.

Nick Onken: Yeah, I mean, I definitely would say, like, I feel closer to the God than I ever did when I was a Christian. Um, I feel like Christianity or religion in general is a construct that is, is made for power and control driven through the greatest, one of the greatest brands ever made. You know, it’s like the greatest stories ever told, you know, created a brand that people believe in and people believe it to a point where they, like, for me, I had to, you know, I was so scared of going to hell that I believed it.

Nick Onken: I tried to believe it. I didn’t really actually believe it. I tried to make myself believe it out of confluence, [00:38:00] really. Um, Because I was, the fear was so big that I couldn’t let go of it. And then for me, it was like years and years of just deconstructing and having conversations around like philosophy, like philosophical conversations and others, like realms of spiritual spirituality.

Nick Onken: And then I kind of like was super anti. Christianity or religion. And then, and I just kind of like pushed it to the side and like lived my life and I was living my life out of, you know, full ego when I was really doing like a lot of commercial photography work. And then I went through my own dark night of the soul when my business started slowing down after the rise of social media, the whole industry shifted.

Nick Onken: So for me, like, and then my business slowed down and then I, my, my whole world Like, I was in an emotional turmoil because like, I didn’t know who I was without my business and my business of like, who I was shooting, what I was shooting, the big brands and everything. And so that dark night of the soul [00:39:00] really pushed me into a place of questioning everything.

Nick Onken: Um, and this was like the first iteration of it, the more like the conscious, the thinking. The 5 percent conscious mind and my buddy Lewis has got me into this, this program called MITT, like this emotional intelligence and leadership training out in LA. And this is like the first shift in paradigm for me in terms of like my own, um, framework of how I saw the world and like with like limiting beliefs and like starting to deconstruct thought processes and things that I grew up with.

Nick Onken: And how they related to me today. And, and that’s where I discovered my fear of judgment that I had my whole life because the way that my dad showed up to me, so I think there’s been many layers to my own spirituality and I would say it was less spiritual and more cognitive at this point. And then a few years later, you know, then I started my podcast, whole kind of had all different lease on life and just what I was doing.

Nick Onken: And then I went through a relationship. [00:40:00] And then, uh, broke up, we broke up, this is like a few years ago and like had a really deep, deeper dark night of the soul. After that, I was like, in the space of like questioning, like, what was the point of anything? You know, I never would say I was like suicidal, but in the sense of like, you know, all this is made up.

Nick Onken: We’re literally just like moving through this world, like making up and making up any sort of meaning. I don’t know if you’ve read, uh, Viktor Frankl, um, man search for meaning, but like everything is like, It’s only the meaning that we give to it. So I was in this like deeper space of questioning of like, what’s the point?

Nick Onken: And then I started, that was, I did my first five MEO DMT. That was my first psychedelic that I ever did. And this just blasted me off into like the outer reaches of consciousness. And I was like, If this exists, then really what’s the, what are we actually doing down here? What’s the point? And so it just sent me into a deeper dark night of the soul of more questioning.

Nick Onken: And [00:41:00] it was just like an, every day I was like every day in deep question. I was like, just one step ahead, one step forward, one step forward. Even though I, it took me months before I actually felt like I was making any progress and. And then I discovered breath work and breath work was a huge, um, component of bringing me back to life.

Nick Onken: I would, in the, in that sense, like, it started bringing me back. Like, I was able to utilize breath and hit similar spaces as the DMT. I was like, Oh, so like, you know, you don’t need like, You don’t need the medicines to get you there. You can get there with breath. Like breath is a medicine. And breath work has been the really big thing that brought me back.

Nick Onken: And then I started now trying out different light shard mushrooms. And I started going down that rabbit hole. Um, and yeah, I would say like psychedelics have really, really taken me to a deeper, deeper space of, of my own spirituality, [00:42:00] like most profound, Mystical experiences with mushrooms and, you know, ayahuasca and like all these different medicines.

Nick Onken: Um, and it’s just taking me deeper and deeper and deeper. And, you know, even my relationship to death, my mom passed a couple of years ago and having had done psychedelics and having, having had done gone through ego deaths on mushrooms multiple times. Really, yeah. It just made this interesting and different connection when my mom passed, it was like I knew where she was going and I had been there already, um, in a certain sense.

Nick Onken: And so, you know, it’s shifted my, my relationship with a lot of different things. And so it’s just like, it’s especially like the deeper connection to, you know, Source or God or whatever you want to call the bigger the bigger entity that that is out there that propels us all forward So that’s kind of been where you know And then I the deeper I go on with plant [00:43:00] medicine the more I learn and the more I realize like how much You know, you bring it back to identity alchemy like identity is is just It’s just a way of operating in this human world, right?

Nick Onken: Like, we are not our bodies, we are not our humans, but we get to operate this human and create the identity of the human and then alchemize that identity and like let go of the attachment to the traumas and the things that we’re attached to. Um, and I found psychedelics have helped with that a lot.

Judd Shaw: And that’s a kind of a great analogy in the sense to how.

Judd Shaw: You approached identity alchemy in a way because, right, you deconstructed a religious aspect that had been narrative and belief. You had determined that spirituality drives your creativity. It connects deeply with you inward, um, feels obviously very authentic. And then now through [00:44:00] whether it be, you know, Ankin made hats, which are incredible, um, You know, you’re DJing now, vibing and creating some music and going down that path.

Judd Shaw: Um, you know, your podcast, your photography, all of these things are in a sense your spirituality shows through to you. As well, right? That, that’s the point that it’s mind, body and soul. It’s the Nick Onkin that you see is the same one you see when he’s making a hat, shooting a photography, uh, commission for some company, or even doing his own podcast.

Nick Onken: Yeah, exactly. It’s all expression, right? Like, and the more we tap into that creative flow, the more we express and like, we’re born creators, you know, everybody’s art is different. You know, some people’s art might be a business, some people’s art. And it doesn’t have to, doesn’t have to be a full time job either.

Nick Onken: Like your art could be. Certain things that you do on the [00:45:00] side. Um, I think that the important thing is, is like, where are you expressing that? You know, to go back as just another point of deconstruction for me, deconstructing that my self worth was coming from my photography career shifted my whole life, just even knowing that.

Nick Onken: whole thing. Um, because it’s like, why am I feeling so awful? Because like, I am associating that, like, I am only worth something if I’m shooting this person or doing this. Um, you know, in the first space is awareness to be even be aware of that. Thought. So deconstructing can take, I mean, you can go super deep and you can take different, there’s different things like the MIT course or ALA and Austin, you know, it’s like you can utilize that as a, as a way to deconstruct a deeper way of deconstructing things.

Nick Onken: You know, there’s just like layers and layers and layers and layers and layers, layers. So yeah, I think deconstructing and like learning so that you can, you can [00:46:00] move through those things is what it’s, where it’s at.

Judd Shaw: Yeah, I, um, I love, I love the lava lamp. There it is. I mean, it’s just, right? It’s just this flowing thing.

Judd Shaw: You’re just this human lava lamp to me. You know, with all these things going on, where, where is your passion now? Is there any in particular of all the many things that you do in Nick Universe that’s really driving your passion right now?

Nick Onken: Yeah, you know, I still like photography is still my favorite.

Nick Onken: There’s just something about it that I love and and have not just not gotten tired of it. I love it, you know, and I love everything that I do. And I think that’s why I do it all is because like, I love it all. I love the variety of it. I don’t feel like I’m a person that could do the same thing forever.

Nick Onken: But I think having the, uh, the option, like just the variety, I think they all fuel each other as well. You know, when you have different creative outlets, one fuels the other, [00:47:00] like the hats, they fuel photo shoots with hats and like the music, music is just like that fuels like all the other art forms. So.

Nick Onken: Uh, but I would say photography probably still stands at the top for me.

Judd Shaw: Nick, if somebody wants to get in touch with you either for photography, your identity alchemy, uh, workshop or coaching that you do, oncon made products, what’s the best way?

Nick Onken: Yeah, you can go to oncon.co ONKE n.co or at Nick Kin on Instagram.

Nick Onken: Probably the hubs for everything.

Judd Shaw: You know, Nick, you do so much. Uh, for so many, including myself, and I’m so absolutely grateful for you. I have one last question for you. And I, I wanted to know how does Nick Ankin best authentically connect with himself?

Nick Onken: Um, I think through self [00:48:00] care and like really taking the time and sitting with myself and, you know, And really diving into like what it is that I, who, who, who do I want to be?

Nick Onken: Who am I, you know, sitting out in nature. I’ve been doing that a lot lately, you know, doing plant medicine journeys, things like that, really diving into the self.

Judd Shaw: What’s one of your go to favorite self care

Nick Onken: techniques? I mean, I love meditation. Um, taking salt, magnesium salt baths is also a great one. I’ve really just discovered also, uh, infrared sauna.

Nick Onken: Really helps me tap into my higher self. So I’m trying to implement that a lot more as well.

Judd Shaw: Wow. That’s cool. What’s that to?

Nick Onken: Uh, just a sauna, like a really hot sauna. And so like, I think once you get past a certain for me, when I hit a certain [00:49:00] time. Um, and I start hitting a sweat, like it, it flushes all the, the mental chatter out.

Nick Onken: And I like tap into like, uh, my higher self or my, you know, own divinity. And like, really like I can feel the difference. It’s kind of like when you’re in medicine too, it’s like you tap into this other space where it’s like, Oh, I know I’m in my higher self. I’m not like in the lower self, you know, with negative thoughts and all these, all these different things, it’s really tapping in to this flow.

Nick Onken: And through like opens the channel.

Judd Shaw: I’m going to have to check that out. I was all about cold baths and cold dunks, and now I got to go to heat. You

Nick Onken: can do both. It’s even better. Go back and forth.

Judd Shaw: Nick, my man. Thank you so much for coming on and sharing your magic and your beauty and your creativity and helping us understand really the importance of identity alchemy in a hope [00:50:00] that.

Judd Shaw: There are people out there that will take at least my, uh, recommendation to pursue it and to look more into it. It’s ultimately changed my life. It’s been a big part of my transformation. So have you, Nick. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate you coming on today.

Nick Onken: Thank you, my brother.

Judd Shaw: Thanks for having me.

Judd Shaw: I want to extend my deepest gratitude to you. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please follow us on your favorite platform or share this episode with a friend. You can also follow me on Instagram at Judd Shaw Official. A special thank you to personal injury law firm, Judd Shaw Injury Law, for their support in helping us bring this podcast to life.

Judd Shaw: Remember friends, authenticity isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being real. It’s about embracing our vulnerabilities, celebrating our strengths and owning our stories until next time.